My dad wanted to know where his bedroom is! Please could I have a cuddle!
- Thread starter MaNaAk
- Start date
Hi MaNaAk,
It is so sad when these changes happen in our loved ones isn't it?
I do understand how you feel, my husband has no idea where any room is in the house is and hasn't known for a year or more now. He is happy in his surroundings once he is in the room he wants, but he needs constant help in getting to where he wants to be and needs to be physically led there.
I have no answer for this. I'm afraid putting signs/pictures on doors to help him identify rooms does not help my husband - but maybe it is something you could try for your dad, it might help him.
i just wanted to say you are not alone and we understand - and I'm sending you a much needed hug
It is so sad when these changes happen in our loved ones isn't it?
I do understand how you feel, my husband has no idea where any room is in the house is and hasn't known for a year or more now. He is happy in his surroundings once he is in the room he wants, but he needs constant help in getting to where he wants to be and needs to be physically led there.
I have no answer for this. I'm afraid putting signs/pictures on doors to help him identify rooms does not help my husband - but maybe it is something you could try for your dad, it might help him.
i just wanted to say you are not alone and we understand - and I'm sending you a much needed hug
Hi MaNaAk,
It is so sad when these changes happen in our loved ones isn't it?
I do understand how you feel, my husband has no idea where any room is in the house is and hasn't known for a year or more now. He is happy in his surroundings once he is in the room he wants, but he needs constant help in getting to where he wants to be and needs to be physically led there.
I have no answer for this. I'm afraid putting signs/pictures on doors to help him identify rooms does not help my husband - but maybe it is something you could try for your dad, it might help him.
i just wanted to say you are not alone and we understand - and I'm sending you a much needed hug
Dear Lynne,
Thankyou very much for replying! The strange thing is that dad can still find his way back home and I have noticed that this confusion tends to happen mostly in the evening but I will probably at some stage have to put signs up!
It's very sad but at least his diabetic apointment today was okay! I hope your husband is okay eventhough my thoughts go out to you!
Love and hugs from
MaNaAk
Thankyou abz2005!
I seem to remember that there was an occasion when my grandmother had to ask where the toilet was and she was never diagnosed with dementia. Her memory was quite good but her circulation was bad.
Love and hugs
MaNaAk
My mum has been in a care home for about 6 months. Turn right out of her room and it leads down a corridor to the TV lounge and dining room. Turn left out of her room and about 6 steps away is the conservatory where we like to sit. She can never believe that it is so close to her room and yet she can't find it.
My mum has twice recently asked where she has to sleep, her bedroom is on the ground floor about 6 paces from her chair in the living room. This seems to be a next step with her as she is also starting to ask about dead relatives.
Sending a hug.
Sending a hug.
Hi MaNaAk,
Just wanted to send you a big cuddle. I've had a tough time with OH this week but won't go into it just now or I will never get to bed. He's still not asleep, been up and down for nearly 2 hours now. Last night he actually ended up sleeping on the bedroom floor. He said he didn't know what had happened to the bed!!
Today we had a bit of a heated moment when I told him he couldn't cut the lawn as it had been raining for 2 days - his reply was " oh has it??? " Not that I would have let him anywhere near the lawnmower.
Love and hugs, Margaret xx
Just wanted to send you a big cuddle. I've had a tough time with OH this week but won't go into it just now or I will never get to bed. He's still not asleep, been up and down for nearly 2 hours now. Last night he actually ended up sleeping on the bedroom floor. He said he didn't know what had happened to the bed!!
Today we had a bit of a heated moment when I told him he couldn't cut the lawn as it had been raining for 2 days - his reply was " oh has it??? " Not that I would have let him anywhere near the lawnmower.
Love and hugs, Margaret xx
Early days
My mum unnerves me when she says things like that. I think it is because she's only newly diagnosed. I put a big sign on the bathroom door saying 4u2p which actually helped, as she had had a small sign on loo door saying that for years. This seemed to help and seemed less patronising than one saying 'toilet' etc. I suppose when she gets worse this will seem like nothing, but at present it is hurtful to see her so forgetful. Big hugs xx
My mum unnerves me when she says things like that. I think it is because she's only newly diagnosed. I put a big sign on the bathroom door saying 4u2p which actually helped, as she had had a small sign on loo door saying that for years. This seemed to help and seemed less patronising than one saying 'toilet' etc. I suppose when she gets worse this will seem like nothing, but at present it is hurtful to see her so forgetful. Big hugs xx
Dear Snow White,
A cuddle to you too! I suppose I'll be a bit like this as well when I get to my eighties!
