My Dad


Registered User
Jan 26, 2007

I have posted a message a couple of times before, just to say that my Dad died last week. It was quiet, and I know (or pray) that he didn't know what was going on. He died with my Mum, me and sister holding his hands. (Two of us were sharing obviously) The nurses were fantastic, I could never do their job.

So I have lost a Dad, a grandad to the boys, and yet I feel releif not grief. He was far from perfect, and we we really didn't get on from when I was about 10 onwards, but I really miss him. I think I should feel more - but I don't. I feel more for my Mum who has been fantastic throoughout all this nightmare. The funeral is on Monday.

When I posted last year I got several comments and emails and they really helped.
I won't repeat all the stuff I posted before, its still there, but anyone who has been abused in the past will find several of those comments hugely comforting.

Thank you.


Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
My thoughts are with you at this sad time. Grief is a hard experience and pushes us into such mixed emotions. How good that you are there for your mother when she needs you. xx TinaT


Registered User
Jun 27, 2006
Dear Toby

I'm sorry to hear about your father. When death follows a slow decline that is typical of AD, it is quite natural to feel that the death is a release. There is no one way to grieve, and no one can say what it is appropriate to feel.



Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear Toby,

I`m very sorry to hear of the death of your dad and send my deepest sympathy and sincere condolences.

I understand the mixed feelings of grief and relief and hope you, your mother and sister find some consolation in the knowledge he is at peace now.

Take care


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya Toby,

but I really miss him. I think I should feel more - but I don't
Sounds to me as though you are feeling plenty. I think we all have expectations of what we think we should feel like, but until we are in the situation we dont know. When my FIL died I was surprised that a lot of the time I was happy - felt quite calm -and then felt guilty cos thought "does it mean I dont care?". We all cope differently.

Thinking of you and your family.
Love Helen


Registered User
Dec 1, 2006
Dear Toby, I'm sorry to hear about your sad loss. Thinking of you and your family and sending sympathy.

biker girl

Registered User
May 22, 2007
rugby, warwickshire
Don't be hard on yourself, no matter how much you think you are prepared for the passing of someone close, you still have had a shock. It is still early days yet and many other feelings will follow in the days, weeks and months to come.
Each one of these feelings are normal and there is no particular order that they happen. Keep talking to your remaining family about your feelings and about theirs and try to remember any happy occassions no matter how fleeting they were.

all the best

biker girl


Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish
Sorry to hear about your loss Toby.

Like Helen says, there are no "shoulds" when it comes to feelings. You feel what you feel. It's hard when you've had an up and down relationship with someone - there can be a lot of mixed feelings and hard to work out just what it is you do feel, particularly so soon after losing someone. It's good that you were able to be there for him at the end, despite him not always being able to be there for you.

Take your time, take care of yourself and the rest of your family.

You're always welcome here when you feel like posting.



Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
Dear Toby,
My deepest sympathy on your father's death. Don't be surprised about feeling "numb" for awhile - I think it is nature's way to protect us in times of great emotional upheaval. There are many emotions at such a time, and as others have said, there are no "right" or "wrong" feelings - just what each person experiences.

I'm thinking of you and sending you strength.


Registered User
May 7, 2007
north yorkshire
Hello Toby

I totally agree with Nell I really feel that nature takes over to give us some breathing space . You`ll work through what you need to work through when the time is right for you but in the meantime my thoughts are with you .

Love Jeanie x


Registered User
Oct 15, 2005
Deepest sympathy Toby, take your time, there's no 'should' in the way we think we ought to feel. Go with what's right for you and the family. Take care of yourselves