1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. My Grandma suffers very serious alzheimer's and has a for a long time.

    I'm finding it really hard to deal with right now, specially when I'm young and am going through my own serious depression.

    She's in a nursing home in Bancary I think.. She was in one in Ballater (where she lived) but they treated her really badly.

    I've gotten to a point that I can't ever face visiting her without breaking down.

    I noticed how bad it was when it was my Grandfather's funeral ( he was the only person I was close to in my whole family) and my Gran kept asking where her husband was, and he was obviously in the coffin in front of her.

    I cried that whole day and no one ever comforted me. I spent days at school, cluctching onto a picture of him and no one talked to me.

    I don't know how to deal with this all. My depression is getting worse, and I havent slept and ate properly in a long time. And I ruined my exams because I was too depressed to do anything.

    My mum is going to kill me.
     
  2. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Firstly you need proper help
    you need to explain to your Mum how this problem with your Gran makes you feel and how you have messed up your exams .......better now than later when results are out

    Somehow you need to distance yourself from all this
    Your Mum may be feeling equally upset about your grans state but feel unable to tell you

    I guess your gran is not that old which makes it doubly hard however I lost my Grandfather when i was still at school and my daughters were only 10 and 12 when both their beloved Grandfathers died so its a pretty common situation

    I am now watching my 90 yr old Mother sucumb to Dementia but both I and my daughters and even all the Grandchildren recognise she is very old , very frail and has been extremely difficult for a long time and that we all have to die of something
     
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,417
    Ok, take a deep breath. Now - make an appointment with your doctor. DO IT NOW!! Sorry to shout, but as a well medicated depressive, I can tell you you'll be no use to anyone if you don't get help for this. When it affects your sleeping (you sleep too little, or in my case too much) everything else will go down the tubes. This is your first priority, before your grandmother, before you deal with your mother's disappointment (and she may surprise you). Just in case you're concerned about "letting the side down" - my view is that depression is similar to diabetes. In both conditions part of you stops making the necessary chemicals. I'm not saying to have to be medicated, just as not all diabetics neeed insulin (that can sometimes be managed by diet), but if you need the medication, you need it. Get to a doctor, or a student health centre, or a mental health clinic (whatever is closest and most quickly available) and do it now. If everywhere is closed when you read this, AND you can wait until tomorrow, look online for your options and plan to go tomorrow, come hell or high water. If you can't wait (and by that, I mean if you think you might hurt yourself) look here:
    http://www.wellscotland.info/contacts/immediate-help.html

    Jennifer
     
  4. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Hello, Random student!

    Agree with Helena about 'proper' help - but what is that? There is a lot more in your post than simply dealing with your grandma's current situation and how you feel about that.....

    I wonder how old you are - not asking you to 'declare' it - but 'help' can come in different forms and perhaps surprisingly, sometimes the younger you are the more is available - even though it must never seem like it..... and often, because no-one bothers to tell you .....

    You will have lots of support here when you need it

    Hang on in there,

    Love Karen (TF), x
     
  5. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi Random student
    i agree with what's been said.....I've been taking anti depressants for a long time now and they really help....don't ignore the signs...you need to get some help from your GP
    glad you found this site
    Take care and see your GP asap!!
    Love
    Wendy
     
  6. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    I've had to combine studying with the decline in my mothers health and extra workload that caring for her as caused. I know that our situations aren't the same because I was a mature student but I just wanted to tell you that your teachers/school will want to work with you and I'm sure they'll offer you as much help and support as they can.

    My college was great, they let me study at home for the last year of my B.A. (Hons)... allowed me to hand in all of my work on the last day possible ( that meant that I ended up getting an extra month to get my work in). Without the support of my tutors I would have been forced to re-sit my final year, but I managed to get my work handed in and was awarded a 2.1(which I'm very happy about).

    I was also on anti depressants but I decided that they weren't for me BUT I'm know on a herbal "anti depressant" and I'm much happier on those.

    The hardest part of getting help is actually admitting that you have a problem and then asking for help.... I know because I've been there.

    Good luck,

    Paul
     
  7. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Random Student.
    Welcome to TP, sorry that you are feeling so low at the moment. You are going through a really tough time, with grandma ill, grandad dying, and school exams. It will pass; it will get better - you have to ride out the storm. As others say there are people who can help. Is there someone at your school you can talk to, or a best friend? Have you an auntie or uncle you could confide in? Is there a local church? Don't forget there is ChildLine, this caters for all young people in the UK (not just young children) - there number is 08001111 - you can talk to their counsellors about anything.
    Find someone to share your problems with. Remember, this is only a bad patch, you will get through it, life will improve.
    Post on here whenever you feel like it. There are lots of lovely people, probably with children or grandchildren your age. We'd love to hear from you.
    Love Helen
     
  8. Just to let everyone know.. I'm 15 years old.

    I've seen two different Gp's, I've had a councillor, I've had a student nurse, talked to my guidance teacher (at my old school.. I recently moved to a different one), I've talked to my new guidance teacher...

    I really want anti-depressants to be honest but no one has suggested that they would work for me. There the only thing I have left.

    Everything has just gone wrong.

