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My landlady knocks on the door.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Beauty, Aug 9, 2015.

  1. Beauty

    Beauty Registered User

    Aug 9, 2015
    Dear support friends,
    I am a renter with no care commitments. I live close by to my landlady and want to help her stay in her own home. She knocks often which I sometimes ignore (she is up and moving so no emergency). Yesterday she continued and started banging (first time) SO noisily I got off a really important phone call. She then accused me of going into her home and leaving doors open. I accept the accusations and doors left open. However, yesterday I got really upset and angry at what felt like a bombardment into my personal space and home life. I am asking for help .... what would you suggest, how to manage, while I am living here and she close by? What to do?
    Thank you.
  2. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    Hello Beauty and welcome to Talking Point.

    It is good that you want to help your landlady to stay in her own home but she also needs some professional help to assess her present state and what help she needs.

    Becoming a carer is a great commitment, does she have any family who can see that she gets the help she needs? Has she been diagnosed or just showing symptoms?

    You are entitled to your own space and privacy and to reside there in peace.
  3. Long-Suffering

    Long-Suffering Registered User

    Jul 6, 2015
    Hello Beauty,

    Welcome to TP.

    I agree with Jaymor you need to talk to her family if that is possible. She isn't your responsibility, but it is good of you to be so caring.

  4. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    You should contact her family, if any. If this is dementia her behaviour will get worse. Well done for being a caring neighbour/tenant. If no family then maybe her solicitor, You do have a tenant's right to privacy.
  5. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    Do you know what doctor's surgery she's at? If you don't have any contact with her family then letting her doctor know about this behaviour might be another avenue to getting her some help. Because that's what this behaviour is in my opinion, a cry for help.

    My parents live in a retirement apartment complex and when other residents start doing this the manager always alerts the family and their GP.
  6. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    SW London
    This must be very difficult and upsetting for you. Unfortunately, people with dementia do get ideas into their heads which absolutely nothing can shift - intruders, people taking or interfering with their things, etc. It can be very hard to deal with, because by a certain stage it is often impossible to reason with someone with dementia. Also, the person will often be quite unable to remember any request or instructions - e.g. please do not knock on my door after 10 pm - even if they have agreed at the time.

    If nobody such as family/GP etc. is aware of her dementia then as others have said, they should be made aware, but it is sadly all too likely likely that they will not be able to do anything to change her behaviour. This may be a passing phase, or it may get worse. If it does, and you begin to find it impossible to live with, then I am afraid to say that your best option may be to move. Let's hope it's just a passing phase, and it won't come to that.

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