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My great grandpa has dementia...

Azuriah C

Registered User
Mar 26, 2015
1
Please take time to read this...

Hello, so me and my mom moved in with my grandpa temporarily to take care of him (I am 15). He is senile, and I am having an extremely difficult time dealing with him. Before we moved in, he used to smoke, but he "forgot", so at least we don't have to deal with that, and him starting fires. Me and my mom cook for him, clean the house, etc. He seems very ungrateful and demanding, and he seems like he does not like me at all. He usually doesn't talk very much, and neither do I, so we don't talk. I have never been around my grandpa until recently, and I do not know him very well at all. His dementia and bad habits have gotten terrible since we moved in last may.

He uses the bathroom, like 6 times a night (not kidding), and if you are ever in the bathroom if he even sees it is closed, he bangs and very rudely tries to bust the door open. He always gets so mad in the morning when I am in there, cursing how I am always in there, when I am not, but HE is... He has very gross habits. He is always spitting food EVERYWHERE. I hear him all the time spitting, it is really nasty. He blows his nose on his hands, on our clothes, etc, he doesn't wash his hand ever, and I have seen him wipe poo on towels in the bathroom, and to top that off, he puts all the dirty dishes in the sink away, and is always taking out all the food out of the freezer, and has ruined a lot of food. He gets into my papers by my chair, and he yelled at me once just because I took a bath! Right now as I speak, he is walking around with no pants or underwear on... I laid out clean clothes on his bed. He usually can put his own clothes on, but he just threw them on the floor. My grandpa is also always staring at me, and when I am cooking, he stares, and puts away my dishes I am using while I am cooking. He does many more things too...

My grandpa is so mean and rude, even with all we do for him. I would lock my door so he doesn't barge in while I am getting dressed (which he does), because I have a stupid folding door, and I can't close my door at night because we have no central heating.

I am a fairly solitary person, who NEEDS privacy, and I have absolutely none here. My grandpa really intimidates me, and I have had nightmares that he was throwing knives at me...

We hope to move out fairly soon, but I need help. I can't deal with him. I am shy and scared to tell him to stop these things, and even when other people do, he never listens. I have a sign I put on the cupboard next to the sink explaining to him that he can't put dirty dishes away, and it has seemed to help. Should I just put signs everywhere or something? What do I do when he is being very rude or mean? I will not even invite people over anymore due to the embarrassment...

Please help me.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,638
Kent
Hell Azuriah

I'm very sorry you have to deal with dementia at your young age but I just want you to know whatever your great grandpa does which annoys you and makes you so unhappy is because he is very Poorly and cannot help himself.

It might help you to look at this.

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?30801-Compassionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

You cannot be expected to follow it to the letter but it might give you some ideas of coping with your great grandpas behaviour.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,812
Merseyside
Sweetie I know you're struggling but grandpa is very poorly & can't help what he is doing.

He probably doesn't understand who you are or your relationship to him.
My grandad regressed to his early marriage years so had no idea who us grandchildren were.

Has your mum spoken to his GP & social services about help?
 

Gigglemore

Registered User
Oct 18, 2013
526
British Isles
Hopefully your mom will soon have care arrangements in place so that you can move out. Sounds like you have done really well so far in supporting her to care for your grandpa.

In the meantime would she buy you a small plug-in halogen heater for your bedroom? Try putting a large bright "STOP" sign on the outside of your door as it might just stop him opening it. Could you place a chair against the door to stop him easily opening it at night so that you feel safer?

Have a chat with your mom and see if she knows when your move out will be. If it's just a couple of weeks then maybe you can cope a little longer. Although she wants to help your grandpa, your happiness is really important too and at your age you need to be able to focus on your school work rather than having a very stressful situation at home.

Hope things change for you soon.
 

Moonflower

Registered User
Mar 28, 2012
775
I agree with having a chat with your mum to try to get an idea how long you have to live with this for.
Do you have a schoolfriend you could stay with temporarily? Or another relative? Even just for a few days to give you a break from this.

Please do explain to your mum how unhappy you are