Love
MaNaAk
Hello Margaret!
I hope you have a diagnosis for your OH soon because one way or the other it is better to know the diagnosis rather than not knowing and also he would be given some medication. He will probably be given donepezil 5 mcg to start with which is not a cure but it seems to work with dad in that it slows his deterioration down. I also hope you get some sleep!
Love and hugs from
MaNaAk
Dear Sylvia,
I believe that Dad sometimes thinks this place is a hotel because when he first came to this country he was, like your husband, living in digs as a student. However he's been okay today so far.
Love and hugs from
MaNaAk
Dear Sue,
I think your mum and my dad are at the same stage because dad has also been talking about dead relatives. That said he hasn't done this quite so much over the last couple of days since his hearing aid has been repaired!
Love and hugs and a lot of strength from
MaNaAk
Hello People...
I cannot thank the folk on these pages enough, for sharing their experiences of caring for PWD & especially the ways they deal with it. To know it is natural for the Carer - particularly when a relative - to have feelings of anger & frustration have helped me get through those episodes & accept them without most of the guilt that used to come with it.
Most of the time I can cope by saying "It's not Mum, it's the illness" like a mantra & I guess while I'm repeating it in my head, it distracts me from whatever it was she said/done for the 10,000th time already that day
Must say that the 'Had enough' thread is my usual go-to on these boards but I shall try to keep up with this one too, if I may.
And (((Hugs))) for all who would like one
I cannot thank the folk on these pages enough, for sharing their experiences of caring for PWD & especially the ways they deal with it. To know it is natural for the Carer - particularly when a relative - to have feelings of anger & frustration have helped me get through those episodes & accept them without most of the guilt that used to come with it.
Most of the time I can cope by saying "It's not Mum, it's the illness" like a mantra & I guess while I'm repeating it in my head, it distracts me from whatever it was she said/done for the 10,000th time already that day
Must say that the 'Had enough' thread is my usual go-to on these boards but I shall try to keep up with this one too, if I may.
And (((Hugs))) for all who would like one
Refusing To Go To Bed
I'm new to this site but have read some of the previous messages to see if any of them are similar to my situation.
My mum is 78 and lives alone. She had a fall the year after my younger sister died of cancer, and had a bad head injury from that.
I think both events brought dementia on earlier than it would've done.
I've been looking after her for the last 4 years. My partner Jack helped me for the first year, then he died suddenly at home & I had to cope with that too.
I work full time shifts & spend most of my free time with mum. She's on Rivastigmine which has helped, but she's got worse in the last few weeks.
I'm having problems trying to get her to bed every night now. She hates the bedroom, doesn't recognise it and says it's too dark, even with the light on. She doesn't want to change into her nightwear and keeps insisting I take her home. Reasoning with her doesn't help. When I say what home, she comes back with "You know!" And I never get a straight answer, but I think it's her childhood home.
She's been particularly angry tonight and I don't know what to do. She's in the hall as she won't go to bed. Has anyone had the same problem?
Should've mentioned she has carers 3 times a day but not to put her to bed.
I'm new to this site but have read some of the previous messages to see if any of them are similar to my situation.
My mum is 78 and lives alone. She had a fall the year after my younger sister died of cancer, and had a bad head injury from that.
I think both events brought dementia on earlier than it would've done.
I've been looking after her for the last 4 years. My partner Jack helped me for the first year, then he died suddenly at home & I had to cope with that too.
I work full time shifts & spend most of my free time with mum. She's on Rivastigmine which has helped, but she's got worse in the last few weeks.
I'm having problems trying to get her to bed every night now. She hates the bedroom, doesn't recognise it and says it's too dark, even with the light on. She doesn't want to change into her nightwear and keeps insisting I take her home. Reasoning with her doesn't help. When I say what home, she comes back with "You know!" And I never get a straight answer, but I think it's her childhood home.
She's been particularly angry tonight and I don't know what to do. She's in the hall as she won't go to bed. Has anyone had the same problem?
Should've mentioned she has carers 3 times a day but not to put her to bed.
Hi MoonHare, hope you managed a bit of sleep yourself last night
First thing I would say is...there is no right or wrong way of handling a situation, you just find something that encourages the response you're after & secondly, you very quickly realise that what worked last time does not necessarily help with this time
My mother often says she wants "to go home" but it varies from living back with her parents to when she & Dad were first married, so I just say we'll go in the morning & have lunch on the way...it has worked most of the time & when it doesn't I invent something wrong with the car It feels wrong telling out & out fibs to your parents but I've come to accept it is easier for Mum to understand that kind of reasoning, than to try dealing with the truth that only causes her to become utterly confused, scared & vunerable.
