My Grandad

Grand daughter

Registered User
Jun 29, 2006
Hampshire, UK
First time to the site and I think it is really helpful - everyone helping sharing their own experiences has helped me to realise that my famly aren't the only people going through it.

My lovely Grandad has had Alzheimer's for a few years now and is now in a wonderful nursing home. He was in hospital for 5 months after a fall (due to heart attack) and doctors didn't think he would ever leave. He detoriated badly and refused to eat and drink - we made the decision NOT to ever feed him by tube or do anything to cause him any distress. The most important thing to us is that he never be in any pain and that he's comfortable. He picked up a bit and we got him into the only nursing home we wanted him to go - quite a long waiting list! - they deal specifically with people with dementia and so know how to approach him without upsetting him.

He does get aggressive which can be very upsetting but my Grandad is the kindest/gentlest man there ever was, so we know that it's not really him. I prefer to think that he has just got "lost" for a moment but that he's still in there somewhere. His sense of humour was also there, he would make funny faces to make me and mum laugh, even if he couldn't speak. Now he is very poorly and all we can do is try to make sure he is comfortable and pain free. I'm finding it hard to be strong for my mum as when I see him looking so thin and with no flicker of recognition, I can't help but get upset. He recognised my mum yesterday though and smiled when he saw her - these little things mean everything to us!

Thanks for listening! x


Registered User
May 14, 2006
Dear Grandaughter,
My Mum has vascular dementia and is also in a nursing home. She is now doing quite well and is looking a lot better physically. I'm convinced that she is more aware of peoples' feelings and body language than we realise as she seems to know if I'm sad or worried. She is actually living in the past, remembering things that happened in WW2 and in her childhood. The vacant look may be when she is dreaming of family and friends from her past.
If you go and visit your Grandad, then you are being strong for your Mum. My children (who are grown up) will only visit Mum if I go with them, but I appreciate it when they come too. Just do what you can and be there for your Mum when she wants to talk. It is difficult for everyone.

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