my dear mum

flossie

Registered User
Apr 4, 2006
5
My dear mum was diagnosed with AD 10 years ago (age 63), you would think after all this time I 'd have come to terms with the illness. She lost her communication very early into the disease and this is the one thing that haunts me the most, not knowing what she knows, feels or understands, whether she is in pain or not. She is in what I assume are the final stages - whatever that is. Every time she makes a marked deterioration we always believe we are near the end but for someone so frail, manages to keep going. She has been in a nursing home for 6 years, firstly an EMI home, then she was re-classified as needing nursing care after two falls which resulted in two hip operations. The home is what would be called a 'good' home, but at times is sadly lacking in basic care. We would have moved her, but fear another move would precipitate the end. I am lucky that I live close by and visit regularly. I find it difficult to know what to say, I talk about what her grandchildren are doing, but there is very little eye contact and only an occasionaly smile of recognition - which bring great happiness and sadness at the same time. I hold her hand. wash her face with a warm flannel - which always brings a smile, give her drinks and mashed up fresh fruit and a little what I call pampering (the things that nursing homes can't or don't do). When I walk away from the home, I wonder "is this the last time", very destructive, I know. Does this sound like anyone elses life? I would be glad to hear from you. Flossie
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Flossie,
Yup, sounds like mine! I'm at work now but will have more to say later. Just wanted to say Hiya!
Amy
 

jakky

Registered User
Jan 30, 2006
147
Staffs
hiya flossie

Sure sounds like my mum.....although mums been in EMI for 7 weeks.
Everything else is pretty much familiar.

I know and understand what ya mean.

Keep ya chin up, stay strong and take care......

best wishes....

jakky
 

flossie

Registered User
Apr 4, 2006
5
Amy said:
Hiya Flossie,
Yup, sounds like mine! I'm at work now but will have more to say later. Just wanted to say Hiya!
Amy
thanks Amy, new to this so I hope I'm doing it right.
 

flossie

Registered User
Apr 4, 2006
5
jakky said:
hiya flossie

Sure sounds like my mum.....although mums been in EMI for 7 weeks.
Everything else is pretty much familiar.

I know and understand what ya mean.

Keep ya chin up, stay strong and take care......

best wishes....

jakky
thanks Jakky, common sense tells you that you are not alone, but it does feel like that at times, thanks for the support.
xxxflossie
 

daisymaid

Registered User
Mar 7, 2006
15
lincoln uk
heartache to anyone out there

Sounds so much like my mum,she has been in a nursing home 6yrs seams like a lifetime away.Mum fell out of bed and fractured her had an operation hasnt walked since in the fetal position most of the time.Had a very bad year last year one of the carers had a bad day and took it out on my mum and another lady.The carer has just been to court and fined £50 and 60hrs community service what justice i have evil thoughts about this lady how can anyone slap and kick someone who just lays there cant do anything.

Sorry but had to get off my chest cos its hurting.

Thanx

Daisymaid
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Oh Daisymaid,
That is so awful - I think I would be looking for corporal punishment, inflict pain on the perpetrator! No wonder that you are hurting.
With love
Amy
 

Lynne

Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
3,433
Suffolk,England
Amy/Daisymaid

I saw this a couple of hours ago, and had to resist commenting as it made me so :mad: .

I shall still moderate (considerably) what I thought, but black eyes and tar & feathers came into it!
 

jarnee

Registered User
Mar 18, 2006
181
leicestershire
I agree, Norman. I don't think I'd be responsible for my actions either :mad:

I feel very protective of my dad. Strangely like a parent whose child has just started school and I want him to be happy, looked after etc etc. I now understand why parents come into school and say "Ah well, as long as he's happy" and pounce on us if they think we've so much as told their child off unneccesarily :eek:

Jarnee

PS...I hope the "carer " was sacked :p
 

daisymaid

Registered User
Mar 7, 2006
15
lincoln uk
mummy dearest

Just like to say thankyou for your responses ,i actually thought hang drawn and quartered was to good for her.The nursing home mum is in has been taken over by another company and things are a lot nicer there plus staff that where very good that left when all the trouble was on have now come back especially one carer who i no mum liked .

So feel alot calmer about things

Hugs all round

Daisymaid
 

daisymaid

Registered User
Mar 7, 2006
15
lincoln uk
jarnee

Yes she was sacked and will never hopefully work ever again to harsh,then she will no whats its like to have a bad day.

Thats nasty to say about someone but you put your trust in them and they let you down.

Daisymaid xx
 

dmc

Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
1,157
hi daisymaid

i just wanted to say how appalled i am with your story, i cannot believe a human being could inflict harm on somebody in your mums condition, but then again theres no way that person is human!:mad:
Im not sure i could be held responsible for my actions either if that had been my mum, and i certainly hope nobody will ever put me to the test.

ive been moved to tears by many story's on TP but i think yours has upset me the most
please give your mum a big hug from me,

best wishes x
 

flossie

Registered User
Apr 4, 2006
5
Hi Daisymaid

Only just logged back on, this is just your worst nightmare. We place our loved ones (reluctantly) in the hands of others - how can anyone be so cruel and despicable. There are some lovely carers who enjoy their job and have a true caring nature, unfortunately there are also those who have no interest in the residents and are working in nursing homes, because that is all they can get.

Even though mum was diagnosed 10 years ago, the nursing home have always got her up and dressed and put in the day room. However she is now only got out of bed late morning and put back to bed at around 2pm. Like you Daisymaid, I feel like the last time I heard my mum speak was a life time ago, we can only wonder what goes through their minds (and I do believe that something does).

flossie