My Dad

suzyjt2000

Registered User
Jan 17, 2005
14
Telford
MY DAD AS ALZHEIMERS AND MY MOM IS FINDING IT HARD TOM COPE WITH HIM, MYSELF AND MY SISTER DO OUR BEST BUT WE ARE NOT THERE 24/7 SHE NEEDS HELP BUT I DO NOT KNOW WERE TO BEGIN TO GET IT. ANY ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT TO HELP US ALL COPE WITH IT BETTER AND HELP MY MOM TO GET THROUGH EACH DAY
 
C

Chesca

Guest
Hello, Suzy, welcome to TP and let's hope we can altogether help, to guide in the right direction for your poor Mum and Dad.

OK. Dad has Alzheimers. From who did you get the initial diagnosis? I ask this because that is where you need to revisit to establish what help is avalailable in your area.

Discounting any medical support, Firstly, is the GP aware of the situation? Secondly, does Dad have a community psychiatric nurse appointed as a result of GP awareness of Dad's situation? A consultant?

Is your mum struggling without any Social Services support? Is she open to this kind of assistance - an enormous help once established.

Is Mum in receipt of Attendance Allowance in respect of Dad's illness to assist with carer support?

All this and other questions. Come back to us and let us know where you are all at in relation to the above. Hopefully, we can then dot some 'i's and cross some 't's. Let's see what we can come up with between us. You will get lots of advice and help from other members here and other support, so take care and let us have more info.

Speak to you soon, I hope
Chesca
 

barraf

Registered User
Mar 27, 2004
308
Huddersfield
Dear Suzy

Welcome to the gang.

Chesca is right (she usually is), I found in the beginning the CPN was the biggest help in getting me pointed in the right direction.

Followed by my local branch of the Alzheimer's Society, they show you the way forwards to access whatever help is available, as well as being an understanding ear whenever you feel the need.

TP is also a wonderful group of people who have an enormous amount of knowledge between them, and are all willing to pass it on.

Keep posting your questions and problems.

Best wishes
Barraf
 

Sheila

Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
2,259
West Sussex
Hi Suzy and welcome, look forward to your reply to Chesca's questions so we can help get you started on help for your Mum and Dad. Love She. XX
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
Suzy

Welcome
come back soon with some of the answers to Chescas questions and we will be waiting to try and give some of then answers.Best Wishes
Norman
 

suzyjt2000

Registered User
Jan 17, 2005
14
Telford
EVENING TO ALL

IN ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT MY DAD. HE AS HAD ALZHEIMERS FOR QUITE A WHILE AND YES HE DOES HAVE A NURSE WHO CALLS ROUND TO SEE THEM. MY MOM IS GETTING CARERS ALLOWANCE BUT SHE AS ALLWAYS REFUSED HELP FROM ANYWHERE ELSE. BUT WE CAN SEE HE IS GETTING WORSE AND WANT TO HELP THEM AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
 

storm

Registered User
Aug 10, 2004
269
notts
dear suzy,Firstly let me say welcome to you i hope you find this site as helpful as i have over the past months it has got me through some very bad times and saved my sanity.Caring is avery hard and lonely task so i would advise your mum t o set the wheels in motion with S/S as soon as possible because she is going to need all the support she can get. Has she had a carers assesment yet? storm
 

suzyjt2000

Registered User
Jan 17, 2005
14
Telford
HI STORM

NO SHE NOT HAD A ASSESMENT SHE IS A STUBBORN OLD BAT AND THINKS SHE CAN DO IT HER SELF, WELL SHE DID DO UNTIL RECENTLY AND LAST NIGHT SHE WAS IN TEARS SAYING SHE COULD NOT COPE ANYMORE SO I HOPE THAT WE ARE GETTING THROUGH TO HERE. I LIVE 20 MILES AWAY FROM THEM AND WORK FULL TIME SO IT NOT POSSIBLE FOR ME TO GO THERE EVERY DAY BUT I DO GO EVERY WEEKEND AND MY SISTER LIVES NEAR AND GOES EVERYDAY SHE HERESELF AS TO HAVE DIALASIS EVERY OTHER DAY BUT SHE IS A BRICK TO THEM, BUT NOT EVEN SHE CAN BE THERE 24/7
 
C

Chesca

Guest
Dear Suzy

Sounds to me the biggest obstacle to overcome is Mum's reluctant to have help in order to give her a little rest. She probably feels as though she is abandoning Dad if she takes this road, when in fact they will both benefit, particularly as she will feel a little less stressed and more able to spend quality time with Dad.

You know Mum best, but you need a strategy to put this in place. I would arrange a meeting at your local social services with a worker for you and your sister to discuss your concerns. The social worker will understand because she will have encountered this problem many times. Together maybe you can gently coax Mum into the realisation that she cannot go under too because where will Dad be then? There is no shame in needing help, nobody does this job, and it is a labour even if it is of love, 24/7 even the professionals - it can't be done indefinitely.

In additition to the social worker, there is an agency called Crossroads others have mentioned on here, who provide a few hours enabling the carer to get out for a while. Age Concern. Speak to the Alzheimers Society in your area to see what other opportunities there are - all counties vary in the availability of support for carers. I'm sure other members will have other information for you.

