Hi, i`m looking for help as i don`t really have any experience with dementia. Its more to help my friend at the moment who`s husband has just been told he has Vascular Dementia. I would not say she is in denial, more she just does not know anything about Dementia. She is very angry at no help being given from the hospital. My question really is, am i right to think the hospital can`t help ? I really need help on how to deal with this, as i`m the only person she has to even help her. Many thanks for any advice you can give me
My friends husband just been told he has Vascular Dementia
- Thread starter Jenny221
- Start date
The help I got was and is from this forum.
I knew little about dementia and the little I knew was commonplaces.
Here I can find the experiences of those who live in close contact with the desease.
I get help from nobody else, but in the UK it seems different.
I've to participate in an English forum, nothing of the sort here in Italy.
As regards information about dementia ,it is lacking...let alone support to patients and their families
I knew little about dementia and the little I knew was commonplaces.
Here I can find the experiences of those who live in close contact with the desease.
I get help from nobody else, but in the UK it seems different.
I've to participate in an English forum, nothing of the sort here in Italy.
As regards information about dementia ,it is lacking...let alone support to patients and their families
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/downl...ing_and_supporting_a_person_with_dementia.pdf
Hi and welcome to Talking Point.
The above factsheet is just one of many on the forum and would be one to start with. Maybe your friend could join the forum to get the support, advice and friendship from the members here.
She will need lots of support from friends and from professionals so needs to know where to go and what doors to go banging on. She is lucky to have a friend like you to support her.
The fact sheets can be found at the top of the page on the right hand side under Alzheimers Society Resources.
Hi and welcome to Talking Point.
The above factsheet is just one of many on the forum and would be one to start with. Maybe your friend could join the forum to get the support, advice and friendship from the members here.
She will need lots of support from friends and from professionals so needs to know where to go and what doors to go banging on. She is lucky to have a friend like you to support her.
The fact sheets can be found at the top of the page on the right hand side under Alzheimers Society Resources.
Hi Jenny and welcome to Talking Point.
What sort of help is your friends looking for?
If she is looking for help with, for example, getting him up and dressed then this is something can be helped by carers coming in. She can ask Social Services for a needs assessment for her husband and a carers assessment for herself. There are various organisations who provide a sitting/befriending service to give her a break. Depending on his finances she may have to pay for these things.
Find out what the local Alzheimers society is doing in your local area. They often have drop in centres, coffee mornings etc and there is quite often courses about dementia organised.
If she is thinking about medical help (ie drugs) to help with the dementia, then you are right - there are none for vascular dementia. Donepezil helps to slow down the progression, but only in Alzheimers, no other type of dementia. There are drugs which can help specific symptoms like anxiety and aggression, but nothing for the disease itself, im sorry to say.
What sort of help is your friends looking for?
If she is looking for help with, for example, getting him up and dressed then this is something can be helped by carers coming in. She can ask Social Services for a needs assessment for her husband and a carers assessment for herself. There are various organisations who provide a sitting/befriending service to give her a break. Depending on his finances she may have to pay for these things.
Find out what the local Alzheimers society is doing in your local area. They often have drop in centres, coffee mornings etc and there is quite often courses about dementia organised.
If she is thinking about medical help (ie drugs) to help with the dementia, then you are right - there are none for vascular dementia. Donepezil helps to slow down the progression, but only in Alzheimers, no other type of dementia. There are drugs which can help specific symptoms like anxiety and aggression, but nothing for the disease itself, im sorry to say.
Jean mentioned that a lot of factvsheets are available on the Alzheimer Society site. If she doesn't know much about Vascular Dementia your friend might find this useful.
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/download/downloads/id/2427/factsheet_what_is_vascular_dementia.pdf
Also this on after diagnosis -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20071/diagnosis/111/adjusting_to_your_diagnosis
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/download/downloads/id/2427/factsheet_what_is_vascular_dementia.pdf
Also this on after diagnosis -
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20071/diagnosis/111/adjusting_to_your_diagnosis
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hi Jenny221
and welcome from me too
here's a link to the main AS site listings of local services - there may be a carers/dementia café near your friend with people for her to chat to
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20011/find_support_near_you?_ga=2.117538447.721471181.1503062667-213745934.1462100281#!/search
best wishes
and welcome from me too
here's a link to the main AS site listings of local services - there may be a carers/dementia café near your friend with people for her to chat to
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/info/20011/find_support_near_you?_ga=2.117538447.721471181.1503062667-213745934.1462100281#!/search
best wishes
When my wife was first diagnosed we were left on our own for several weeks but then people started visiting us from the hospital with info/assistance. Was your friend told anything about this by the consultant/hospital? It could be that services are just better in my area, I can't say.
