My Dads dementia

Danny50

New member
Aug 11, 2021
4
0
Hi
My dad is 88 and suffering with dementia, my mum who is 83 is his carer and fair play to her she is doing ok other than being tired
I don’t want to sound selfish but watching my dad deteriorate from what he was 9 years ago is depressing me and I do feel his suffering is at a point I wish he would pass
I’m not sure if this is the right way to feel or not, so I’m asking for help and advise on how to deal with this
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
670
0
I care for my Mum and feel exactly the same way. As someone else said here, dementia is death by a thousand cuts.
 

Danny50

New member
Aug 11, 2021
4
0
How do you deal with your depression then, it must be difficult for you as your actually caring for your mum, I’m more there for support
 

lollyc

Registered User
Sep 9, 2020
670
0
With difficulty! I try not to think beyond the here and now. Thinking of what might have been and what's to come is so unbearable. I am lucky that I have a sibling , small family and a couple of friends, who listen to my tales of woe. And having, fairly recently, found TP, it helps to know that others are going through the same thing.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,279
0
N Ireland
Hello and welcome @Danny50

I don't think there is any 'right' way to feel when it comes to dementia. I care for my wife and, whilst I don't wish her to pass, I know that it will be a relief for her when she does.

Dementia is an emotional rollercoaster so don't beat yourself up. Keep posting as you will get support here
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,994
0
@Danny50 It is perfectly normal to feel this way, it does not make you a bad person. I think there are many of us on here that felt like that at some time or other, I certainly did. Dementia is very wearing on carers and family and wishing that it was over is quite understandable. I didn't want dad to die but I wanted the dementia to end and sad truth is you can't have one without the other.
 

Danny50

New member
Aug 11, 2021
4
0
Hello and welcome @Danny50

I don't think there is any 'right' way to feel when it comes to dementia. I care for my wife and, whilst I don't wish her to pass, I know that it will be a relief for her when she does.

Dementia is an emotional rollercoaster so don't beat yourself up. Keep posting as you will get support here
I will thank you
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,441
0
It is very common to regard death as a welcome relief from suffering. In some cases the patient wants to die. My mother has said this several times and she isn't being irrational because her quality of life is awful and there isn't anything to be done about that. Whilst obviously you will want loved ones to be comfortable in their old age you should not beat yourself up for thinking that when the end comes it will be a relief.
 

Danny50

New member
Aug 11, 2021
4
0
I can’t thank everyone enough for there advise and feelings, this has been a big help in how I feel.
It’s going to be hard over the next coming months or even years. It gives me a relief that I can express my views and not be judged
 

Norahs.number1

New member
Aug 13, 2021
6
0
I can’t thank everyone enough for there advise and feelings, this has been a big help in how I feel.
It’s going to be hard over the next coming months or even years. It gives me a relief that I can express my views and not be judged
I am new to this group, from today. Reading what people have put on here I doubt anyone would judge you. We are all involved with the same problems one way or another. It’s sad to hear what everyone is going through but in a strange way it gives comfort. One thing I’ve felt recently is lonely. I’m sure my friends have had enough of my constant downbeat talk about Dad. It is a worry because I too find myself repeating myself. Dementia is very hard for everyone. Stay strong and try to keep a smile on your face.