Hi everyone
How I have missed TP and am so glad it is there now that I need it more than ever before. When I posted last, I had a wonderful caretaker who left on November 25th after her contract expired as she wished to go back to her young children in a far off town. I had originally planned to have a couple of caretakers to take care of mum in India while I shunted between Germany and India. I am glad I got a timely warning when one of them I had just locked my mum and went shopping while I was in another town looking for assisted living facilities. That and my being down with Sciatica made me realise I can't manage it all alone and that it was now getting to be a question of my retaining my own sanity after "being there" physically and emotionally for my mum for 27 years although the dementia 'developed' only recently.
Well, homes for Dementia patients is still a distant dream here but I managed to find a suitable home (basically a home for seniors) in my mum's own seaside hometown of Mangalore where the food, the language and the weather would all be to her advantage. I have been offered a trial run of 1 month to see how it goes . Finally, I admitted mum yesterday but even long before that and ever since leaving Stuttgart, I have been an emotional wreck - I break down while making a conversation, cannot stop crying, cannot look at the situation objectively or logically. I guess it is not so much about admitting mum in a home which I never wanted to do until safety became a prime issue but the plethora of emotions that are squeezing the muscles of my heart . This disease does not give the kind of closure to a relationship the way death might give - it is a prolonged losing of a person, a relationship, the memory of being. I seem to feel for her exactly in the same way that a mother feels for a child and I do not know how to extricate myself from this reversal of roles. I know and I have read other people's postings in the past about having to admit a loved one to a home but being prepared for all the associated feelings is quite another thing.
My problem is coming to terms with it all, being torn between two locations and two people and trying to do the juggling and balancing act. Just hoping TP will help me balance it all out and keep me from falling into this deep abyss.
Thank you all for listening - am in tears again ... can't type anymore...
Love to all
How I have missed TP and am so glad it is there now that I need it more than ever before. When I posted last, I had a wonderful caretaker who left on November 25th after her contract expired as she wished to go back to her young children in a far off town. I had originally planned to have a couple of caretakers to take care of mum in India while I shunted between Germany and India. I am glad I got a timely warning when one of them I had just locked my mum and went shopping while I was in another town looking for assisted living facilities. That and my being down with Sciatica made me realise I can't manage it all alone and that it was now getting to be a question of my retaining my own sanity after "being there" physically and emotionally for my mum for 27 years although the dementia 'developed' only recently.
Well, homes for Dementia patients is still a distant dream here but I managed to find a suitable home (basically a home for seniors) in my mum's own seaside hometown of Mangalore where the food, the language and the weather would all be to her advantage. I have been offered a trial run of 1 month to see how it goes . Finally, I admitted mum yesterday but even long before that and ever since leaving Stuttgart, I have been an emotional wreck - I break down while making a conversation, cannot stop crying, cannot look at the situation objectively or logically. I guess it is not so much about admitting mum in a home which I never wanted to do until safety became a prime issue but the plethora of emotions that are squeezing the muscles of my heart . This disease does not give the kind of closure to a relationship the way death might give - it is a prolonged losing of a person, a relationship, the memory of being. I seem to feel for her exactly in the same way that a mother feels for a child and I do not know how to extricate myself from this reversal of roles. I know and I have read other people's postings in the past about having to admit a loved one to a home but being prepared for all the associated feelings is quite another thing.
My problem is coming to terms with it all, being torn between two locations and two people and trying to do the juggling and balancing act. Just hoping TP will help me balance it all out and keep me from falling into this deep abyss.
Thank you all for listening - am in tears again ... can't type anymore...
Love to all
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