My darling Ken
- Thread starter TinaT
- Start date
Dear Tina,
Sending love and prayers for Ken and all your family.
Make you be granted the strength to get you through the coming days.
Love from
Christine xx
Sending love and prayers for Ken and all your family.
Make you be granted the strength to get you through the coming days.
Love from
Christine xx
Tina, I can't find the words to say what I feel about this awful news. I am so very sorry that you have this other dreadful illness to deal with.
Your love for Ken, and the support of your family will help you through, and the kindness at the care home. You will be in my prayers and thoughts.
sleepless
Your love for Ken, and the support of your family will help you through, and the kindness at the care home. You will be in my prayers and thoughts.
sleepless
I sat in the care home garden with Ken this afternoon. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon. I'd brought a book with me because I was going on to the hospital for an orthapaedic appointment after leaving Ken. I decided to try reading aloud to him. He sat quietly for a good ten minutes whilst I read some of the first chapter. It was very peaceful with just the two of us together. A good relaxed afternoon which helped me to catch my breath.
He is looking poorly now. He hasn't pain from the cancer thank goodness but his face has such an unhappy, anxious look all the time because of his constant confusion and he is so terribly thin. He doesn't know where he is, what day it is or what time it is. He cannot hold a cup or fork most of the time and his walking is extremely poor, although today he was much better at walking.
His poorly looking face might be exacerbated by his lack of upper dentures. After his last fall I had to take him for new dentures as he broke them in the fall. He has two more appointments and then he will have his new teeth in. I'm sure he will look better then. I've also got to take his new glasses to be adjusted as he twisted them in the fall. At the moment they are less than useless as they are permanently perched on the end of his nose and he peers out over the top without using them at all.
In the midst of worring about how seriously ill he is and what is awaiting us around the corner, we carry on with the mundane and trivial things. One day at a time.
xxTinaT
He is looking poorly now. He hasn't pain from the cancer thank goodness but his face has such an unhappy, anxious look all the time because of his constant confusion and he is so terribly thin. He doesn't know where he is, what day it is or what time it is. He cannot hold a cup or fork most of the time and his walking is extremely poor, although today he was much better at walking.
His poorly looking face might be exacerbated by his lack of upper dentures. After his last fall I had to take him for new dentures as he broke them in the fall. He has two more appointments and then he will have his new teeth in. I'm sure he will look better then. I've also got to take his new glasses to be adjusted as he twisted them in the fall. At the moment they are less than useless as they are permanently perched on the end of his nose and he peers out over the top without using them at all.
In the midst of worring about how seriously ill he is and what is awaiting us around the corner, we carry on with the mundane and trivial things. One day at a time.
xxTinaT
I'm sure the sound of your voice must have been a comfort to him Tina, and the sunshine is always welcome. You are right to keep attending to the 'mundane' things. They are always so strangely important in their own way and will improve Ken's quality of life, Bless him. Thinking of you both. xx.
Listening to you must have been so reassuring to Ken. I can picture you in my mind's eye.
As for the dentures and glasses, yes, we must go on with the mundane things of the world. Dealing with the ordinary things of life can give our days shape and balance.
As for the dentures and glasses, yes, we must go on with the mundane things of the world. Dealing with the ordinary things of life can give our days shape and balance.
Dear Tina,
It was nice to hear that you and Ken had that special time together today as you read to him
I know what you mean though about being thin and looking ill. My poor Alan became skeletal and I remember when I couldn't get his denture in because he seemed to have referred pain around his other teeth, jaw and mouth in general
Love
It was nice to hear that you and Ken had that special time together today as you read to him
I know what you mean though about being thin and looking ill. My poor Alan became skeletal and I remember when I couldn't get his denture in because he seemed to have referred pain around his other teeth, jaw and mouth in general
Love
Dear Tina,
I know my dad really enjoyed the peaceful times, me reading to him, the simplicity of a sunny day, and he told me so. I'm confident that Ken is benefiting so much from these precious moments together, and I'm am so happy that you are able to share them. May there be many more.
You are doing so well in such difficult times. My heart goes out to you.
Sending much love and support,
I know my dad really enjoyed the peaceful times, me reading to him, the simplicity of a sunny day, and he told me so. I'm confident that Ken is benefiting so much from these precious moments together, and I'm am so happy that you are able to share them. May there be many more.
You are doing so well in such difficult times. My heart goes out to you.
Sending much love and support,
I feel guilty today that I haven't seen Ken. I took his glasses to get them re-adjusted (hope they don't now rub his ears). Then I've had to chair a meeting of our local LINKs organisation on our rapidly approaching first enter and view of a local care home. We have reports of it failing to care properly for residents.
On the one hand I know Ken needs me and on the other hand, I'm the one holding this LINK committee together. It is a lot of work for me and I'm anxious to make it a good, working body which produces reports which make things better for people who need this voice to speak on their behalf. With the power given to LINKs comes responsibility and a lot of behind the scenes work.
My visits to Ken are wonderful but his distress when I leave him is enormous, so I usually spend many hours there before I bite the bullet and leave him. I've now got a headache and feel a bit sick and am wondering if I have the strength to visit him tonight after the rush hour has died away? I'll see how I feel in an hour or two. He needs me and I want to be there.
This constant feeling of guilt whatever I'm doing is driving me crazy. It isn't because of his new illness that I feel this way. I've been feeling like this a long time.