    I've had many suicide attempts, I self harm a lot. I'm just this big stupid mess.

    My Gran and Granpa were the only people who thought I could become something. They were the only people I know who saw me like no one else did. Now that their gone, (well my Granma is technically gone) no one compliments me, no one tells me I can do something.

    I don't see a point in life anymore.
     
  9. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,417
    Oh sweetie. you're in a tough situation. Look, my DS (now 17, and back on track thank goodness) went through a period of cutting, and I know there's not a lot an outsider (or a parent for that matter) can say. I know it seems like it calms you down, but it's never the answer. Being a teenager can stink at the best of time, and and at the worst, well, there is probably nothing worse. I assume you feel you can't talk about this to your parents? So be it. Amy gave you the number for childline. Get off the computer and call it now - I can assure you that nothing you can say to them will be new, but you need immediate help. Incidentally, when you talk to these people or a counselor, do not do the "brave face" thing - you have to be very open about your difficulties.

    Jennifer

    P.S. And if, by the wildest chance, you happen to be a troll (and it happens) well you have other problems, and you need help for those.
     
  10. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Random Student,
    Hey love, you are the same age as one of my son's. I know how difficult he finds me at the moment - lots of rows.
    Your Gran still loves you; somewhere she is still in there, loving you. She just cannot communicate it any more.When someone we love is dying form dementia it is so hard to watch them disappearing, the pain just goes on and on. It is upsetting when we visit them in a Nursing Home - I know I often cry when I drive away from my mum, and I am meant to be a tough 'grown up'.
    Keep talking to people, you sound to be doing all the right things. Well done.
    When was it that your granpa died? What did you used to enjoy doing with him?
    I'm sure he is still keeping an eye on you!
    Things will get better - I know that it may not feel that way at the moment.
    Remember the Child Line number that I gave you; you can phone them anytime.
    Take care love,
    Helen
     
  11. mel

    mel Registered User

    Apr 30, 2006
    1,656
    Sheffield
    Hi again Random student,
    You are the same age as my daughter...
    You have been through such a lot recently...first, your grandad died,then you find you've "lost" your grandma too,then you've changed schools,then you've "messed up" your exams....wow...thats a lot to cope with!
    As far as your exams go....are they your GCSE,s?....at 15 I assume you could nearly be 16....if so....you can re-sit them...and I'm sure your mum won't kill you!!!
    my daughter was very depressed when her grandad died (last year) and she discovered how ill her grandma was with dementia.......the way she coped.?..she talked ......to anybody and everybody who would listen....If you feel you have no-one there are plenty of people on here who will listen....BUT I really do urge you to take Helen's advice and phone childline or even the samaritans please
    Take care,love
    Let us know how you get on please
    Love
    Wendy
    x
     
  12. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    hi random :)

    this sounds really tough for you. BUT ...... it's your grandparents that are gone ... NOT their vision for you. They believe/d you could become something ..... you CAN become something. It's them that are gone, not your potential. Things might get delayed a bit if you've screwed up your exams recently. Not surprising really ... you've had a tough time and a lot of change by the sounds of it. But at 15 you've got time to retake and get back on track.

    good luck with it, stuck around, we're here for you

    Áine
     
  13. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    618
    Male
    Ronda Spain
    P.S. And if, by the wildest chance, you happen to be a troll (and it happens) well you have other problems, and you need help for those.
     
  14. magkeewest

    magkeewest Registered User

     
  15. jarnee

    jarnee Registered User

    Mar 18, 2006
    181
    leicestershire
    Randomstudent

    Amazing advice from Mag....I have learned some tips (Thanks, Mag) I especially like the "count to 20" one...I'll try that

    Go for it RS ......sounds to me like you've got a good heart. I find doing things for others makes me feel better...I hope you will too

    Jarnee
    XXX
     
  16. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Well, can I be one to compliment you? Look what you have already shown by coming here...... look at your PC skills for a start, your ability to express yourself so well, but more importantly showing the honesty and courage to admit to having problems and seeking help.... then there is the obvious love, care and concern for your grandparents - which has clearly been mutual. There is such terrible pressure at your age to 'become something' - I would say you already ARE. You are a caring young person. As my son faces his teenage years, of course I would love for him to achieve exam successes but more importantly I want him to be a good, honest, caring, conscientious young man....

    I hope you've already managed to take up some of the advice offered here. One other avenue of help which may be very relevant to you is www.There4me.com. It's an on-line source of support run by the NSPCC specifically for teenagers and about ANY issue which may be troubling you.....

    Do let us know how you are,

    Love, Karen (TF), x
     
  17.  
  18. PatH

    PatH Registered User

    Feb 14, 2005
    301
    N.Ireland
    Random Student,
    Having read your posts, as a grandparent I am extremly concerned about you. I have a 15yr old grandson and I am aware of the great sense of loss that this Ad has caused him.
    You have been given lots of advice by caring friends on this forum, all I ask is that you keep talking face to face with either your new doctor ,teacher etc. They may not seem to help straight away but with time you might learn to deal with all your personal issues as well as your Grans AD.
    I am so sorry that you are suffering so much pain.
    Pat
     

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