My Grandma suffers very serious alzheimer's and has a for a long time.
I'm finding it really hard to deal with right now, specially when I'm young and am going through my own serious depression.
She's in a nursing home in Bancary I think.. She was in one in Ballater (where she lived) but they treated her really badly.
I've gotten to a point that I can't ever face visiting her without breaking down.
I noticed how bad it was when it was my Grandfather's funeral ( he was the only person I was close to in my whole family) and my Gran kept asking where her husband was, and he was obviously in the coffin in front of her.
I cried that whole day and no one ever comforted me. I spent days at school, cluctching onto a picture of him and no one talked to me.
I don't know how to deal with this all. My depression is getting worse, and I havent slept and ate properly in a long time. And I ruined my exams because I was too depressed to do anything.
My mum is going to kill me.[
Hello Randomstudent. I am touched by your concern and I am a senior citizen looking after my mother who is acting in the same way as your grandmother, so it does not matter that you are young or that I am old, it is the time for you to tighten up on becoming a 'tough' boy. Visiting her is not the same as living with her (as I do) 24 x7. Nevertheless you can arrive fresh with all the young knowledge you have. Just THINK about any IDEA OR NEW INNOVATION that only you can detect by knowing your grandmother.
Here are some tips that work for me after a long slog:
I no longer mention my father's name, nor speak about the things they did as it seems to exacerbate my mother into asking where he is. After about 2 years, my mother sees my husband (aged nearly 70, sitting in an armchair watching television) and 'assumes' it is my father. In fact any male anywhere who has white hair is a target for my mum.
My husband takes her to the supermarket. She insists on pushing the trolley, but my husband pulls it from the front. He tells her to wait with the trolley in the main isle while he goes up and down the side isles. When he returns she has always hooked onto a male with white hair. Now we just laugh which hides the tears (knowing the reason why she is still searching for someone who is no longer with us).
Here's the most recent tip, ideal for you youngsters. Try it out on your next visit. For a first trial just download onto a cheap MP3 (aRGOS £20) 1 or 2 cds (could be available by order in local library). What you downlload is extremely important and must work for your Grandmother first time - to impress her. So think carefully about what year it was when she was between 15 - 25 years of age. Look for those particular CDs. and make a particular effort to personalise them to HER preference, not yours.
For instance, my story is that my grandfather in Londonplayed the piano, practically all day, in a honkie tonkie fashion. My mother aged 20 -30 sang solo soprano (church music in latin, ave maria, etc). Therefore I have in the car cassettes which play all the "knees up" music but also I have recently gleaned success with Catherine Jenkins (young welsh soprano), but especially Nana Miscouri (who sings popular older songs). Just watch my mums face and it says i all. Now if we want her to be calmed down and happy we dash around looking for the MP3, renewing battery every few days. She saunters off down the garden swaying to and fro with her favourite sounds. Now my husband complains as he gets carried away with the bl* television and Mum with her MP3 is singing out loud to the songs she loves. You have to laugh!
Next tip
THINK about what your grandmother liked doing when she was your age. If you don't know, then ask around your family, or guess.
I remember as a child that family had laughed at my Mum because she won a swimming contest at school but left the prize cup on a 52 tram between Vauxhall and Victoria. So this month's challenge has been THE SWIMMING POOL. I could go myself, but found that my caring neighbour (who walks my Mum for a small fee) also likes swimming. Yesterday my Mum swam 2 lengths, or it could have been 2 widths. Either is absolutely delightful.
Tip
I say, mum count up to twenty and I'll be back. And she does. It works each time.
So randomstudent, toughen up your emotions which of course are so genuine. Instead search for ideas and keep searching. Learn how to drive, take your Nan for a ride in a car and have her singing to the music of her years which you have divised. You will never regret these moments, ever.
My next endeavour is to research the walkie talkie baby monitor thingies, as I get up 2 or 3 times in the night when I hear my Mum. But sometimes she is so quiet that she gets up to mischief (rearranges the bedroom but really looking for the loo) before I arrive. I am working out that hearing her is not enough. If I get a monitor where she can hear my voice she should be comforted and will wait 30 seconds until I reach her.
So that is it RS. Take stock that if you had your grandmother at home with you, it is 24 x 7 and you definitely would never get any revision, nor exams done. Your granmother needs you to SUCCEED (in exams). Do your exams for her. Get smart, get clever and think up many other IDEAS for her that I have not found out yet.
Last thing is a MUST. With Alzheimers the magic word is NOW. That is NOW, NOW, NOW, not 5 seconds ago. Everything to do with past or future, albeit important should be put aside while you are WITH your grandmother. Hold her hand (even put on some cream and gently massage her hands too) and start with the following "My name is Randomstudent and I am your grandson who loves you very much. I am (sixteeen) years of age and am aiming to be a wise student and am doing exams at school, bla, bla.
Good luck. I would like to know if you PUT THIS INTO PRACTICE.
Mag
original Londoner