My life- without the one I love

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by LYN T, Mar 4, 2015.

  1. NanLorac

    NanLorac Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    686
    Female
    Scotland
    Lyn good luck in your search for a new home in Devon. :)x
     
  2. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    Aw! Thanks everyone! I will hold all of your best wishes close when I travel. Gwen-you are right about happiness not knocking on your door. Happiness? Well I'm not sure that I will ever truly find that again, but I will be going 'home' and that may just find me some peace.

    Estate agent pro-active:) Not on the market til tomorrow but there's a viewing today:)

    I hope your days are as good as they can be. I can't wait to read what our intrepid ladies are up to in India. It really perks me up when I read their posts:)

    Love,

    Lyn T XX
     
  3. NanLorac

    NanLorac Registered User

    May 14, 2012
    686
    Female
    Scotland
    Lyn, we tested the water last year and our house sold in 3 days. We only saw this new house the once and fell in love with it. You will know if its going to be your new home. Best wishes on your house hunt. Carol x
     
  4. Sweet

    Sweet Registered User

    Jun 16, 2014
    72
    Good luck.. I like your positive outlook x
     
  5. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    That's what I'm hoping for Carol

    XX
     
  6. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    I'm back

    Holiday now over! I stayed in a cottage on a farm:) Secluded. Beautiful. No broadband. No mobile signal unless I climbed a hill:D The Farmer's wife very kindly let me see two lambs being born:) Pete's family all welcomed me with open arms (as is usual). First cousins of Pete and second and third cousins! We had lots of dog walks (they are all dog/horses mad):) I looked at some houses and I have three I will look at again when my house is sold. I had an offer-but the couple couldn't get enough money from their broker, However, another couple had a second viewing today and they have been on the phone to the estate agent asking what I am going to leave etc. so that sounds promising. I took a day off from house hunting/seeing the relatives and visited the places where Pete and I had been when we had visited Devon-walks and beaches etc. It felt good to be remembering happy times.

    That all sounds good so far but as soon as I saw the 'welcome to Dorset' sign I started going down hill. When I don't feel strong I really don't seem to be able to help myself:( So when I'm feeling depressed it's not good for me to constantly play cd's on which Pete is singing-and I do it EVERYTIME:confused:I also stopped at Arne on the way home to walk the dogs and for the first time in decades I didn't see one deer.

    I drove the last 15 miles with tears streaming down my face listening to Pete sing in the symphony chorus. I always think that I can hear his voice-that would have upset Pete as he always said the point of being in a symphony chorus is to 'blend in'-no one should stand out!

    Anyway my daughter says in a way it was good that I felt sad coming home; she said I should look at it as being sad leaving Devon and she is happier knowing that I really want to go back there to live. A friend of mine (who is very into signs) said the absence of deer at Arne is a sign that things can't ever be the same and it's proof I should move on. I don't know about that but I'm feeling restless again:( Thank goodness for Helen and Sylvia's India thread; peace and serenity oozes from their observations-for that I am very grateful.

    I hope your days have not been too bad

    Love,

    Lyn T XX
     
  7. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    Lyn Dear Girl - of course you would be emotional on your holiday to Devon - first without your man was it? I was emotional just finding five empty gin bottles in his garage so I can imagine the meltdown you experienced when you saw that signpost. Hope you sell quickly and find your new home without too much trouble and can then settle down to the new way of life we are experiencing without our January Lads.
    Thinking of you.
     
  8. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,501
    Female
    Near Southampton
    Lyn, it is so nice to see your posts but I am soryr that you are so sad.
    It does look as though your move to Devon is the right one if you got upset seeing the sign that has said your were nearly home for so many years.

    You week on the farm sounds wonderful.
    I'm thinking you probably had a number of nostalgic moments too though.

    I hope everything works out perfectly for you. xxx
     
  9. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    6,119
    Female
    Scotland
    Dear Lyn

    Your week in Devon sounded lovely, and all to be going well concerning moving there. I felt for you, though, travelling back, your tearful drive and sadness brought my tears on. I know people say "It's early days" and that is true. Grief is part of those early days, and emotions can suddenly hit you out of the blue, even when past the early days. We experience so many times of sadness, tears, loss, grief throughout the dementia years, and although I am not yet where you are I think they probably continue a long time after the ultimate loss.

    I'm blethering on and not making much sense. You are strong and you are brave, and you are human. We can't always be strong, and we can't always help ourselves when we are not. But you will again.

    How true. It is wonderful of them to share their experiences with us and feel their peace and serenity come through their posts. So uplifting and good to know how much they are benefitting from their time in India, and I think many of us are benefitting from their sharing.

    Think of you often
    With love

    Loo xxx
     
  10. pony-mad

    pony-mad Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    1,073
    Mid-Wales
    Dear Lyn, so pleased to read that your visit to Devon was so positive. It bodes well for your move. It is also understandable that your return home was so emotional having visited the places and people that brought such happy memories and then return to the place where your more recent memories are painful!Your need to listen to Pete's choir enables you to feel him closer, but choral music can stir very strong emotions. I can't listen to certain pieces that my Dad sang in nearly 10 years after his passing.
    I hope all goes well with your sale and that you and your dogs have a happy return to Devon. I get the feeling you will.
    Love G x


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  11. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    6,589
    Love and comfort to you through the ether, Lyn.

    So much change for you but Pete will always be by your side, egging you on, wherever you lay your hat. Xxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  12. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,098
    Kent
    I say the same to you Lyn as I said to wife, I doubt you'd want to sail through your grief as if nothing had happened. It's something no one can make better but something we can all empathise with.
     
  13. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,968
    Brixham Devon
    I've sold my house:) Yesterday was full of tense negotiations :D However, I've accepted the couples third offer. At the end of next week I'm going to re look at a house in Devon. Initially it was number three on my list but jumped to number one as it's smaller than the other two-why do I need a great big house anyway? It's mid 1800's and lovely, three double bedrooms/sitting room/dining room etc. Original features (but updated with a new boiler etc),in a village with a supermarket/pub/cafe/post office/general store and a butcher's which allows dogs into the shop.:D:eek: I've made an offer and it's been accepted.

    I maybe moving in a couple of months

    :):):)
     
  14. chick1962

    chick1962 Registered User

    Apr 3, 2014
    11,265
    Female
    near Folkestone
    Gosh Lyn only just catching up :) how lovely , you are moving !!! To such a beautiful area too. So wish you well Lyn may you find everything you hope and wish for xxxx


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  15. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    22,501
    Female
    Near Southampton
    O Lyn, so soon!
    You are a fast mover I must say.
    I hope all goes well both ends of the move. x
     
  16. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    6,119
    Female
    Scotland
    So pleased for you Lyn that despite the ‘tense negotiations’ all has worked out so well for you. Hopefully it continues.

    The house in Devon sounds lovely, and all you need by way of shops - and dogs allowed in the butcher’s shop!

    Wishing you all the best in every respect and looking forward to hearing how you progress.

    Love
    Loo xxx
     
  17. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,098
    Kent
    Well done Lyn and congratulations. :)
     
  18. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    14,697
    That's marvellous Lyn. It looks like you can start packing:)

    Love
     
  19. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,212
    Female
    Dundee
    Wow Lyn, well done! That's excellent news!
     
  20. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,654
    Hampshire
    So pleased for you Lyn and in admiration of how you have taken control of all this, I am sure it can't have been easy. All good wishes to you xx
     

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