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My lovely man has passed away

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by mabbs, Sep 6, 2015.

  1. mabbs

    mabbs Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    238
    Lancashire
    Yesterday at just after 10pm, Phil passed away, he went into hospital on Bank Holiday Monday, his blood tests showed his kidney were failing, he stopped being able to swallow, there was nothing they could do, he was put on pain killers and medication for agitation, they were amazed he fought so long, I was told 2 days at the outside, on Tuesday, but he went on until last night, ( always had strong willpower) for a short time before he went into a deep sleep, and lost all knowledge of what was around him, he seemed to know me, he put his arm around me, ruffled my hair, pulled me towards him and pressed his face to me, ( I dont care what anyone else thinks, in my heart I believe he knew I was his, and was trying to tell me he loved me), I was with him when he went, the hardest thing I have ever done was to walk out of the door and leave him there, I went back 3 times to give him a kiss goodbye before I finally managed to walk from the ward, I cant thank the nursing staff enough for the care of both him and me during these last few days.
    Its all happened so fast Lewy Bodies was only diagnosed in June, I thought I would have years not months, the heartache is dreadful, I know he is at peace, but to never be able to hold him again, its tearing me up, he was only 66.
    My Children, have been with me, daughter travelled 3 hrs to get here and stayed for a couple of days, before she had to go back, (animals)she was so distressed having to leave. Son has hardly left my side, (or his Dads) I dont know how I would have coped without his unfailing support, I always knew I had wonderful kids they did their Dad proud.
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    9,768
    Merseyside
    Oh Mabbs I am so sorry. Love & hugs xx
     
  3. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,049
    Durham
    I am sorry to hear about your husband, it's nice to hear about your lovely supportive family,
    Thinking of you all and sending my condolences,

    Jeany x
     
  4. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,265
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Mabbs sitting here with a tear in my eye . I am so very sorry you lost your lovely man. Wishing you strength for the days ahead . Lots of hugs xxxxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  5. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    4,563
    Scotland
    Mabbs I am so sorry to hear your sad news xxx.
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,771
    Female
    Dundee
    Oh Mabbs. What a moving post. I'm so sorry you've lost your lovely man. I'm sure he knew you were his when he held you close.

    Sending condolences and wishing you much strength. x
     
  7. Chuggalug

    Chuggalug Registered User

    Mar 24, 2014
    8,007
    Norfolk
    Mabbs. I'm speechless. Don't want to say all the usual things. Just wish I could make it all better. Love and strength to you and your family, especially over the next few days. You must be feeling so raw.

    My love to you xxx
     
  8. MabbsDaughter

    MabbsDaughter Registered User

    Apr 30, 2015
    6
    Surrey
    Mum I love you, I love and miss my Daddy :'( xxx
     
  9. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,852
    Suffolk
    Mabbs, I'm so sorry, many condolences (((((hugs)))))
     
  10. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    9,768
    Merseyside
    I'm so sorry you've lost your lovely Dad. Xx
     
  11. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,474
    London
    Oh Mabbs I am so sorry to hear your sad news it's such a shock for you my deepest and sincere condolences love hugs from Sandi xxxxxx
     
  12. truth24

    truth24 Registered User

    Oct 13, 2013
    5,726
    North Somerset
    I am so sorry to read this mabbs and daughter. Sending you my deepest sympathyxx
     
  13. nannylondon

    nannylondon Registered User

    Apr 7, 2014
    2,474
    London
    My deepest sympathies you have been so supportive of your lovely mum xxxx
     
  14. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    So sorry for your family's loss. Your strength of love for each other and for Phil will pull you through this, bless you all. Thank goodness you have such a wonderful family xxx
     
  15. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,937
    Female
    Chester
    Mabbs and mabbs daughter so sorry xx
     
  16. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,967
    Brixham Devon
    Mabbs, as I was reading the other messages left I was thinking of what to write. So here goes. I'm sure that Phil knew you were there and was comforted by your presence-he comforted you as much as you did him. However, my overriding feeling (apart from feeling sad for you) was how lucky you were to have such unstinting support from your kids. Yes they are lovely and why wouldn't they be? They are a 'chip off the old block'-well two blocks actually. And then as I scrolled through I saw the message from 'MabbsDaughter'; there was no more proof needed that Phil has left a lasting legacy of love which he has passed on and will continue to live in all of you.

    I'm so sorry Mabbs. And Mabbsdaughter-I'm also sorry that you have lost your Daddy. Grieve together as a family; talk when needed, cry together, hug when you feel lost and most of all find the strength to get through the times ahead.

    I hope you find peace in knowing that a dear Husband and Daddy is no longer suffering from pain or confusion. Look to the skies tonight-there will be a new shining star brighter than the rest.

    Much love

    Lyn T XX
     
  17. mabbs

    mabbs Registered User

    Dec 1, 2014
    238
    Lancashire
    thank you all so much, for all your kind comments hugs and good wishes. xxx
     
  18. jan.s

    jan.s Registered User

    Sep 20, 2011
    7,346
    Dear Mabbs and Mabbs Daughter, I am so sorry to read your news. How lovely that Phil cuddled you at the end and ruffled your hair, such a special moment and a lovely lasting memory. I do believe that he knew who you were, just as I believe that Roger knew that I was there with him.

    As Lyn has said, so eloquently, he has left a lasting legacy of love.

    Nobody can take away the special memories that you have, and one day they will come to the fore and the dark days of dementia will fade. After only 5 months, I try to remember Roger as he was, the fun we shared and the happy times. He is in my heart, just as Phil is in yours.

    Jan xx
     
  19. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    6,118
    Female
    Scotland
    Oh Mabbs, such profoundly moving posts, I do feel deeply for you, your lovely daughter and son and am glad you are all there for each other.

    You must be in shock, so sudden, unexpected. I do feel that your husband did know you, and I hope in time you will draw comfort from that.

    My deepest sympathy and condolences, and wishing you strength for the times ahead. Remember we are here and write when and whatever you feel like writing.

    My love
    Loo xx
     
  20. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,490
    West Midlands
    Thinking of you both at this oh so sad time xxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     

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