My Dad

[suzyjt2000]

hi all,

WELL I SPENT THE DAY WITH THE FOLKS ON SATURDAY. WHEN I GOT THERE WE WERE LOOKING FOR SOME MONEY DAD AS MISPLACED, DID NOT FIND IT HOWEVER. WE TOOK HIM TO THE PUB FOR DINNER AND HE WAS TELLING ME WHAT A LOVELY MEAL THEY DO (WE BEEN THERE BEFORE A FEW MONTHS AGO) WHEN WE GOT BACK HE CALLED MY SISTER INTO LOUNGE AND ASKED HER TO TAKE THE FURNITURE WE WERE REALLY PUZZLED BY THIS BUT APPARENTLY HE SEEMS TO THINK SOMEONE IS GONNA TAKE THE HOUSE AWAY FROM THEM ( ITS BROUGHT AND PAID FOR) WE HAD TO TRY TO EXPLAIN TO HIM THAT MOM & HIM HAD SORTED IT OUT YEARS AGO AND US KIDS WERE GONNA GET IT BUT HE IS CONVINCED SOMEONE ELSE IS GONNA GET IT FRANKLY I DO NOT CARE WHO GETS IT AS LONG AS THEY ARE AROUND FOR A GOOD FEW YEARS YET. IS THIS NORMALL FOR SOMEONE WITH ALZHIEMERS TO FRET ABOUT THIS SORT OF THING. MY MOM WAS IMPRESSED CAUSE HE REMEMBERED HER NAME TWICE, THE NEXT DAY MY BROTHER WENT THERE AND HE REMEMBERED HIS NAME THEN HE SAID THAT THE NAME MARY (MOM) KEPT COMING INTO HIS HEAD AND HE DID NOT KNOW WHY. I AM SO CONFUSED BY IT ALL, WHY DOES HE KNOW US KIDS BUT HE THINKS MY MOM IS THE HOUSEKEEPER,
AND THEY BEEN MARRIED FOR 30 YEARS.

LOVE SUE

 

[Norman]

Suzy
you say Dad has Alzheimers?
Has he been dianosed as such?
Could you tell us a little bit more about Dad and the situation?
best wishes
Norman

 

[connie]

Suzy, feel for you. I sometime think anything goes with AD. There does not seem to be a pattern or set time scale for remembering, or forgetting. Do keep posting as it does help.
Love, Connie

 

[barraf]

Dear Suzy

I am afraid there is no such thing as normal to describe the symptoms of AD. Every one is an individual and they are all affected differently. While there are often similarities no two people show the exact same symptoms.

For instance Margaret shows no interest in money or things, while a friend in similar circumstances is often accused by his wife of stealing her money and jewelry.

All you can do is try to reassure him (as you are doing) and then try to distract him. I know it is all extremely difficult, and will need all your love and patience.

Do keep posting and tell us your worries and fears, that in its self is an outlet. Sometimes the mere action of writing down your problems helps to relieve the pressure.

Hope this is of some help.

Cheers Barraf

 

[Sheila]

Dear Suzy, often the reason for not recognising a loved one is because the sufferer is "remembering " them as they were way back. Your Dad may "see" your Mum as she was when they were first married, this is how my Mum "saw" my Dad. His photo from then had pride of place where as the most recent one before he died had no meaning to her at all. It's very sad, but it happens a lot. It is also quite common for them to fret about things because they can't recall what has happened properly. Please do fill us in a bit more as Norman says, that way we can hopefully be of more help to you. Love She. XX

 

[Jude]

Dear Suzy,

Sheila has given an explanation which I hadn't considered before and which sounds spot on really.

My father often refers to me as 'the accountant' or 'the boy in the office'. He also has difficulty recognising my mother on occasions and refers to her as 'that man sitting in the lounge' or his 'room mate'. He has great trouble with gender and names, since neither my mother nor myself look remotely like men.

It was a big shock initially to realise that my father hadn't a clue who I was sometimes. Unfortunately I've had to get used to it.

Jude

 

[Nutty Nan]

gender problems

Apart from the pain caused when someone who suffers from AD fails to recognise loved ones, I find the gender problems very puzzling, and it is reassuring to find that this is not an unusual 'side effect', although it is very difficult to explain to people who are not familiar with our situation. My husband refers to most people, including myself, our two daughters, our granddaughter (often even in our presence) as 'he', or 'that chap'. I can only assume that it is due to the general blurring of the meaning of words. Does anyone have an explanation?
Carmen

 

[Sheila]

Dear Carmen, I think you have answered the question yourself really. A blurring of words etc. At least that's what I've always put it down to for want of finding any better explanation. Love She. XX

 

[Jude]

Dear Carmen,

I've got absolutely no answer to this one.

My father nearly always refers to women and 'he' these days. Oddly, he never calls men 'she' or 'her'.

Jude