My Family Member is having Advance Dementia

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by singh2017, Jul 12, 2019.

  1. singh2017

    singh2017 New member

    Jul 12, 2019
    5
    My father is suffering from Frontotemporal Dementia since almost 8 years. He is currently 70 years old. Most of the my mother used to be with him at my hometown. Every year for few months they both come to live with me at my place but they prefer to live at hometown because they had spent most of their life at that place.
    Currently my father is not able to recognise anyone including himself. He used to talk to mirror with himself because he thinks that there is some other person on other side of mirror. He is not able to perform most of his daily activities (toilet, bath, clothing, toothbrush etc).
    The major problem is the aggression. Since last 2-3 months, he is very aggressive and used to break furnitures, doors, windows etc. I had consulted with doctors and with the help of medicine now it’s under control but still few times in a week he do that.
    He is not able to speak properly also. It’s almost impossible to understand what is he saying?
    It’s very difficult for us for care. My mother is 74 years old. I had left my job for few months to take care of things but after that I started facing financial crunches. Now again I started working but it’s become difficult for us to manage everything.
    I thought of admit my father to dementia care homes but due to his aggression they refused to do so.
    I don’t know what to do? How can I proceed further? How long my father can survive based on his current condition?
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,327
    Kent
    Hello @singh2017. Welcome to the Dementia Talking Point Forum.

    If this care home refuses to admit your father could you ask them to advise you of a home which will. Other than that could you ask your doctor to refer your father to a mental health specialist?

    If your father is so aggressive he must be very unhappy, The only person who will be able to help him is a mental health specialist. Is he aggressive towards your mother? Is she at risk?

    Please try to get some medical help as soon as possible.

    Please keep posting on the forum. Others may offer better suggestions.
     
  3. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,453
    Female
    England
    Hello @singh2017 and welcome to the forum.

    From your user name and some words you have used I am assuming you are not in the Uk. Please forgive me if I have it wrong but if your homeland is India you might find ARDSI, Alzheimer’s and related disorders India a helpful website. There information and support would be more relevant to your needs. As Grannie G says your doctor should be able to help.

    But do please keep posting on this forum, no matter where you live in the world, the effects of Alzheimer’s/dementia will be the same. There will find lots of helpful tips and support here from people experiencing the same problems as yourself.
     
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,433
    Female
    Dundee
    Good morning @singh2017 and welcome from me too.

    I'm sorry to read if your situation but I'm glad you've found thus forum. I'm sure you'll find lots of support here.

    This is the link to the organisation @jaymor mentioned -

    http://ardsi.org/

    There's also this one -

    https://www.alz.org/in/dementia-alzheimers-en.asp

    It's hard to know how long your father can survive. Each person is different. I hope you are able to access some support locally.
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,214
    Female
    South coast
    Hello @singh2017
    Problems with language and aggression are typical of FTD and Im so sorry that this has happened to your father.
    Medication is going to be a big part of the picture, but it also sounds like he needs a secure facility of some sort.
    If you were in UK I would say that he needs sectioning, but I do not know what the equivalent would be where you are.
    People with FTD need quiet and a strict routine, which is difficult to achieve in a home setting.
     
  6. Philbo

    Philbo Registered User

    Feb 28, 2017
    662
    Male
    Kent
    #6 Philbo, Jul 12, 2019
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 12, 2019
    Hello @singh2017

    My wife was diagnosed with FTD just over 5 years ago. She has had similar decline in abilities to your father, apart from the aggression. In the early stages, she did get very anxious and suffered mood swings but I guess that was due to still having a level of awareness that something was wrong. After a relatively short period, she seemed to retreat into her own happy place, so hopefully, your situation may improve from that aspect, though of course no two people with dementia are the same?

    I agree with canary that trying to keep things calm and routine, does help.