Just a thought...has your mum been tested to rule out a urine infection, because they can be nasty little blighters that can trigger unusual behaviour. Our GP surgery has a system where you can drop off the sample & fill in a short questionnaire as to why you think there's an infection, & they will phone you back if you need treatment so there's no hanging around or a battle to get the 'patient' to the Surgery.
As for the nightclothes & things...would it really be so bad if she stretched out on the sofa on those occasions when she doesn't want to use the bedroom? Mum & I often go 'camping because the car has broken down' & we've never spent two nights on the trot, sleeping in the lounge There are far more serious battles to fight than still being in her nightie to watch the afternoon film, like trying to get her to take her meds!
Good Luck, & keep visiting & posting on the threads; there is so much advice & support that you need look no further for a better bunch of fellow Carers.
First thing I would say is...there is no right or wrong way of handling a situation, you just find something that encourages the response you're after & secondly, you very quickly realise that what worked last time does not necessarily help with this time
My mother often says she wants "to go home" but it varies from living back with her parents to when she & Dad were first married, so I just say we'll go in the morning & have lunch on the way...it has worked most of the time & when it doesn't I invent something wrong with the car
It feels wrong telling out & out fibs to your parents but I've come to accept it is easier for Mum to understand that kind of reasoning, than to try dealing with the truth that only causes her to become utterly confused, scared & vunerable.Just a thought...has your mum been tested to rule out a urine infection, because they can be nasty little blighters that can trigger unusual behaviour. Our GP surgery has a system where you can drop off the sample & fill in a short questionnaire as to why you think there's an infection, & they will phone you back if you need treatment so there's no hanging around or a battle to get the 'patient' to the Surgery.
As for the nightclothes & things...would it really be so bad if she stretched out on the sofa on those occasions when she doesn't want to use the bedroom? Mum & I often go 'camping because the car has broken down' & we've never spent two nights on the trot, sleeping in the lounge
There are far more serious battles to fight than still being in her nightie to watch the afternoon film, like trying to get her to take her meds!Good Luck, & keep visiting & posting on the threads; there is so much advice & support that you need look no further for a better bunch of fellow Carers.
Sending hugs from the U.S.
I know exactly how you feel needing a hug or cuddle some days I just cry cuz I just want a hug from somebody so bad and to hear the words it's going to be ok. My father is 82 and has dementia. He has lived with me for the last three years. He still thinks that he is living in Omaha Nebraska even though I live in Oklahoma. It breaks my heart when he asks about my mom and why she doesn't call him he forgets that she passed away 10 years ago I hate having to tell him that she is gone. He talks about family members that have passed away a lot always asking if so-and-so is still alive. Lately he has been forgetting where the bathroom is and I'll have to tell him and show him where the bathroom is which is right across the hall from his room. He thinks sometimes that he's living at his house and talks about how he's going to kick my brother out because he doesn't work and just lays around all day. Or other times he'll say that we need to find a place to live because he hasn't paid the rent and we're going to get kicked out. I've owned my home for over 20 years now and I tell him that it's paid and he doesn't have to worry about those things but he always seems to worry about paying bills and buying groceries and not having enough money. It just changes from day-to-day what our conversations going to be and it's always the same conversation for the day hour after hour. So lots of hugs to you.
I know exactly how you feel needing a hug or cuddle some days I just cry cuz I just want a hug from somebody so bad and to hear the words it's going to be ok. My father is 82 and has dementia. He has lived with me for the last three years. He still thinks that he is living in Omaha Nebraska even though I live in Oklahoma. It breaks my heart when he asks about my mom and why she doesn't call him he forgets that she passed away 10 years ago I hate having to tell him that she is gone. He talks about family members that have passed away a lot always asking if so-and-so is still alive. Lately he has been forgetting where the bathroom is and I'll have to tell him and show him where the bathroom is which is right across the hall from his room. He thinks sometimes that he's living at his house and talks about how he's going to kick my brother out because he doesn't work and just lays around all day. Or other times he'll say that we need to find a place to live because he hasn't paid the rent and we're going to get kicked out. I've owned my home for over 20 years now and I tell him that it's paid and he doesn't have to worry about those things but he always seems to worry about paying bills and buying groceries and not having enough money. It just changes from day-to-day what our conversations going to be and it's always the same conversation for the day hour after hour. So lots of hugs to you.
