My life- without the one I love

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by LYN T, Mar 4, 2015.

  1. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    Hi Everyone

    I thought I would give a little update; Pete passed away nearly 3 months ago-and I'm hoping that I won't always feel this sad. Friends have told me the first anniversary is the turning point in feeling 'better' so roll on next Christmas:eek:

    I've been busy though. My house will be put on the market this weekend-I intend to move away. I know, I know! Everyone says don't make any quick/rash decisions after bereavement -but it's not quick and it's not rash. Pete and I always planned to move to Devon when we retired. Pete lived there for a couple of years and I lived there until my teens. Since last May, when I was told that Pete was not long for this world, I decided I would continue with our (now mine) plans. So this Friday I will be going on a week's holiday to Devon to look for a house! I have 14 short-listed!

    The estate agent who is selling my present home has people lined up to look and I know there is a genuine waiting list for people who have expressed an interest.(my friend and neighbour works at the agency.)

    I will, of course, have a succession of visitors from the area I live in now. My daughter will be further away but I drive so no problem and I suspect that she will relocate one day.:) Pete's cousins/second cousins will be close by so I will know people initially and get to know others-I can be quite sociable. So Friday myself, the dogs and Pete's ashes (I just couldn't leave him behind) will be off.

    Watch this space:eek:

    Have good days everyone


    Lyn T XX
  2. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    I think its a good idea, follow your dreams, Pete will come with you in your heart, always.

    Yes, although it was different for me, (it was my Mum) AND Dad within the space of 16 months, you do brace yourself, anticipate the bridges and from somewhere find the strength to cross the bridge, and the first time is always the hardest.

    Your birthday without them
    Their birthday without them
    the anniversary of their passing
    your wedding anniversary

    and all the others

    But from somewhere you WILL find the strength, and WILL go on positively with Pete in your heart.
    Following that shared dream alone is to be nothing but admired, Live life and enjoy life, as Pete would have wanted you to.
  3. Saffie

    Saffie Registered User

    Mar 26, 2011
    Near Southampton
    I hope you have a fruitful week in Devon Lyn.
    I know this is important to you and I think you know your own mind better than anyone else so you must do what will make you happy.
    I'll miss thinking of you just down the road though! xxx
  4. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    Aw thanks for your encouragement Jessbow.

    Different for you?.No! Grief is grief, loss is loss-it's the same feelings whoever you have lost.The sadness of losing a loved one is so overwhelming.


    Lyn T XX
  5. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    Just think of that road as being a little bit longer than it was, with a couple more bends and hills along the way.


    Lyn XX
  6. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    Oh Lyn, you have brought tears to my eyes, tears of admiration. It is wonderful to think that you can make a new start, at the same time as fulfilling Pete and your joint dream :)

    It doesn't sound rushed to me at all, it sounds just right, especially as you lived in the area when you were younger.

    I hope you like one of your shortlisted places, and if not, well, there's time to look again. I can just picture you on your journey.....

    Good luck and looking forward to more updates :)

    Lindy xx
  7. Soobee

    Soobee Registered User

    Aug 22, 2009
    Enjoy your trip, I hope you find what you're looking for in Devon. My dad's best friend moved there about 15-20 years ago and he loves it there.
  8. meme

    meme Registered User

    Aug 29, 2011
    good luck ..I have a feeling you will find somewhere lovely and fairly soon...x
  9. Loopiloo

    Loopiloo Registered User

    May 10, 2010
    Dear Lyn, I think it is wonderful that you are following what you and Pete planned, and he would be happy for you. As Saffie said, you know your own mind, and it is not a sudden decision.

    Have a lovely week in Devon, I hope you do find the house which feels right for you, and imagine you will ‘talk it over’ with Pete.

    It is lovely that you have written this new thread, and I’m sure we will all be watching out for your updates.

    Good luck!

    With love
    Loo xxx
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Well done Lyn.

    You do what feels right for you. Well meaning friends are just that but if you can achieve yours and Pete's dream it will bring you war that in your heart and comfort even if he is not here to share it with you

    There is so much happening to me in India I know Dhiren would have loved and even though he isn't here to share it I know he would be pleased.
  11. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    Sincerely hope you find what you are looking for Lyn though I imagine it will be a little bittersweet without Pete. Will be thinking of you - hope the weather is kind WIFE
  12. Helen33

    Helen33 Registered User

    Jul 20, 2008
    Dear Lynne,

    I think it is good that you have made the decision to follow the dream both you and Pete had. It will be great if you find the house of your dreams on this first trip down there. It does take some courage though and I will be wishing you everything you would wish for yourself.

  13. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    Good luck with your plans Lyn. I wish you well for your new future. x
  14. garnuft

    garnuft Registered User

    Sep 7, 2012
    I don't think your dreams should change, it shows they were real plans rather than pie-in-the-sky ideas.
    I think Pete would be cheering you on and nudging you forward, closer to your dreams, writing new chapters of the book.
    He would want you to be happy, Lyn...happiness doesn't come knocking on your door, you have to seek it out.
    Good for you for having the gumption, I have a feeling Pete would be proud. XXX
  15. Tears Falling

    Tears Falling Registered User

    Jul 8, 2013
    Have a lovely week. Hope you find what you are looking for. :)
  16. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    Dear Lyn

    Brave ladies do brave things. I hope you have a lovely week brave lady:love
  17. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    Good luck Lyn, Devon is one of my favourite places. I admire you for getting on and fulfilling your and Petes dream.
    May everything go well. Be sure you keep us updated!
  18. MeganCat

    MeganCat Registered User

    Jan 29, 2013
    South Wales
    I really admire you for having the courage to follow the dreams you had, Devon is a beautiful part of the country - I wish you all the best,
  19. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    North East England
    Good for you, Lyn. I'm sure Pete would be chuffed that you are going to live the dream :).
  20. pony-mad

    pony-mad Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    Dear Lyn, fulfilling your shared dreams is a wonderful way to celebrate the love that you had for each other. I know that your choice of home will reflect Both of your tastes and personalities. You can fill it with memories of a well Pete instead of being reminded of the life as dominated by dementia.
    I wish you all the very best in you adventure.
    Love G x

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point

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