1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. R mill

    R mill New member

    Mar 2, 2019
    6
    Hi everyone
    My father has altzeimers and we have had to put him in care for his own safety but he has become aggressive there. I don’t think the nursing home can help any longer he also tries to escape.
    The doctors has prescribed lorazepam but only for a week after that if it doesn’t work I think they’ll ask him to leave. I’m looking for another care home that has a Demenia unit but some are unwilling to take him if hes Aggressive. At what point does anyone help us ? the mental health nurse is useless and social services don’t seem bothered, we are self funding even though I have asked mental health to apply for CHC any one got any suggestions myself and my brother are at our witts end !
     
  2. chickenlady

    chickenlady Registered User

    Feb 28, 2016
    94
    Make an appointment to speak to his GP and ask for him to be referred to a new mental health team, there is always choice so don't go back to the first team if you don't have confidence in them. Also look up specialist dementia nursing homes and drop in on spec talk to the matron or owner and ask to be shown round, ask when they'll have space and how they cope with aggression, a good well managed home will have strategies for dealing with aggression. He'll need nursing care not a residential home as he'll need a higher level of qualified staff.
     
  3. R mill

    R mill New member

    Mar 2, 2019
    6
     
  4. R mill

    R mill New member

    Mar 2, 2019
    6
    Hi thank you never thought to go back to his own gp lol
    A gp came to the home and was very nice prescribed him the lorazepam but the home didn’t get it for three days in this time he’s gone into another residents room and tried to shake him in the middle of the night. It so distressing my father would be mortified if he new the things he done in the last few months.
    he’s gone down hill so fast since last September. I really don’t know how much more stress we can cope with.
     
  5. chickenlady

    chickenlady Registered User

    Feb 28, 2016
    94
    Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed to make a fuss and tell them to get it right, you only get 1 chance to make his final days comfortable and calm. If need be find a new home or talk to his or your GP about getting support to have him home if that's what you want to do. What some people describe as aggression might just your Dad reacting to being told off, physically moved away from someone else or stemming from his confusion rather than staff with a calm caring approach.
     
  6. R mill

    R mill New member

    Mar 2, 2019
    6
     
  7. R mill

    R mill New member

    Mar 2, 2019
    6
    Trust me I’ve been giving them loads they’re care has been some what neglective and as for aggression I’ve seen it first hand. We tried him at home woth my son moving in but he went for him grabbing him by the throat and so we soon realised that he needs proper care he’s on a dols because of him trying to climb out of windows and over walls. It’s just hard to believe it’s the same person.
     
  8. chickenlady

    chickenlady Registered User

    Feb 28, 2016
    94
    That's the trouble, it's like a different person inhabiting a loved ones body. The person you knew is gone before they're actually gone. Good luck.
     
  9. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,227
    Essex
    Dear R Mill,

    I've just found your thread and I am going to be following it with great interest because dad has become aggressive as well. He has been in his care home since July and one and a half weeks ago they put him on half a tablet of memantine.

    Despit some aggression a few days ago he has been okay so he will see how he goes. It is a very sad situation as well as stressful dad was a gentleman. He was a telephone engineer and he is treating everyone in the home as if they were his staff!

    MaNaAk
     
  10. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,227
    Essex
    I forgot to suggest to you that maybe the doctor could think about memantine instead of the other medication.
     
  11. R mill

    R mill New member

    Mar 2, 2019
    6
    Hi my dads been in menentine since diagnosed and the maximum strength too 2016 and showed no signs of agression. But now he just tries to get out of the home and he’s started being inappropriate to some of the female staff. They prescribed .25mg Lorazopam just when needed for his agitation. But he really needs something that will make him sleep properly he sleeps Bly a few hours then up wandering all night.
     
  12. MTM

    MTM Registered User

    Jun 2, 2018
    22
    I just wanted to comment because my Dad is aggressive too. Things that helped us through.

    1. My parents’ local authority has a specialist dementia nurse. She totally rocks. She was brilliant and really helped us. It might be worth seeing if your local mental health team has a dedicated dementia nurse because they understand what you are going through.
    2. It might be worth calling social services and getting an emergency assessment. We had that for Dad, along with a visit from the emergency dementia team. Although Dad had just moved from being self-funded to fully-funded which may have facilitated this.
    3. Rest assured there are specialist nursing homes for Dementia. My Dad has just arrived in one. It is full of people who are also aggressive and sweary. The home is very relaxed and laid back. They keep a very firm eye on the residents and any argy-bargy is sorted at once, without fuss. It looks a bit run down but the atmosphere there is buzzing, like a happy school and the staff are incredibly patient and kind. Dad’s room is very small but it has a lovely view and all the residents are got up and brought downstairs to interact every day. They all are placed in a series of sunlounges and matched carefully so that any potential for trouble is minimised. They have activities and trips out. There is a large, enclosed garden for them to walk in in the summer. Their shoutiness is treated like a physical disability, something that has to be dealt with but, at the same time, as if it’s of no great account. I cannot tell you how wonderful this was for Mum, my brother and I. Also it was wonderful to hear other people telling the carer’s to eff off and to know it was not just Dad.

    The effect this has had on Dad is amazing. He is calm, he still gets shouty and sweary but for much shorter periods. At home he had spent whole days shouting and screaming and telling us to f**k off, not knowing who we were or where he was, thinking his home was a house he lived in aged 6 and 7. In his new nursing home, with others like him, it’s as if the pressure to conform is off. He is calm. He remembers who we are. He knows that the house where Mum still lives is his old home.

    There is a website for homes that’s a bit like Trip Advisor, where people can leave reviews and you can get a pretty good idea from what is said if it is a good fit. If you ring the social work duty desk they may be able to recommend some homes for you or point you to a list/website of local authority homes which will make a good place to start.

    When you visit, I’m sure you know this but when the residents say hello it’s a good sign. There will be explosions of shoutiness, that’s the nature of the disease but when they happen, are they over quickly and is everyone, generally, cheery? What are the staff like? Does it feel like an institution or someone’s house? Or maybe a happy school or nursery. Does it smell and if so, what of?

    I so feel for you but a) there is light at the end of the tunnel and b) a massive, massive majority of Alzheimer’s patients seem to get aggressive and shouty. For us, knowing Dad wasn’t the only one like this was such a weight lifted.

    Sorry, this is a bit waffly but I hope some of the things I’ve said help.

    Cheers

    MTM
     

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