1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. toby12

    toby12 Registered User

    Jan 26, 2007
    9
    Surrey
    Hello

    I have posted a message a couple of times before, just to say that my Dad died last week. It was quiet, and I know (or pray) that he didn't know what was going on. He died with my Mum, me and sister holding his hands. (Two of us were sharing obviously) The nurses were fantastic, I could never do their job.

    So I have lost a Dad, a grandad to the boys, and yet I feel releif not grief. He was far from perfect, and we we really didn't get on from when I was about 10 onwards, but I really miss him. I think I should feel more - but I don't. I feel more for my Mum who has been fantastic throoughout all this nightmare. The funeral is on Monday.

    When I posted last year I got several comments and emails and they really helped.
    I won't repeat all the stuff I posted before, its still there, but anyone who has been abused in the past will find several of those comments hugely comforting.

    Thank you.
     
  2. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    My thoughts are with you at this sad time. Grief is a hard experience and pushes us into such mixed emotions. How good that you are there for your mother when she needs you. xx TinaT
     
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,419
    Dear Toby

    I'm sorry to hear about your father. When death follows a slow decline that is typical of AD, it is quite natural to feel that the death is a release. There is no one way to grieve, and no one can say what it is appropriate to feel.

    Love

    Jennifer
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    I am also sorry to read about your father xxx
     
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,718
    Kent
    Dear Toby,

    I`m very sorry to hear of the death of your dad and send my deepest sympathy and sincere condolences.

    I understand the mixed feelings of grief and relief and hope you, your mother and sister find some consolation in the knowledge he is at peace now.

    Take care
     
  6. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    3,453
    Hiya Toby,

    Sounds to me as though you are feeling plenty. I think we all have expectations of what we think we should feel like, but until we are in the situation we dont know. When my FIL died I was surprised that a lot of the time I was happy - felt quite calm -and then felt guilty cos thought "does it mean I dont care?". We all cope differently.

    Thinking of you and your family.
    Love Helen
     
  7. DeborahBlythe

    DeborahBlythe Registered User

    Dec 1, 2006
    9,222
    Dear Toby, I'm sorry to hear about your sad loss. Thinking of you and your family and sending sympathy.
    Deborah
     
  8. candi

    candi Registered User

    May 6, 2007
    32
    norwich norfolk
    so sorry to hear about your loss thinking of you and your family candi x
     
  9. biker girl

    biker girl Registered User

    May 22, 2007
    4
    rugby, warwickshire
    Don't be hard on yourself, no matter how much you think you are prepared for the passing of someone close, you still have had a shock. It is still early days yet and many other feelings will follow in the days, weeks and months to come.
    Each one of these feelings are normal and there is no particular order that they happen. Keep talking to your remaining family about your feelings and about theirs and try to remember any happy occassions no matter how fleeting they were.

    all the best

    biker girl
     
  10. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Sorry to hear about your loss Toby.

    Like Helen says, there are no "shoulds" when it comes to feelings. You feel what you feel. It's hard when you've had an up and down relationship with someone - there can be a lot of mixed feelings and hard to work out just what it is you do feel, particularly so soon after losing someone. It's good that you were able to be there for him at the end, despite him not always being able to be there for you.

    Take your time, take care of yourself and the rest of your family.

    You're always welcome here when you feel like posting.

    Áine
     
  11. MillyP

    MillyP Registered User

    Jan 5, 2007
    108
    London
    My thoughts are with you and your family at this sad time....Milly xxx
     
  12. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear Toby,
    My deepest sympathy on your father's death. Don't be surprised about feeling "numb" for awhile - I think it is nature's way to protect us in times of great emotional upheaval. There are many emotions at such a time, and as others have said, there are no "right" or "wrong" feelings - just what each person experiences.

    I'm thinking of you and sending you strength.
     
  13. jeanierec

    jeanierec Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    121
    north yorkshire
    Hello Toby

    I totally agree with Nell I really feel that nature takes over to give us some breathing space . You`ll work through what you need to work through when the time is right for you but in the meantime my thoughts are with you .

    Love Jeanie x
     
  14. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    Deepest sympathy Toby, take your time, there's no 'should' in the way we think we ought to feel. Go with what's right for you and the family. Take care of yourselves
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.