1. Our next Q&A session is on the topic of Christmas and dementia.This time we want our Q&A to involve our resident experts, you! Share tips and advice on navigating Christmas here in this thread.

    Pop by and post your questions or if you prefer you can email your question to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.
  1. DuskStar

    DuskStar Registered User

    Mar 22, 2008
    22
    How long does it take to stop hurting? My Granpa died nearly 18 months ago. I was never able to go to the funeral, because of loads of reasons. I regret that a lot.

    I feel like I was robbed of the most amazing man I ever knew. He was so sweet, and gentle and dementia ruined that. For six years I watched him totally change before he sadly died.

    I was robbed of six years when I could have had my wonderful Granpa there. Instead I never got the chance to make him proud. I got a place in university, to study Maths before he died, but I could never explain but dementia had already destroyed him. I never got chance to make him proud of me, cause dementia ruined that chance.

    I miss him everyday. I still havent put up the photos I have of him. I still cry when I hear his favourite songs. No one understands how much it still hurts.

    Now my Grandad has dementia, and I dont think I can go through all this again so soon after.

    How long till it stops hurting and I feel okay? I still miss him everyday :(
     
  2. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    I wish I could answer that all I can say is it does get easier as time goes on.

    Your post really struck a chord with me as my husband is Granpa to our grandchildren and the youngest nearly three will have no memories of him as he really is only with this awful disease.The eldest like you has started university.

    Treasure your memories and wherever he is now he will be proud of you. Whilst you were growing up he loved you and was proud of your early achievements. Be proud of yourself.

    I am sorry you are now having to face this all over again with your other grandparent so post here often and gain support from the other members.

    Sending you love and a big hug.

    Linda x
     
  3. DuskStar

    DuskStar Registered User

    Mar 22, 2008
    22
    For your youngest grandchild, take photos, and show them photos. Make sure they know what an amazing person he was without the disease. I am so grateful for the wonderful times I had with my Granpa when he was well. I try to forget the horrible times.

    My younger sister has very few memories of my Granpa being okay, because he became ill when she was young, probably about 8. I always tell her about what an amazing man he was, and I'm sure she knows how wonderful he was, from the stories we all tell her.

    Don't let your youngest grandchild grow up not knowing how wonderful their Granpa was when he was well.

    Its odd, you can still have happy memories even when they have dementia really bad. I've just remembered and thought of a time when my Granpa had dementia really bad, it was at a stage where he became convinced I was a prostitute, and he kept hallucinating... But I remember one day he was standing in the kitchen and singing along to 'Jerusulem' on the radio. He didnt know my name, but he knew that word perfect. And for five minutes it was all wonderful again. I asked for them to play that song at his funeral, I don't think I ever explained why.

    I miss him a lot :(
     
  4. Linda Mc

    Linda Mc Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    1,881
    Nr Mold
    Yes, we have photos for the youngest put them on one of those digital frames as she lives a few hundred miles from us so she sees them every day also have lots of video footage to show her when she is older.

    Memories are so precious I'm glad you have lots of happy memories of your wonderful Granpa, try to think of them as much as you can. Love your Jerusalem memory.

    Linda x
     

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