My Granny is dying

[Lisa74]

My lovely Granny who has had a long 10 year battle with Vascular Dementia is dying here in our house and has been given diamorphine and palliative care by the out of hours doctor to help her.

Everything feels unreal. I have spent lots of time being so fed up with the dementia and the effect it has had on our family (with granny having moved into my parents house 10 years ago and having needed significant levels of care for 11 years) but now I feel lost and worried about how the grief is about to affect my family. My Mum has been caring for my Gran as though she were a toddler for the past 18 months and is going to miss my Gran immensely- she calls her 'little one' and has spent all the time that she has away from work caring for her.

I feel that I have not spent enough time or been kind enough to my Granny in recent months because I have been resentful of the situation. I think there are a lot of things that I will regret in the coming months/years because I could have been nicer to my granny, particularly in the last few months.

 

[Izzy]

I'm so sorry to hear about your granny. Please don't be too hard on yourself. We can all look back and think we may have done things differently. The important thing now is that you are there for her now. I'm sure you must be a great help and support for your mum.

Wishing your granny peace.

 

[Lisa74]

Thank you for caring Izzy.

I'm not sure that I have been a support but I will try to support my Mum through this now.

 

[Cat27]

I'm so sorry Lisa. Don't let the guilt monster get to you.

 

[Grannie G]

It`s not too late Lisa. Try not to dwell on what you could have done but concentrate on what you can do now.

 

[Saffie]

Dementia is hard on everyone, for the person affected of course but also for those who live alongside it. We can all make mistakes, can be off-hand and sometimes wish it would all just go away. That's because we are human beings and are not perfect.
For someone very young it is harder to be patient and understanding all the time but you still have the opportunity to show your grandmother how much you really care. Just make the most of the time left. Best wishes to you and your mother at this sad time.

 

[lemonjuice]

I agree, put the past (and guilt) behind you and concentrate on what you need to say now, so you won't feel bad in the future. That's what this time is for; to ensure you say everything that needs to be said, ask forgiveness and most importantly tell your granny that you love her and help your granny and your mum 'to let go' in peace.

 

[mab]

Such a difficult time for you Lisa. At such a time we all wonder what we left undone and wish we'd done so much differently. 10 years is a long, long time and I'll bet there are lots of good things you've done over those years.
I hope your gran goes peacefully. So important now that you can be there for your mother and come through this together.
Be gentle with yourself.

 

[Earthgirl72]

I can only echo what everyone else has already said.

Sending love and strength to you all x

 

[Selinacroft]

Hi Lisa
Hugs for you at this difficult time. You have already done far more than you think just by being there and allowing mum to support granny. This in itself is a huge sacrifice so please don't beat yourself up. I care for Dad with dementia and I hold my hands up to raising my voice occasionaly, in fact he acused me of sounding like an angry school mistress the other day , to which we both collapsed in laughter. It is natural to feel resentment having dementia in the family but as the weeks and months role by you will all find a new normal and be able to do things you haven't before.

 

[Lisa74]

Granny passed away on Friday

Thank you so much for the kind messages. My Granny passed away in her own bed on Friday with my parents, my brother and I sitting next to her.

We shared a lovely Granny-Granddaughter relationship pre-dementia and right up until her dementia was quite severe (I was her primary carer during work hours for a couple of years so learnt lots about dementia-related behavioural and continence issues, feeding etc.).

Now I'm focusing on who my Granny was pre-dementia- she was elegant, incredibly intelligent, funny, thoughtful and ahead of her time in her thinking and attitudes. Her life deserves to be celebrated for all that it was and she should be remembered for who she was not for her dementia. xxx

 

[jan.s]

I'm sorry to read that your Granny passed away. Take comfort from her peace and remember the happy times with her.

 

[Chemmy]

So sorry to hear that, Lisa.

Be kind to yourself. And no regrets; you have done far more than most. Time to look forward and make your granny proud.

 

[Selinacroft]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss Lisa, My condolences to yourself and family.

 

[jorgieporgie]

Thoughts sent out to you and your Family xx

 

[Shedrech]

hello Lisa74
sad news; my condolences to you and your family
what a wonderful way to remember such an important woman in your life

my Granny - she was elegant, incredibly intelligent, funny, thoughtful and ahead of her time in her thinking and attitudes. Her life deserves to be celebrated

 

[Cat27]

I'm so sorry Lisa. My thoughts are with you.

 

[webby123]

so sorry to hear this,take care x

 

[Marcelle123]

Sympathy & best wishes to you, Lisa, in your sad loss.

 

[HillyBilly]

So sorry Lisa. Your Granny sounds like she was a lovely person and I'm sure she was proud to have such a caring granddaughter x