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My grandfather won’t bathe

carly1

New member
Apr 1, 2021
5
0
My grandfather has been having a career visit twice a week. He is now refusing every time to not wash, this includes the quick wash that he was occasionally having in his bedroom.

I feel that I have hit a brick wall in terms of being able to communicate the need to wash … what is my next step?
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
6,416
0
Nottinghamshire
Welcome to the forum @carly1

I was going to suggest getting a carer in but I see you’ve already done that. Some carers are better at dealing with reluctant washers than others though!

Bribery worked quite well on my dad - I used to take him to the pub for lunch only if he’d had a shower and changed his clothes…
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
8,026
0
Essex
My grandfather has been having a career visit twice a week. He is now refusing every time to not wash, this includes the quick wash that he was occasionally having in his bedroom.

I feel that I have hit a brick wall in terms of being able to communicate the need to wash … what is my next step?
I had the same trouble with dad. It was easier getting him to shave as I could just put him in front of the mirror.

MaNaAk
 
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carly1

New member
Apr 1, 2021
5
0
Thank you for your reply. This has been something we have thought about (both a new carer and bribery).
Just sad it doesn’t seem to get any easier
Welcome to the forum @carly1

I was going to suggest getting a carer in but I see you’ve already done that. Some carers are better at dealing with reluctant washers than others though!

Bribery worked quite well on my dad - I used to take him to the pub for lunch only if he’d had a shower and changed his clothes…
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,430
0
High Peak
There's always the drastic approach:

'Oh dear dad, I'm so clumsy! I've spilled my mug of (luke warm!) tomato soup all down you! Here - let me help you have a wash and get changed...'
 

Bactorem

Registered User
Jun 30, 2022
23
0
Hi, regarding not wanting to wash, I am finding this now with my husband. I keep trying to get him to have a shower to freshen his nether regions up but he just won't. He has a shave of sorts but thats about it. Bearing in mind he doesn't always get to the toilet in time, I want him to wash. I put pads in his pants, but he takes them out and puts them in all different places ie draw, window sill. Any ideas on how I can get him to wash without him getting a little aggressive?
 

carly1

New member
Apr 1, 2021
5
0
Hi, regarding not wanting to wash, I am finding this now with my husband. I keep trying to get him to have a shower to freshen his nether regions up but he just won't. He has a shave of sorts but thats about it. Bearing in mind he doesn't always get to the toilet in time, I want him to wash. I put pads in his pants, but he takes them out and puts them in all different places ie draw, window sill. Any ideas on how I can get him to wash without him getting a little aggressive?
This sounds exactly the same as the issue we are having. We have actually got rid of the carer we had as my grandfather was just turning him away and refusing his service so we have now taken this role on ourselves.
My grandfather also doesn’t like putting on the pads and claims he doesn’t need them (although he very much does). I am just lucky that he responds well to me and therefore I can get more out of him than other family members.
I have tried the use of ‘bribery’ which has worked a couple of times when he has wanted his hair cut so I suggest if this is possible for you to give it a try.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
12,751
0
Southampton
would just giving him a warm flannel with soap on it work? i shower my husband but he does his nether regions as i want to preserve some dignity and hes capable of it. i also come out of the shower so he has a bit of privacy.
they may not want a shower but a wash at the sink maybe a better option.
 

carly1

New member
Apr 1, 2021
5
0
would just giving him a warm flannel with soap on it work? i shower my husband but he does his nether regions as i want to preserve some dignity and hes capable of it. i also come out of the shower so he has a bit of privacy.
they may not want a shower but a wash at the sink maybe a better option.
We have tried flannel washes too but even those seem to be hit and miss
 

Wishful thinking

New member
Jun 30, 2022
9
0
Gloucestershire
This sounds very familiar.My husband hasn’t trouble-down below but is very reluctant to wash and shave.He generally makes excuses and says he’s too tired or will do it to tomorrow. Having said that last night I couldn’t believe it when I heard him washing and shaving and then came up to me and asked if I’d cut his hair. Today though not interested at all definitely very hit and miss. He also says he doesn’t feel well or feels wonky and I don’t really know whether he is or not.
 

carly1

New member
Apr 1, 2021
5
0
This sounds very familiar.My husband hasn’t trouble-down below but is very reluctant to wash and shave.He generally makes excuses and says he’s too tired or will do it to tomorrow. Having said that last night I couldn’t believe it when I heard him washing and shaving and then came up to me and asked if I’d cut his hair. Today though not interested at all definitely very hit and miss. He also says he doesn’t feel well or feels wonky and I don’t really know whether he is or not.
100% agree with this! On every arrival when I ask how he is I get the response I’m not well or I’m not feeling well and I too am not sure whether he is.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,895
0
South coast
My MIL (vascular dementia) went through a phase where she used to phone me every evening to tell me she wasnt well, or she felt poorly. My SIL (her main carer) assured me that she had been checked and there was nothing wrong.

Looking back now I suspect that she was sundowning and did not understand her confusion, so thought she was unwell.
 

northumbrian_k

Volunteer Host
Mar 2, 2017
2,464
0
Newcastle
Hi @Bactorem and @Wishful thinking and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. Hygiene and personal care are some of the commonest and most difficult issues that occur. I don't have any good answers other than to persevere gently. My wife was more accepting of personal care when this was offered by a professional befriender/carer but this may not be appropriate to your situations.
 

Bactorem

Registered User
Jun 30, 2022
23
0
Hi @Bactorem and @Wishful thinking and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. Hygiene and personal care are some of the commonest and most difficult issues that occur. I don't have any good answers other than to persevere gently. My wife was more accepting of personal care when this was offered by a professional befriender/carer but this may not be appropriate to your situations.
Thank you for acknowledging my problem. I thought it was just me that was having this problem. It helps to be able to write things down because, so far, my feelings have all been bottled up inside me, so this website is actually helping me.
 

SeaSwallow

Registered User
Oct 28, 2019
242
0
@Bactorem, one of the worst things that a carer can do is to bottle things up. That’s why Talking Point is great. We can talk about our feelings or problems without being judged. One of the things I have found useful is to start a daily thread just to talk about my feelings or things that have happened. Sometimes people comment sometimes they don’t but the main is I have somewhere to vent. If I have a question then I start a specific thread. This site has certainly kept me sane at times.