Once armed with all of this information gently draw Mum into the idea. But gently does it, best to plant the seed and let her come around to the idea at her own pace.

Take care of yourselves, too
Chesca
 
C

Chesca

Guest
Hi, Suzy

Just read your reply to Storm. Sounds like Mum may just have reached a point to take hold of the helping hand. Let's hope so for all of your sakes. She needs some TLC herself.

You'll all get there with the love you are sharing.

Chesca
 

storm

Registered User
Aug 10, 2004
269
notts
hi Suzy, I would strike while the irons hot and get mum to involve S/S.It takes a while to get things sorted ask forassesment for your dad and a carers assesment for mum,hopefully if your mum can work out what help she needs such as day care, sittingservices, homehelps or respite care she will have the answers ready forS/S it doesnt happen over night so i would start straight away sometimes its just knowing youve taken the first step that helps from then on day by day is one of the sayings provided here by norman.thinking of you. storm
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
Suzy
do ask the nurse about assessments for Dad and for Mum as a carerer,make contact youself with Social services.
Even if Mum does not want help now if you are "on the books"at social sevices it will be easier in the future to obtain help.There may be other benifits that Mum can claim,have a look at the Society's fact sheets, No 467 gives much financial advice.
All the fact sheets can be found at
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/After_...pport/index.htm.
I am sure you and your sister will be able to convince Mum to look for help,we all tried to manage alone but there comes a time when every one needs help.
Keep posting
Best wishes
Norman
 

Sheila

Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
2,259
West Sussex
Dear Suzy, please do get in touch with SS as the others say, they can tailor a care package to suit your Mum without taking over from her in any way. She will still be your Dad's main carer and it will be done how she wants if she makes it clear. It is up to her what help she accepts, but is is vital to get the system in place. If your Mum then gets comfortable with a bit of help, she can increase it as she needs to suit how your Dad is. Remember Alzheimers is a constantly shifting illness, as the others say, you need to get the care in place before you hit a crisis. Love She. XX
 

Janet H

Registered User
Jan 19, 2005
1
Berkshire
Suzy

My Mum had been caring for my Dad for some time and out of the blue received a call from the Princess Royal Trust (I think the CPN asked them to call). Do call your local branch. They are a Charity that provides support to Carers. They have people who can help with all sorts of carer issues as well as a bank of volunteers. A gentleman used to come and take Dad out for a walk, a run in the car, or just sit and chat one afternoon a week which helped Mum enormously. It was her first step in accepting any practical help.

Good Luck

Janet H
 

suzyjt2000

Registered User
Jan 17, 2005
14
Telford
EVENING EVERYONE,

WE HAD A BAD DAY TODAY, MY DAD KEEPS ASKING MY SISTER WHEN THAT LADY IS GOING (MY MOM). HE THINKS SHE IS THE CLEANER. SPOKE TO HER EARLIER AND SHE SAYS NOT TO WORRY SHE CAN COPE(WHILST IN TEARS). I HAVE TOLD HER WE ARE GONNA SPEAK TO SS BUT SHE SAYS NO, BUT WE GONNA DO IT ANYWAY. WE PHONED HIS DOCTOR WHO IS DUE TO GO AND SEE HIM NEXT WEEK AND SHE IS GONNA RING US AFTER HER HOLIDAY (SHE AWAY FOR A WEEK) MY SISTER AS BOOKED A HOLIDAY TO SPAIN IN APRIL FOR THEM ALL (I CAN NOT GO DUE TO WORK) BUT MOM SAYS SHE WILL NOT GO, DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU THIN BUT I THINK IT WOULD BE REALLY GOOD FOR THEM SHE WILL HAVE MY SISTER THERE TO TALK OFF SOME OF THE PRESSURE.

LOVE

SUE
 

Brucie

Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
12,413
near London
Hello Sue

"MY SISTER AS BOOKED A HOLIDAY TO SPAIN IN APRIL FOR THEM ALL "

... are you saying your sister has booked the holiday in Spain for April and that Dad is to go as well?

If so and in view of your description of his confusion, it is worth checking not only on the basic issues [will the airline take him, will insurance cover him, etc] but also, and much more importantly, will it confuse him even more?

If that happened, and they were in a foreign country requiring a flight to return him home, then it might get, to say the least, uncomfortable for everyone.

I took my wife Jan on one holiday too many and was on tenterhooks all the time. The holiday rep advised me not to tell the airline of her condition on the way back as they might not have taken her.
 

suzyjt2000

Registered User
Jan 17, 2005
14
Telford
HELLO BRUCIE,

TO BE TOTALLY HONEST I THINK YOUR RIGHT JUST WANTED SOMEONES OPINION, MY MOM THINKS ITS NOT RIGHT TO GO

THANKS FOR YOUR ADVICE
 

storm

Registered User
Aug 10, 2004
269
notts
dear SUZY, Go with your gut feelings i agree with brucie it will probably make your dads confusion worse, i know from my experiance with mum if we dont keep to a regular routine total chaos ensues i dread to think what would happen if we tried to take her abroad! storm
 

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