I know people will say give up the LINKs work but I do feel a responsibility to get something off the ground that I personally started. It also gives me a feeling of being more fullfilled as an individual.
Ken will always come first in my life and I suppose I'm rushing now to get this aspect of LINKs work self supporting because I know soon, I will not be able to give time to any of the the LINKs work.
xxTinaT
On the one hand I know Ken needs me and on the other hand, I'm the one holding this LINK committee together. It is a lot of work for me and I'm anxious to make it a good, working body which produces reports which make things better for people who need this voice to speak on their behalf. With the power given to LINKs comes responsibility and a lot of behind the scenes work.
My visits to Ken are wonderful but his distress when I leave him is enormous, so I usually spend many hours there before I bite the bullet and leave him. I've now got a headache and feel a bit sick and am wondering if I have the strength to visit him tonight after the rush hour has died away? I'll see how I feel in an hour or two. He needs me and I want to be there.
This constant feeling of guilt whatever I'm doing is driving me crazy. It isn't because of his new illness that I feel this way. I've been feeling like this a long time.
I know people will say give up the LINKs work but I do feel a responsibility to get something off the ground that I personally started. It also gives me a feeling of being more fullfilled as an individual.
Ken will always come first in my life and I suppose I'm rushing now to get this aspect of LINKs work self supporting because I know soon, I will not be able to give time to any of the the LINKs work.
xxTinaT
Tina, the work you do is tremendously important. And I know what you mean about feeling fulfilled. I feel exactly the same. I think it's vital that carers' voices are heard, because the professionals only see things from their side of the fence.
But you mustn't wear yourself out. Ken needs you, and his need will increase, and it's going to be difficult for you to keep a balance.
I'm not going to say give up your LINK work, it's vital that you keep your own identity and know you're achieving something. It's not a question of priorities, you are BOTH priorities!
But don't feel guilty either. You have done enough for today, and you have always given yourself unstintingly to Ken. I'd say, have a rest tonight, then tomorrow try to work out how you are going to balance two of the major factors in your life, so that you don't feel you are neglecting either. (Not that you are, but I know all about that guilt monster!)
Love,
But you mustn't wear yourself out. Ken needs you, and his need will increase, and it's going to be difficult for you to keep a balance.
I'm not going to say give up your LINK work, it's vital that you keep your own identity and know you're achieving something. It's not a question of priorities, you are BOTH priorities!
But don't feel guilty either. You have done enough for today, and you have always given yourself unstintingly to Ken. I'd say, have a rest tonight, then tomorrow try to work out how you are going to balance two of the major factors in your life, so that you don't feel you are neglecting either.
(Not that you are, but I know all about that guilt monster!)Love,
Not easy is it Hazel? Then there is my mum. Can't neglect her either. As you say, there is only so long I can square the circle and I know this will have to be resolved very soon.
xxTinaT
xxTinaT
I hadn't forgotten your mum Tina. How you do it all, I'll never know. But don't forget to factor yourself into the equation!
(Incidentally, my position is now somewhat anomalous. I want to continue on the panels, they want me to continue, but as I'm no longer a 'carer', I don't tick the right boxes!)
(Incidentally, my position is now somewhat anomalous. I want to continue on the panels, they want me to continue, but as I'm no longer a 'carer', I don't tick the right boxes!)
Hiya
Hiya Tina, thank you for the return PM, i know its not easy to give something up which has so clearly made a difference to so many people near where you live, but i think to gradually hand over the reigns would be a good idea and then you know that in time the Link group will be in good hands so you can spend more time with loved ones, hope this helps, best wishes, Norrms and family
Hiya Tina, thank you for the return PM, i know its not easy to give something up which has so clearly made a difference to so many people near where you live, but i think to gradually hand over the reigns would be a good idea and then you know that in time the Link group will be in good hands so you can spend more time with loved ones, hope this helps, best wishes, Norrms and family
Spinning plates
Dear Tina,
You sound like super-woman! I admire everything you're doing and it clearly makes you the woman, the wife and the daughter you are. It's never easy spinning plates, but often the chaos just keeps us going. Being devoted to so many people (including LINKS) is part of who you are and I think you'll know when to step back.
Often people tell me to step back from worrying about my mum, but these are always the people who (thankfully) have never experienced a parent with dementia. They may well do it differently if and when their time comes, but I trust myself to know if I'm doing it "right". I suspect you know too, and you are just as entitled to be tired and moan about it as ANYONE who's had a hectic day...probably more so.
Trust your instincts, don't feel guilty (easy to say), and just do your best for all the people you care about, as long as that includes you too...
Take a little break and know that re-charging your batteries will benefit Ken as much as you. Quality time...
Sending more love,
Dear Tina,
You sound like super-woman! I admire everything you're doing and it clearly makes you the woman, the wife and the daughter you are. It's never easy spinning plates, but often the chaos just keeps us going. Being devoted to so many people (including LINKS) is part of who you are and I think you'll know when to step back.
Often people tell me to step back from worrying about my mum, but these are always the people who (thankfully) have never experienced a parent with dementia. They may well do it differently if and when their time comes, but I trust myself to know if I'm doing it "right". I suspect you know too, and you are just as entitled to be tired and moan about it as ANYONE who's had a hectic day...probably more so.
Trust your instincts, don't feel guilty (easy to say), and just do your best for all the people you care about, as long as that includes you too...
Take a little break and know that re-charging your batteries will benefit Ken as much as you. Quality time...
Sending more love,
