Hello everyone, I'm new to this forum, my husband and I have been caring for my 88 year old Grandfather on a live in basis for nearly two years with our almost three year daughter living with us all too. He lived in a house in Somerset with my Grandmother for forty years until she passed away a decade ago and left him living on his own with only a cleaner popping in twice a week. Following a fall and incidents of getting lost in a town which he had always been familiar with, also he nearly burned the house down falling asleep and leaving a pan on the hob, we decided as a family to take him from there and move him to Wales to be close to us and my mother. He agreed to appoint us LPA for property and finances so we could assist with selling his home in Somerset and purchase something suitable for him in Wales with ground floor facilities etc. It quickly became apparent that his finances were in ruin and needed a lot of tidying up and he had been ripped off multiple times by companies etc. His mobility is very poor and he can now only walk a few yards with the help of a zimmer frame. Following an assessment it became clear that he would not be safe to live independently with only the available care calls in the area, we offered to move in with him to assist with shopping, laundry, cooking, and general keeping an eye on things. The house we decided to purchase on his behalf is suitable to comfortably accommodate all of with essentially us living upstairs and him having all of the ground floor facilities including ground floor bathroom and bedroom. Skip forward to now, he has been diagnosed with vascular dementia which we all suspected due to the following behaviours, wandering outside to the edge of the road and forgetting how he got there or how to get back, verbal aggression which my husband and I have to deal with on a daily basis f'ing and blinding over any minute thing and blaming us for his ailments, incontinence - have been up in the early hours of the morning cleaning up ungodly mess, trawling though draws and cupboards and coming up with fantasy accusations, found him attempting to prepare his own breakfast wielding a meat cleaver to cut a grapefruit in half, hallucinations of our cat traumatising him in the night when he was in fact locked outside, short-term memory practically non existent, leaving taps running and I could go on. In a nut shell, we agreed to care for him at home for as long a reasonably possible as he didn't wish to go straight to a care home, I have a degree to study, my husband has a work from home IT job, and I have consequently had a nervous breakdown with all the pressure. I'm not sleeping and having regular panic attacks. I sorted him with respite last week which is due to end on August 31st, we decided that it was too much for me to take on again as I need space to get my head back to good level especially with my young daughter to prioritise. The local care home who are familiar with him, very good and highly sought after here have offered him a permanent space in October and meet all of his needs. He won't hear of it, not even consider it, and now has a vendetta against me and is telling everyone including social services that I only want him out so I can bag his house. I'm so hurt, stressed and upset and just feeling like packing up my family and running far away. Social services have insisted that he has capacity to make the decision and are bring him back here with only a morning and evening call per day. I told them that I cannot be here when he gets back as I am truly frightened of him at this stage and can no longer subject my family to the abusive behaviours, it's driving us all mad. I have argued that they are deliberately placing him in a vulnerable situation and the whole family and all carers involved totally agree. This man still says he can drive the car he sold three years ago, and will do his food shopping by taxi. He can't even safely make a cup of tea. What can I do? Any advice totally appreciated, we're at our wits end! Thanks in advance.