Hello everyone, I am 62, my husband was diagnosed with alzheimers in March 2021, he is only 63. I am struggling to cope with his abuse - usually verbal - I am working from home and also his sole carer at present. He has recently been assigned a nurse who we will meet for the first time next week but I am feeling quite alone - my stepdaughter is very supportive but at 33 she has her own life to lead... we have had a bad night tonight resulting in him throwing food across the dining room,,, does anyone else have this experience, what are your coping mechanisms?
My husband has dementia
- Thread starter angelaw33
- Start date
hello @angelaw33 my husband has vascular dementia and has been verbally abusive as well. i phoned the gp as there is medication to calm him down. they referred him to mental health and he was put on memantine which has really calmed him down. he gets his moments but they are not as frequent or nasty that they were. i have also been told to leave the room, keep a charged phone on you and go to a room with a lock on it. if emergency phone the police, they wont take him away to a cell but may take him to hospital or not take him at all. i find it best to move away and let him calm down.
Hi Jennifer - yes my husband is also on memantine - it has made a big difference - but suddenly tonight he has reverted to abusive behaviour - I have been given exactly the same advice as you - I was advised to move to another room - but he follows me!!Luckily tonight he is tired and has gone up to bed!
I think you should get your husband checked for a UTI. They seem to have a sudden and detrimental effect of people with dementia. The medication he’s on may also need adjusting. Would your husband go to a day centre? It would give you some breathing space. See if you have a local Carers Group who can offer support to you. All too often social workers focus on the PWD and rarely if ever ask how the Carer is coping. Hope you get some more support but do let your step daughter help out to give you a break too.
Hello , it's important to deal with this development and also protect yourself. I agree that a chat with the GP is a good start.
There's a Factsheet about this issue and in the hope that you can get some advice from it here's a link to it https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites...ctsheet_dementia_and_aggressive_behaviour.pdf
Hello and welcome from me too @angelaw33
I see you have already been advised to have a safe room. If possible the room should have a lock and a safe exit, available with a phone to hand in case help needs to be summoned.
This may seem like a step too far. However, I have read that it can be useful to report any physical assault to the police as they will record that and this can be useful as a paper trail if you ever seek assistance from Social Services in the future.
If you want to talk it through with anyone the experts on the help line can be good, details as follows
www.alzheimers.org.uk
tel:0333 150 3456
There's a Factsheet about this issue and in the hope that you can get some advice from it here's a link to it https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites...ctsheet_dementia_and_aggressive_behaviour.pdf
Hello and welcome from me too @angelaw33
I see you have already been advised to have a safe room. If possible the room should have a lock and a safe exit, available with a phone to hand in case help needs to be summoned.
This may seem like a step too far. However, I have read that it can be useful to report any physical assault to the police as they will record that and this can be useful as a paper trail if you ever seek assistance from Social Services in the future.
If you want to talk it through with anyone the experts on the help line can be good, details as follows
Dementia Support Line
If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
Its been some time since my last post! Things with Rowly have been going fine until about 10 days when I started to notice a decline in his mobility and coordination. He has also become increasingly screamy and aggressive and having issues around using the loo. In the past week I have called an ambulance out 4 times to help me lift him off the floor after he had slipped off the sofa. I am both his full-time carer and also working from home full-time, with house, garden and 2 dogs to cope with. I called the ambulance on a fifth occasion he was stuck on the loo and couldn't get up. The paramedic that came out said that this couldn't go on as I was at the end of my tether and he was obviously quite poorly. He was taken into A&E with delerium suspect UTI. He has since been moved to a ward and being given anti-biotics.
I am very concerned that even if he has a UTI and it is resolved, that this deleriium is permanent that I will not be able to cope. He has 1:1 in the hospital with someone with him most of the time as he is so disturbed.
I don't think that I will be able to cope when he comes back home and we will be in a downward spiral with ever increasing calls for assistance.
Does anyone have any similar experience?
I am very concerned that even if he has a UTI and it is resolved, that this deleriium is permanent that I will not be able to cope. He has 1:1 in the hospital with someone with him most of the time as he is so disturbed.
I don't think that I will be able to cope when he comes back home and we will be in a downward spiral with ever increasing calls for assistance.
Does anyone have any similar experience?
Hello @angelaw33 I am so sorry to read about how your husbands condition has worsened. I do not have any experience of this but I think that what the paramedics said to you is true, you cannot go on as you currently are, you are on the verge of carer breakdown. You have been carrying a double burden for a number of years now, full time carer and working at home.
If the hospital suggest that your husband is fit to return home, and by the sounds of things he most certainly is not, you need to tell them that you cannot and will not care for him at home without a strong care package in place.
The most important thing is to contact your local adult social services office to discuss the situation with them and to explain to them also that you can no longer care for your husband at home. because you are at carer breakdown. They would probably suggest a regime of four carer visits a day to see how things go as that is the most cost effective solution.
I hope that this helps a little.
If the hospital suggest that your husband is fit to return home, and by the sounds of things he most certainly is not, you need to tell them that you cannot and will not care for him at home without a strong care package in place.
The most important thing is to contact your local adult social services office to discuss the situation with them and to explain to them also that you can no longer care for your husband at home. because you are at carer breakdown. They would probably suggest a regime of four carer visits a day to see how things go as that is the most cost effective solution.
I hope that this helps a little.
I am so sorry about this. I do agree, please tell social services you can no longer care for him at home, and please be wary about the four care visits option. I know they always try to put this in place before helping you to get a nursing home placement, but this can be train crash management, waiting for it to fail dramatically. My own GP told me this!
Please explain you have no strength to go on in this way and will have to hand responsibility over to them. Warmest and great sympathy. I have been through this.
Thank you for your support and information - I totally understand. I have been over to visit my husband in hospital today and I think they have him heavily sedated to keep him calm - not sure what happens when all that stops!
I don't think I would be able to cope with four care visits myself and am certain that my husband would not want that either! Thank you so much for your advice. My husband is 65 and I'm 64, its sadly not what we had planned for our retirement years..... heartbreaking.
Hopefully the delirium will pass once he's back home.
Over the last few years my wife had a number of falls and ended up in hospital after most of them. On each occasion she became delirious (UTIs once or twice made it much worse) when in hospital but much better once she was back home. I dread her going into hospital again.
Over the last few years my wife had a number of falls and ended up in hospital after most of them. On each occasion she became delirious (UTIs once or twice made it much worse) when in hospital but much better once she was back home. I dread her going into hospital again.