Thank you everyone. I do hope you all understand, this is very difficult for me to even find the right words. Firstly my friend & her husband are not an elderly couple if i can say that in a very polite way. Second, yes i`m English but she is not, which means she has no friends or family near by to help her deal with this. Due to this fact, i feel, and i can only say the way i`m viewing it, that`s its so so easy for her, to not even except anything is wrong. She seems to be very angry at the hospital for just telling them that he has Vascular Dementia and sending them on their way. Its so so difficult for me to even speak to her at the moment. Its like she wants to, but then again don`t wish to. I`m trying my best to push her very very slowly to groups such as this. This is going to be very very difficult for her as she is not in her own country. I do have very big fears for her, i really do. I have no real idea of what stage you would say he is at. Its memory, and lack of can`t remember his own address. I joined this group as i need to speak to people like yourselves in hope you can guide me along and also hopefully she will join, when she is ready. Thank you for your replies
Hi Jenny, welcome to TP
All the advice on her is good so join in and read around.
When you say that "She seems to be very angry at the hospital for just telling them that he has Vascular Dementia and sending them on their way" the NHS is there to treat medical conditions, once diagnosed other than some medications all the other issues are classed as "social" not medical.
It's a matter of definition but when you're diagnosed with a none treatable, other than stabilising medication it stops being a matter for the NHS, there is no treatment so there's nothing more for them to do.
It's a harsh reality but the states view is that the best place for someone with AZ to be is at my house, any problems se the GP and come to the memory clinic every 6 months, and that's more than some people get.
Help is very localised, compared to most I'm spoilt for choice living where I do but some places are very under resourced from what I read on here.
Sad to say but the NHS has done their bit, provided a diagnosis for an untreatable condition other issues are under the umbrella of social services.
K
All the advice on her is good so join in and read around.
When you say that "She seems to be very angry at the hospital for just telling them that he has Vascular Dementia and sending them on their way" the NHS is there to treat medical conditions, once diagnosed other than some medications all the other issues are classed as "social" not medical.
It's a matter of definition but when you're diagnosed with a none treatable, other than stabilising medication it stops being a matter for the NHS, there is no treatment so there's nothing more for them to do.
It's a harsh reality but the states view is that the best place for someone with AZ to be is at my house, any problems se the GP and come to the memory clinic every 6 months, and that's more than some people get.
Help is very localised, compared to most I'm spoilt for choice living where I do but some places are very under resourced from what I read on here.
Sad to say but the NHS has done their bit, provided a diagnosis for an untreatable condition other issues are under the umbrella of social services.
K
Thank you for your reply just now. Yes this is the problem i`m having with her at the moment. I truly am lost of how to deal with this. I do understand once the hospital can no longer treat anyone they have done their part. My husband died 5 years ago of cancer. But for some reason my friend does not except or understand this. Last night she sent me quite a few angry messages about the hospital. At one point she got very angry with me. I feel its when i started to look for some help somewhere. She was saying things like, oh do you call that care etc etc. When i did answer, she said , well i didnt wish a answer from you. I was so lost of what to say or not to say. Is she just looking to take her anger out on someone and the hospital is her only choice at the moment ? I just have no idea what to say or do
I would also like to ask if anyone can tell me, if its normal to just receive a letter to say you have been discharged from the memory clinic with no mention of returning. I ask this as this is what seemed to get my friend very angry many thanks to all
Hi Jenny.
Wonderful that you are trying to be a good friend.
Just so that you do not damage the long term friendship just remember that this sounds like a grief reaction more than anything else.
The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief.
Found that explanation online and it sounds about accurate.
She is probably in the denial/anger phase. Just let her vent until she moves on naturally and she will be more open to support later.
I wish everyone had friends like you.
Wonderful that you are trying to be a good friend.
Just so that you do not damage the long term friendship just remember that this sounds like a grief reaction more than anything else.
The five stages, denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance are a part of the framework that makes up our learning to live with the one we lost. They are tools to help us frame and identify what we may be feeling. But they are not stops on some linear timeline in grief.
Found that explanation online and it sounds about accurate.
She is probably in the denial/anger phase. Just let her vent until she moves on naturally and she will be more open to support later.
I wish everyone had friends like you.
Hi everyone. I`m so sorry to not reply back to you all. But between my work and other things. Thank you once again for you replies. After not such a great day between myself and my friend, i feel there is a slight break through that she may join this forum. I was telling her about how kind you all are, and i`m sure you can help her. She said to give her info and she will think about it, which trust me, is a break through. Help with food, would be a great help as her husband does have eating issue`s. I live in hope she will join and help this poor lady out of what she feels is hell she is in. Many thanks to all of you, your wonderful
