My Dad

[london72]

Hi Everyone,

My mum has dementia. Its the type that comes from first having had Parkinson's. The doctors are having a very difficult time getting her medication balanced at all. She shakes constantly in her hands and very violently at night.

Her memory is very poor and short now, she struggles to get sentences out. Recognition of my father is probably only about 20% at best. Mum often thinks there are 3 versions of him coming into the house. 1 being my dad and the other 2 are helpful men who come round but she feels an embarrassment factor as the evening draws on and will ask him to leave the house. She has called the police on a couple of occasions. She has also had bad hallucinations during one period.

I'm very concerned for my Dad and his welfare as well as my Mums. I can see the stress etched on his face when I see him and I know this is breaking him up inside. I've asked him if he would like me to investigate the possibility of someone coming to the house for a few hours a week to give him a break but he is quite resistant to any outside people at this stage.

I'm also wondering if my dad might be entitled to any sort of benefits. They are both retired and have a pension. He is her main and only carer living in the same house. Anyone have any experience in this area?

 

[stanleypj]

This must be very hard for all three of you london72.

The answer to the question as to whether your dad is entitled to any benefi will probably be found in the rather complicated document here:

https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance/eligibility

Have a look at it, but I hope that someone who is familiar with the topic will come along and explain it.

You do need to try to persuade your dad that he and your mum need help. YOu could use the argument that if he falls ill as a result of the stress, your mum will be far worse off. She needs him to be healthy, even though she may not realise this, and to stay healthy he needs support himself.

Welcome to TP. I can assure you it will help you all over time.

 

[Bod]

Could someone from the Dr's or hospital, explain to your father that skilled help for your mother would help him care for her better.
As for benefits, I can only think of Attendance allowance.

Bod

 

[london72]

Hi Stanley,

Thanks for the reply. I'll read that link and see if I can make head or tail of it all!

 

[Beate]

Definitely go for Attendance Allowance! It's not means-tested, only needs-based. Get Age UK to help you fill in the forms. They can also help with other potential benefits.
https://www.gov.uk/attendance-allowance/overview

Also get Power Of attorney organised and tell your Dad he's not going to be much help if he buckles under the stress! What about Day Care? That's not strangers in the house and would give him some time to himself.