My journal

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
4,160
0
56
North West
Thank you @Palerider , none of it makes sense, writing it down unravels it a bit,
Keep going and start to open yourself up to questions others can offer answers to. There is no blame here and it is no ones fault what happens in terms of our loved ones. I am sure once you become at ease with yourself you will begin to find answers because others in the same or similar situation will reply that I am sure. Don't be too hard on yourself over something you could have done nothing about
 

Agzy

Registered User
Nov 16, 2016
3,777
0
Moreton, Wirral. UK.
I am halfway through my 8th year journal and was advised by Paulines psychiatrist to start it when she was diagnosed. I rarely look back now as it makes me sad but it has been a great support at times as they are words and thoughts to me about us and so I can vent or rage, cry or laugh as much as I like and no one criticises me - except myself that is.
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
244
0
I am halfway through my 8th year journal and was advised by Paulines psychiatrist to start it when she was diagnosed. I rarely look back now as it makes me sad but it has been a great support at times as they are words and thoughts to me about us and so I can vent or rage, cry or laugh as much as I like and no one criticises me - except myself that is.
My journal has also been a great support @Agzy , especially appointments, medication changes etc as well as my feelings.
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
244
0
The only down side for me is how it accentuates how lonely I have felt and how often.
Hello @Agzy , the loneliness is awful. Trying to adapt to being on your own at home is hard. But I felt lonely when MH was here, towards the end there wasn't much of real conversation with him. Being a carer can be incredibly lonely.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
2,348
0
76
Devon, Totnes
Hello @Agzy , the loneliness is awful. Trying to adapt to being on your own at home is hard. But I felt lonely when MH was here, towards the end there wasn't much of real conversation with him. Being a carer can be incredibly lonely.
Hi there @Little moth

I know what you mean about being lonely as a carer. There were times I’d cry sitting next to her knowing she couldn’t appreciate my loneliness and the dementia made her hard and cruel.
Without her now I’m lonely. But I’ve been thinking about this and I’ve realised that as a couple we needed no one else for companionship and company and the few friends we had were there, but not essential. Now, being on my own, for the last 3 years I still have these friends but not my wife. And that’s the difference. We lived our lives as a couple and had other couples to call on. The dynamic of that has changed.

It’s tricky being lonely. It’s scary and makes me anxious. As you say, it’s awful.
 

Little moth

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
244
0
I'm still writing in my new journal, looking back I see that I have seen people and enjoyed myself but it is the time on my own in my home that's hard. During the day if I get too down I give myself something to do, often it's something that I don't particularly want to do but when I have done it I feel better.
But, the evenings, sometimes I busy myself, read, watch tv, do sudoku etc but sometimes my heart breaks and I miss him so much.
I have my last phone session with the Cruse lady on Monday and it has been such a help. I shall probably go to one their coffee mornings for bereaved people.
The best tonic that I have had is last weekend my sister took me to a Country Show, lots of people enjoying themselves, lots to see and do and sunshine. It gave me a nudge to do more in the garden which I have. xx
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
74,002
0
72
Dundee
Thanks for the update @littlemo69.

It's so good to hear that Cruse has been so helpful. I know I often signpost people to Cruse but have no personal experience of using the service. It's good to hear that your experience has been positive.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
2,348
0
76
Devon, Totnes
I'm still writing in my new journal, looking back I see that I have seen people and enjoyed myself but it is the time on my own in my home that's hard. During the day if I get too down I give myself something to do, often it's something that I don't particularly want to do but when I have done it I feel better.
But, the evenings, sometimes I busy myself, read, watch tv, do sudoku etc but sometimes my heart breaks and I miss him so much.
I have my last phone session with the Cruse lady on Monday and it has been such a help. I shall probably go to one their coffee mornings for bereaved people.
The best tonic that I have had is last weekend my sister took me to a Country Show, lots of people enjoying themselves, lots to see and do and sunshine. It gave me a nudge to do more in the garden which I have. xx
Hi @Little moth

I understand what you mean about doing stuff and then being brought up short when you think of them and it makes you scared that you miss them so much and cry.

I keep a journal as well as writing on here. It helps and I’d encourage anyone to try to do the same. I judge myself to harshly I think because I believe I should be doing more around the house but it’s only me and what with a lack of motivation and energy not a lot gets done. So I just try to keep it tidy and clean.,

I have a counsellor once a month and I’m not at all reluctant to phone Samaritans if it’s gets really bad.

Peter