My husband is 57 and been diagnosed with dementia

Ferdreno

New member
Jun 7, 2019
1
0
I am 55,I never thought at this age I would have to watch the love of my life go through such a difficult time.
I have seen my mom, dad and sister suffer through cancer.
This is a whole new disease.
I have know idea of what Is yet to come.
Any help, suggestions would be helpful.
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
866
0
Mid Lincs
Welcome to TP Ferdreno. I'm sorry to read about your OHs plight.
It's a very traumatic time but you have come to right place for support and understanding.
 

Philbo

Registered User
Feb 28, 2017
853
0
Kent
Hi @Ferdreno and welcome.

I was 60 when I first noticed that my wife was having problems. It took another 2+ years of firstly trying to ignore it (she didn't see that there were any problems), then trying to get her to go to the doctors. Then finally, a diagnosis in early 2014.

I remember the early months/year was a mixture of fear, panic, anger (why us?), sadness and I just wanted to run away! I found it very hard dealing with the fact that even though we were told what type of dementia she had (FTD), no-one could predict exactly how it would develop, or how long the journey would be. The words that stuck were "it is a terminal disease"!

It has been described on Talking Point as "anticipatory grief", which is pretty much what you go through? I found that by reading up about dementia (something I was very reluctant to do, initially) and especially joining Talking Point, I have learned a huge amount about coping with my new role as a carer.

You do not say where you are based but as well as searching out online information about dementia, seek out what support organisations are available locally. The single best thing I did was to find a dementia coffee morning nearby. Meeting other carers gave me the insight I needed to start my journey and helped me feel less alone.

When and if you are ready to share more of your story, the lovely people here will be happy to help.

Best wishes.
Phil
 

nae sporran

Registered User
Oct 29, 2014
9,213
0
Bristol
I am 55,I never thought at this age I would have to watch the love of my life go through such a difficult time.
I have seen my mom, dad and sister suffer through cancer.
This is a whole new disease.
I have know idea of what Is yet to come.
Any help, suggestions would be helpful.

Welcome to the forums Ferdreno. Sorry you have had to go through so much pain over the years, and now have dementia to deal with you.
Everyone is different, so just keep posting and reading. This is great place with so many who know what you will be going through, just from experience. There are helpful little things like asking your husband for power of attorney and getting a care needs assessment from social services as well as carers assessment for yourself.

Type your town or postcode into https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you to find memory cafes and advocacy services or any other local support you may need.

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/types-dementia will help explain some of what is happening.

Good luck.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
My OH is 63 and my advice would be to make sure your husband has sorted out POA (both Health&Welfare and Finances) and his will. Because he was comparatively young he had done neither, but by the time you need them it is too late, so they have to be done early.

We both did POA and wills together to make sure that OH did not feel like he was being "taken over" (a worry of his and so would likely make him refuse), but that it was a prudent things that is normal for "people of our age".
 

LynneMcV

Volunteer Moderator
May 9, 2012
6,116
0
south-east London
Welcome to the forums @Ferdreno. I understand what you say. My husband was diagnosed young and neither of us had envisaged dementia entering the picture and impacting our lives quite so early.

You have been given sound advice about getting POAs and Wills sorted. It was the very first thing we did after diagnosis, then put it aside to live our lives as normally as possible afterwards. I can't tell you how relieved I was, some years further on down the line, that we had got the paperwork sorted from the start - it saved a lot of fretting when the time arrived to use it.

My only other advice is to do what you can while you can. For us, the point of diagnosis did not change things overnight. My husband, no longer able to hold down a paid job, volunteered in a charity shop, took part in fundraising and community schemes, continued to play bowls for a while, met up with friends and socialised. We went on holidays, enjoyed daytrips and joined new groups which understood dementia, which would later become an invaluable support source to both of us.

Life definitely changed and I had to adapt and become more open-minded as each change came along. It wasn't easy at times - but there was lots of love and laughter along the way too.

The support, information and guidance I received through Dementia Talking Point was fantastic. I don't think I could have coped without it. I am sure you will find it just as invaluable now that you have found us :)
 

wonderfulmum

Registered User
Aug 20, 2015
46
0
Talking point is helping me knowing I can come on here and know I'm not alone and am surrounded by people going through similar experiences. It is a tough journey with many lows and few highs but you have come to the right place. Take care of you too.