1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

My fault that he is losing his memory ...

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by fremington6, Jun 18, 2015.

  1. fremington6

    fremington6 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    24
    Devon
    Diagnosed 5 yrs ago hubby has deteriorated quite a lot in last six months. He tells me I am nagging all the time and I am sending him mad. Second rant this week, tomorrow he will have forgotten or say 'did I upset you yesterday'. I try so hard to help him and do things that I think will make him happy but as soon as I say no to anything at all, that sets him off. He says I've given him a headache and goes off to bed. I feel so isolated and am now my beginning to feel constantly on edge (which doesn't help). He can be so nasty and it's not the man I have been married to for 50 years. He has all the usual medication but I just dont know what to do next to keep him calm. Our family all live away but one son has visited for 2 days leaving today. Hubby was fine whilst he was here but son hadn't been gone half hour when the mood changed. Due to go away tomorrow for weekend but now he says doesn't want to go as I will nag him all the time! Sorry just wanted to get it off my chest, just a bad day.
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,566
    Female
    Scotland
    Are you able to go and leave him at home? I think you need some distance between you occasionally either from day care for him or just going out yourself and doing something you like.
     
  3. chris53

    chris53 Registered User

    Nov 9, 2009
    2,930
    London
    Hello freminton, so sorry you are having one of many, I expect, bad days now,I think we can cope most of the time with the challenges of dementia but the hostile actions and comments from someone you care about and now care for, can be so frustrating and so tiring,please have a chat with the GP to see if there is any medication that may help him in this "new" stage, and have another assessment for your needs, maybe a carer in? a few hours a week?if only to give you some breathing space and recharge your batterys:rolleyes: this illness can and does take over your life and it's hard for us to carry on as normal..when in truth we worry 24/7..I hope you can both manage to enjoy your weekend away, do please see if possible if you can discuss these problems with the doctor tomorrow.
    Take care
    Chris
     
  4. fremington6

    fremington6 Registered User

    Apr 30, 2013
    24
    Devon
    My fault he is losing his memory

    Thank you friends, I know I must go talk to the GP and will do so next week. I feel as though I am failing him. I perhaps get a cple of hrs a week and hv my garden as respite but do feel lonely. Anyway he woke up about half hrs ago saying 'when are we going away'. So we will be fine for a couple of days till the next meltdown. Tks for yr caring msgs.
     
  5. Kjn

    Kjn Registered User

    Jul 27, 2013
    5,835
    Fremington you sound like my mum. I completely understand Stick around, speak to gp and try and find some help. Mum goes (takes dad) to various groups together , one day he goes to an ageuk one where they are all suffering from dementia , they make things , he enjoys it so much I think as everyone's the same.
    There will be something out there, ..remember we are here too :Dxx
     
  6. Alan19531953

    Alan19531953 Registered User

    Jun 16, 2015
    36
    Olanzapine

    A low dose has really helped my wife and though it hasn't made the slightest of difference to her memory (as expected) the nastiness has very much reduced. Hope this helps.
     
  7. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    Hi. My Mum hated being told no. I found it was best to try not to use No. Obviously their are times you have to for the persons safety.
    I used delaying tactics, such as, ok but let's do or we need to do (whatever you can think of ) first

    Their is an old thread on here called .Compassionate communication with the Memory impaired , which you may find useful , though I must say it is not easy to follow esp when you are up to your eyes with it all and it doesn't always work. I'll see if I can find it for you. Back on mo.
     
  8. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    #8 lin1, Jun 18, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2015
  9. pamann

    pamann Registered User

    Oct 28, 2013
    2,635
    Kent
    Hello freminton6 my hubby was the same as yours, he is taking Sertraline anti depressants, it has made a great difference to his moods, please ask you GP l find ours so good her only concern is me, as we are the carer, l feel lonely having had such a wonderful 51yrs it is difficult to come to terms with, l hope you get some help
     
  10. patsy56

    patsy56 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2015
    840
    Fife Scotland
    Hubbs isn't that way yet , but it is my fault he has lost weight (I don't feed him enough), he tries to do crosswords and sudukos and I try to get him interested in stuff, my respite? grocery shopping, and personal shopping then I feel guilty about leaving him.
     

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