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My husband has Alzheimer

Weihua

Registered User
Apr 12, 2019
15
My husband is English, he does not speak French but we are living in France.
I could not send him to a care home ,because of the language and also he is only eat when I am around.he following me around at home, I don't have any free time, I can not take vacation because my mind full worries about him,I don't feel well recently , I don't know what to do in the future?
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,635
N Ireland
Hello @Weihua, welcome from me too.

This following around can be caused by anxiety. Is it possible to have a Doctor check for this and perhaps prescribe some medication. My wife suffers with this and is helped a little by medication.
 

margherita

Registered User
May 30, 2017
2,564
Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
Hi @Weihua,
Here in Italy paid carers are not so expensive as in the UK.
I wonder if the situation is similar in France. Here most of them can't speak Italian, above all if they have not been here for long, but they can often speak English a bit.

Anyhow, when dementia progresses a caring and kind attitude is more important than words.
You sound at your tether's end, hope you will look for help...any available help
 

Weihua

Registered User
Apr 12, 2019
15
Il i s nice to hear from you,My husband has been refused people's help ,all he wants is me beside him
 

Weihua

Registered User
Apr 12, 2019
15
Hello @Weihua, welcome from me too.

This following around can be caused by anxiety. Is it possible to have a Doctor check for this and perhaps prescribe some medication. My wife suffers with this and is helped a little by medication.
Thank you, I have got medicine but the side effects is very strong,it seems knock him down very hard, I could not bear to look at him life less.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,635
N Ireland
Thank you, I have got medicine but the side effects is very strong,it seems knock him down very hard, I could not bear to look at him life less.
I understand what you are saying. When my wife was first put on her anti anxiety meds she was rendered somewhat lifeless so I worked with the medics to get the dose to a level where the edge was taken off the anxiety but a decent level of functioning was maintained. It's a fine balance.
 

Weihua

Registered User
Apr 12, 2019
15
Thank you again, I will work on it. How you manage to corporate with the changes, he was making decisions with me ,now I am alone, last week I have to buy a car because of our s out of run.
In the beginning I was so depressed, I lost my taste , I felt I am being punished by life for whatevers I did wrong.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,830
Kent
I felt I am being punished by life for whatevers I did wrong.
Hello @Weihua

There are usually no reasons. We look for reasons but most of the time there are none. We read every day of people who have lived a blameless life and are affected by dementia so please don`t look to yourself.
 

KatieR

Registered User
Mar 13, 2019
32
Thank you again, I will work on it. How you manage to corporate with the changes, he was making decisions with me ,now I am alone, last week I have to buy a car because of our s out of run.
In the beginning I was so depressed, I lost my taste , I felt I am being punished by life for whatevers I did wrong.
Welcome Weihua. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. My husband was the same for the last year or so - and before that, now I think back. I live in Portugal and, probably, like here, Italy doesn't have the allowances etc., that the UK have. My husband, after a heart attack, is now in a memory care centre, and has been diagnosed with vascular dementia, but they're sending him home soon - which terrifies me. I think I'm going to have to find a care home for him, but they're all so expensive. Let's remember, we're all here to help each other and boost our energies when we feel low - so keep posting!
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,439
South coast
Dementia is a devastating disease, but it is not your fault @Weihua and it is not your husbands fault either.

If your husband wont accept help, could you get someone in to help you? I have a lady who comes in once a week to clean the house, which makes my life a bit easier and gets my husband used to having someone else in the house.
 

Weihua

Registered User
Apr 12, 2019
15
Dementia is a devastating disease, but it is not your fault @Weihua and it is not your husbands fault either.

If your husband wont accept help, could you get someone in to help you? I have a lady who comes in once a week to clean the house, which makes my life a bit easier and gets my husband used to having someone else in the house.

Thank you , we have someone come once a week for cleaning , he just do not want to anyone touch him except me , we have aid-soignent come to help but he refuse them.
 

Weihua

Registered User
Apr 12, 2019
15
Welcome Weihua. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. My husband was the same for the last year or so - and before that, now I think back. I live in Portugal and, probably, like here, Italy doesn't have the allowances etc., that the UK have. My husband, after a heart attack, is now in a memory care centre, and has been diagnosed with vascular dementia, but they're sending him home soon - which terrifies me. I think I'm going to have to find a care home for him, but they're all so expensive. Let's remember, we're all here to help each other and boost our energies when we feel low - so keep posting!
you are right , we should support each other, may be we should to back , find house nearby , help each other
 

Grahamstown

Registered User
Jan 12, 2018
1,713
80
East of England
My husband has Alzheimer’s too and was diagnosed just over a year ago. After a difficult year adjusting to the shock and his deteriorating condition, with lots of trying to find a way to help him have a life, I let him be and he is much more contented. It’s finding the best way for you because everyone is different. I have to do absolutely everything now including the driving because he can’t do that any more. I also have managed to find a cleaner who will also keep an eye on him and make sure he eats and drinks when I leave food for him. She comes every Tuesday morning, I can leave him with her now after a few weeks getting used to her coming and will stay a bit longer if I need it. As it becomes more and more difficult to leave him in the house alone for more than an a short time for a walk or something now I can count on one morning a week. I had to go through two different cleaners before I got lucky the third time.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,439
South coast
Im glad you have someone coming to do the cleaning @Weihua - it is a small help at least.
Your husband sounds afraid and very anxious. Have any of the doctors tried him with medication to help the anxiety?
 

Weihua

Registered User
Apr 12, 2019
15
I don't think that his doctor knew how to deal with Alzheimer, I can not change doctor, because of long time waiting with other s nearby, My husband can not stay 2hours waiting ,only this one just take 15 minutes to see him, seems like I have to find way out.
 

Weihua

Registered User
Apr 12, 2019
15
For short term help, could you find an English person, perhaps on a gap year, for an au pair style arrangement? Someone who intends to train as a social worker or a mental health nurse, perhaps?
It is difficult to find someone with skills
Sadly doctor too ,see you about 15 minutes then please go, if you have more problems visit next time.