My day has been like a box of chocolates

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by helen.tomlinson, Apr 1, 2008.

  1. helen.tomlinson

    helen.tomlinson Registered User

    Mar 27, 2008
    What does that mean? A right assortment. First thing I get a call from the lady from the Alzheimers Soc. asking if she can use a quote from something I wrote her. I said yes and we had a laugh about it wasn't going to cause Paparazzi on the front step!!!! I then got anxious because the roofer who was to come to re-seal the capping on my chimney didn't turn up. Eventually he rang to say he wasn't coming but until that phone call I felt like everything was going to crumble around me because I couldn't get on and do what needed to be done. I have a huge sense of things getting out of control. Anyway after that call, I could pick up and carry on and everything then felt fine. On the way to the farm shop Alan was able to say that "if it wasn't for what's going on here (pointing to the base of his head) I'd be fine. I thought everything had gone but one day you went out and I found it hadn't all gone because I started singing and it was there". I couldn't believe he'd managed to tell me that in his own way and it felt wonderful. He seems to be telling me more or is it that he's been saying these things anyway but I haven't heard him? Don't know.

    Come home, do lunch and Alan becomes very busy in helping me which seemed different somehow. Something has definitely changed. I wonder whether it's because I feel more supported and challenged by you all, that I am changing things. I know that Alan said "I'll do the potatoes" and I immediately said "no it's o.k." because I was running late and had clients coming soon. Then I heard myself and said "actually that would be good" and he scraped the spuds and was whistling away.

    Whilst I was working he went to sleep and I am sure he was very disorientated afterwards because he didn't seem to have a grip on himself and things like he had that morning. I've just had a thought as I'm typing this, I wonder whether it's because I was not with him? Don't know.

    Anyway now he's gone out with his son and I have the evening to myself. Oh, by the way, sometime early this morning, Alan said "I only have you". He looked like he needed more - he certainly does need more. I told him that his son would be picking him up as he usually does on a Tuesday night. That settled him but no one comes for him any other time. Then we should be grateful that his son comes for him at all.

    The phone keeps ringing because people need a counsellor and I keep thinking I daren't take on any more because I won't be able to manage.

    I have a two week holiday in Greece at the end of May. Alan doesn't do holidays - he never has - but I have booked it. I am in the process of organising a care package for him whilst I'm away but I know he is very anxious about this. He's never had any outside help and it will be a big change. At first he said he didn't need anything but over the weeks he realises more and more that he does. I am not at all sure whether it's a good thing that he does realise - if I wasn't going away, he wouldn't have to realise. BUT I need a holiday. I very rarely get one and I only hope I will be able to relax into it and leave everything here in the capable hands of others. I bet this is very idealistic.

    Love to you all

  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Believe me Helen, it`s a wonderful thing that he realizes. :)
  3. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006

    I had that feeling
    this morning that everything so just out of my control but then every thing just fall into place. please to read that it did with you also. I am sure it will do also when you go on holiday.
  4. germain

    germain Registered User

    Jul 7, 2007
    Hi Helen

    This may sound totally "off the wall" but try singing to each other - make up a tune - try an opera style recitative =- something along the lines of "its very cold today - do you want a cup of tea?"

    My MIL many years ago couldn't say anything at all - total jumble and muddle but could still sing !!

    If nothing else it'll give you a huge laugh as you try !

  5. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    Hello Helen,

    Going back to the is good that your husband realises that he needs help..and is willing to accept it..

    You sound very well organised..having everything in place before you go away will enable you to relax and enjoy yourself..and recharge your batteries..

    I'd say it's normal for you both to be anxious about it ,too. no-one likes to think they need help to cope.

    Love gigi xx

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