    Best wishes
    Phil
     
  7. singh2017

    singh2017 New member

    Jul 12, 2019
    5
    Thank you so much everyone for your suggestions.
    My father is getting treated by mental health specialists since almost 5 years but somehow it’s not working now. May be his body is become habitual of those medicines. I am consulting with other doctors also and will see if some medicine can suit him.
    I will contact ADRSI and see what help they can provide to me.
    My father is physically very strong and he was aggressive in his earlier life also (before diagnosed with FTD). But now mental illness combined with his aggression causing us huge problem to tackle.
    We are doing whatever is possible to handle this situation but it’s very tough. I have seen few dementia patient earlier also but have not seen this much aggression and violence.
    I will do my best and hope my family will be happy one day soon.
    Is there any suggestion that will help for dementia patient for urine and toilet activity? My father can walk slowly without any support, but does urinate/toilet anywhere in home. Even if we take him through restroom he doesn’t understand where to do what.
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,327
    Kent
    It sounds as if you are doing everything possible to help your parents @singh2017. I hope the mental health doctors will try to adjust his medication so it will be more effective.

    My husband`s medication was continually monitored and adjusted. It did help but it never solved his problems.

    As for the toilet. I have heard some people with dementia no longer realise what the toilet is for. I have also heard a coloured toilet seat may help. I believe some care homes have red toilet seats.
     
  9. singh2017

    singh2017 New member

    Jul 12, 2019
    5
    Now a days my father is shouting on himself by looking into mirror. Because of this we have removed all mirrors from house. Sometimes he slept on floor after midnight when everyone slept. He doesn’t sleep in night and shout since almost 1 month and because of this nobody is able to sleep since last 1 month.
    Sleeping pills, anxiety pills doesn’t not work now. I am in touch with doctor constantly. I knew one day this situation will come but don’t know how much patient and family will suffer ?
     
  10. singh2017

    singh2017 New member

    Jul 12, 2019
    5
    Recently condition of my father is worst. He breaks everything he find (Furniture, Doors, Windows, Wires, Mirrors etc). Due to this we have moved everything from our house to another location. Now we have only 4 beds in our 4 BHK house. There is no curtains, no glasses in windows because he tried to break them all earlier. Now he trying to break walls, pillars. If he does not find anything to break he used to cry a lot. His diet becomes very low and because of that his physical health deteriorate quickly. But still he is able to break strong doors and windows. Now he is refusing to take medication, so we are trying to give medicine by mixing them in food. Except from 9 PM to 9 AM, he never sits and wander continuously.
    It's very difficult situation for us. He has been diagnosed with FTD in 2010 and since then we are taking care of him at home. My mother is primary caregiver. She is 75 years old and my father is 71 years old.
    People around him can't even sit for 5 minutes. Someone has to follow him each minute.
    I never thought that I will say this , but I don't know when "these things will end".
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,327
    Kent
    Hello @singh2017

    There must be some medication which will help your father.

    Your father is very disturbed and it sounds as if he is tormented.

    Has the doctor considered antipsychotic medication? It is only prescribed when nothing else works and I was told it can be detrimental to mobility. It may be worth sacrificing mobility to enable your father to get some peace of mind.
     
  12. singh2017

    singh2017 New member

    Jul 12, 2019
    5
    Yes. Doctors have prescribed antipsychotic medications ( Escitalopram, Quetiapine, Lorazepam, Melatonin and l-theanine ) but still no improvement. Now it's very difficult for us to take him to hospital with this kind of aggression. Also since also since last one month we are giving him medicine by mixing in food because he was refusing to take medicines.

    Is this the last stage?

    In INDIA it's almost impossible to find right help for these kind of patients. This is really sad.
     
  13. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,327
    Kent
    I`m so sorry. It must be really hard for all of you.
     
  14. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,214
    Female
    South coast
    Im so sorry @singh2017
    It sounds like you are doing all that you can.

    Eventually he will stop destroying things because his mobility will decline and he wont be able to reach things and wont have the strength. This will be both good (he will be easier to care for) and bad (his FTD will have advanced). A bittersweet moment.
     

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