Hi everyone.
I'm a new member here and I need some advice. I'm 29 and one of 3 siblings (I'm the eldest). We've had a pretty tough year and just when we think things are getting better they tend to nose dive instead.
Last Christmas our Dad suddenly passed away aged 59. My Gran (his Mum) has Alzheimer's and is nearly 91. I don't know what stage of Alzheimer's my Gran is at, all I know is that she doesn't recognise me or my sister and thinks my brother is our Dad from when he was in his 20's. She still reads her mail but doesn't go out to pay her bills (I don’t think she cares about her bills these days) and she seems to understand what's going on around her but hasn't left her house in over a year or so. She spends most of her time in bed and eats very little. Some days it can be very difficult to get her to even go downstairs to the living room to watch some TV. This began to more noticeable 2 years prior to my Dad passing away when her sister passed away in a care home. Ever since then she's been talking about how she no longer wants to be here anymore and how she has no one (which is heart-breaking when she had her son and still has us). I’ve spoken to one of the Carers about frame of mind etc and she said that my Gran seems fine, content to just stay in bed most days.
Our Dad handled pretty much all of my Gran's affairs and communication with the Carers who visit her after she had been in hospital. Unfortunately for us he was very quiet about these things and didn't keep us in the loop, so it left us in a predicament when he passed away. As you can imagine being 28 at the time, sorting out his funeral and estate/will paperwork for the first time ever was hard and stressful enough along with trying to help take care of our Gran.
Now the first Care team we had made sure my Gran took her medication and helped out by making her simple meals which we’d bought. Their Council contract got taken over by a new Care team who do the same job but they also began washing clothes and changing bedding. The original Care bill wasn't very much but it was affordable for the alarm and medication supervision. Now it’s shot up and we weren't informed that they were going to go beyond what the previous team used to do.
To add another problem into the mix, my Dad used to get my Gran’s pension for her and pay her bills and for the care. However it's taken this long to get it signed over to my brother as the post office have been contradictory on their advice, given us the wrong forms on various occasions and from what I can gather, most staff aren't trained properly to deal with this stuff. It's been very frustrating! We don’t have access to her bank either, no power of attorney/deputyship etc…it’s all a bit too late for that now I think? (Plus she’s forgotten that Dad has passed away and we really don’t want to open that can of worms because we’re still dealing with the loss of our Dad.) So everything that needs paying has been coming out of our own funds, which has been hard as we’re all on tight budgets. Whilst we appreciated the Carer’s extra help, my Gran's pension doesn't even cover the weekly cost of their service now so we're having to cancel it and ask them to go back to basics and just focus on the medication at a much reduced cost.
I'm already feeling stressed as I work full time on random shift patterns and can’t afford to give up my job to look after her full time. My brother works evenings and weekends and will try his best to help (we've discussed at least 1 day a week we can meet up and get a good chunk of jobs done for my Gran) but he’s also helping look after a friend who has medical issues. As for my sister, she doesn't have a job at the moment and she can be very difficult (families eh?). I feel that whilst she agrees with what needs doing from now on, she may suddenly refuse to help out as much as she could (I told you she can be difficult) especially from the few occasions I've asked her to do a task for our Gran as I've been at work and that’s gone down like a lead balloon. *Sigh* I had discussed and looked into her becoming a full time Carer for our Gran as she lives closest but because my Gran isn't on any type of benefit my sister can’t claim any type of Carer benefit. We just need to make sure she’s eating and taking her medication 3 times a day but we can’t afford for it to cost the Earth.
I'm not sure what to do, we need the help but can’t afford it. How does everyone deal with matters when family members aren't as helpful as they could be? I don’t know if her Alzheimer's is going to get worse.
Thanks for the help.
~Bunnii
I'm a new member here and I need some advice. I'm 29 and one of 3 siblings (I'm the eldest). We've had a pretty tough year and just when we think things are getting better they tend to nose dive instead.
Last Christmas our Dad suddenly passed away aged 59. My Gran (his Mum) has Alzheimer's and is nearly 91. I don't know what stage of Alzheimer's my Gran is at, all I know is that she doesn't recognise me or my sister and thinks my brother is our Dad from when he was in his 20's. She still reads her mail but doesn't go out to pay her bills (I don’t think she cares about her bills these days) and she seems to understand what's going on around her but hasn't left her house in over a year or so. She spends most of her time in bed and eats very little. Some days it can be very difficult to get her to even go downstairs to the living room to watch some TV. This began to more noticeable 2 years prior to my Dad passing away when her sister passed away in a care home. Ever since then she's been talking about how she no longer wants to be here anymore and how she has no one (which is heart-breaking when she had her son and still has us). I’ve spoken to one of the Carers about frame of mind etc and she said that my Gran seems fine, content to just stay in bed most days.
Our Dad handled pretty much all of my Gran's affairs and communication with the Carers who visit her after she had been in hospital. Unfortunately for us he was very quiet about these things and didn't keep us in the loop, so it left us in a predicament when he passed away. As you can imagine being 28 at the time, sorting out his funeral and estate/will paperwork for the first time ever was hard and stressful enough along with trying to help take care of our Gran.
Now the first Care team we had made sure my Gran took her medication and helped out by making her simple meals which we’d bought. Their Council contract got taken over by a new Care team who do the same job but they also began washing clothes and changing bedding. The original Care bill wasn't very much but it was affordable for the alarm and medication supervision. Now it’s shot up and we weren't informed that they were going to go beyond what the previous team used to do.
To add another problem into the mix, my Dad used to get my Gran’s pension for her and pay her bills and for the care. However it's taken this long to get it signed over to my brother as the post office have been contradictory on their advice, given us the wrong forms on various occasions and from what I can gather, most staff aren't trained properly to deal with this stuff. It's been very frustrating! We don’t have access to her bank either, no power of attorney/deputyship etc…it’s all a bit too late for that now I think? (Plus she’s forgotten that Dad has passed away and we really don’t want to open that can of worms because we’re still dealing with the loss of our Dad.) So everything that needs paying has been coming out of our own funds, which has been hard as we’re all on tight budgets. Whilst we appreciated the Carer’s extra help, my Gran's pension doesn't even cover the weekly cost of their service now so we're having to cancel it and ask them to go back to basics and just focus on the medication at a much reduced cost.
I'm already feeling stressed as I work full time on random shift patterns and can’t afford to give up my job to look after her full time. My brother works evenings and weekends and will try his best to help (we've discussed at least 1 day a week we can meet up and get a good chunk of jobs done for my Gran) but he’s also helping look after a friend who has medical issues. As for my sister, she doesn't have a job at the moment and she can be very difficult (families eh?). I feel that whilst she agrees with what needs doing from now on, she may suddenly refuse to help out as much as she could (I told you she can be difficult) especially from the few occasions I've asked her to do a task for our Gran as I've been at work and that’s gone down like a lead balloon. *Sigh* I had discussed and looked into her becoming a full time Carer for our Gran as she lives closest but because my Gran isn't on any type of benefit my sister can’t claim any type of Carer benefit. We just need to make sure she’s eating and taking her medication 3 times a day but we can’t afford for it to cost the Earth.
I'm not sure what to do, we need the help but can’t afford it. How does everyone deal with matters when family members aren't as helpful as they could be? I don’t know if her Alzheimer's is going to get worse.
Thanks for the help.
~Bunnii