Such a helpful post Emac, I feel dreadfully sad that our relationship has changed, although I'm not sure what I could have done about it, and so selfish sometimes when I try to carry on with the things I used to enjoy.I think part of the hurt of this is that it's not just your life that has changed, your relationship has changed. This awful disease turns the equal give and take relationship between husbands and wives into an unequal one where one does all the giving and taking responsibility and the other is as needy and as dependent as a toddler, often throwing the same ungrateful tantrums as a small child would do! Love in these circumstances must change from the 'in love' of equals to the unconditional loving and caring you feel for a child. That's a big loss and everyone greives the loss of the person they used to know and the relationship they used to have. You know the PWD can't love you back in the same way, so you must find other ways to look after yourself and get some of that equal relationship support from family and friends. Only then will you be able to sustain the caring role, for however long you choose to do this. So keep looking for the support you need to give you some respite from your husband. Explore all the options and don't give up till you have found some help. Thinking of you xx
I know that fear...and the loneliness of not being able to discuss the situation with my husband....although he is fairly independent in dressing etc. but that is changing.Likewise. Beth and Lancysue.
My biggest fear is that by the time this is over my own health could be going down. I knew a neighbour of my mum who's husband had AD, eventually he went into a care home and died within the year. A year or two later she fell, broke her hip, hip surgery went wrong and she ended up using a zimmer. Eek.
I'm fairly new to caring for my husband, but the AD has progressed rapidly.In spite of having a wonderful son and daughter, I feel so isolated as friends no longer call. I too thought it would be simple to carry on as before, so thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one going through this.Everyone's life changes when a partner has dementia, n the ability to live life how it was once becomes harder as the condition progress.
I too thought it would be possible to to continue our lives much as before, but we tend to change n adjust our lives to how things change from day to day as the condition worsens over time
But no matter how much my wife changes cos of this condition she still be the person I met fell in love with n married vowing to care for her in sickness n in health. No matter or had bad it gets or how lonely or frustrated it can make me feel, she's the most important thing n person to me above any life we used to lead together.
Hard as it may be, it's something we have to get used to, giving up a former life to this condition, we've all been n some of us continue to go through caring for someone we love that has dementia.
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I think the shallowness of so-called "old friends", was what disappointed me most of all. I didn't expect anyone to offer to physically help me, but a visit, a phone call even, would have been so welcome.I'm fairly new to caring for my husband, but the AD has progressed rapidly.In spite of having a wonderful son and daughter, I feel so isolated as friends no longer call. I too thought it would be simple to carry on as before, so thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one going through this.
Thank God indeed, and like you Scarlett, it's not that you want physical help, just a simple cuppa with someone, even a phone call, but as you say, the shallow ones fall by the wayside as I've found out these last few monthsI think the shallowness of so-called "old friends", was what disappointed me most of all. I didn't expect anyone to offer to physically help me, but a visit, a phone call even, would have been so welcome.
A few faithful friends continued, and at my husband's funeral, all of the "ghosts", who had disappeared for years, came, saying "I have to pay my respects". No they didn't. They came to make themselves feel better, and so I nailed a smile on my face, watched them eat my food, drink my drinks, thanked them for coming, and breathed slowly.
The isolation is something that other people, not affected by AD, just cannot understand, so thank God for TP.
Hi Lancysue:My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia 2 years ago and he is now at the stage where I have to do most things for him - he cannot even make a cup of coffee properly or cook a meal, the problem is that the dementia has changed him so much and I feel that I am now living and caring for a different man to the one I married and I hate to admit that I don,t like the man that the dementia has turned him into.
I feel so lonely as I cannot even have a proper conversation with him and to be honest I sometimes feel that I am just the cleaner,cook,driver etc and to have to look after someone with dementia 24/7 is a very thankless task !
I am finding that I run out of patience with him and he doesn't appreciate all that I have to do for him, the future to me is looking very bleak - does anyone else ever feel this way ?