1. Egh75

    Egh75 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2016
    Hi everyone, I'm a newbie!
    My mum has eod, she was diagnosed at 57, and is now currently in full time nursing care since April at the age of 62.
    My dad is finding this so tough, he misses her desperately, he visits her most days but finds day to day life very hard at the minute. I'm quite limited in what I can do, I have 4 young children and my husband works away mon-fri. I really am at a loss, dad will not visit his GP but I feel he has become very depressed.
    Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
  2. notsogooddtr

    notsogooddtr Registered User

    Jul 2, 2011
    Hi,so sorry for you all,this would be sad at any age but tragic for such a young couple.Your dad will be grieving for his wife and the life they should have had.It's like a bereavment,more difficult in many ways,he is alone but still has a wife,he can't move forward.I think it would be good for him to see his GP,he may be offered counselling,perhaps medication.But convincing him is obviously another thing entirely,does he have any siblings or friends he might listen to?Apparently people don't respond well to advice from adult children.You can only do what you can do,your own family need you too.Good luck and take care
  3. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    Hi Egh75
    welcome to TP - glad you've found us, as there's so much support here.

    How very sad for your parents. Your dad must wonder how on earth the life they were hoping for has been so irrevocably turned upside down. And how tough for you too; you can only do so much for them.

    I wonder if he would have a look at TP too - it might help him to contact others in a similar situation.
    Would he go along to a carers café or anything similar - maybe have a look for him and see what is in your area.

    If he won't himself go to talk to his GP, might you be able to write to the GP to let them know your worries about your dad - the GP won't want to discuss your dad with you, however they may then be able to invite him for a well man session or something just to get your dad into the surgery.

    Very best wishes to you all
  4. Beannie

    Beannie Registered User

    Aug 17, 2015
    East Midlands
    Hi Egh75

    So sorry to hear of the problems your Dad and you are facing. Like everyone else I say welcome to Talking Point. My family situation is so similar to yours. My husband was diagnosed with eod and Parkinsons Disease when he was 57. He had to go into a care home in July last year aged 61 as I could not cope at home anymore. I have a 30 year old daughter who is single and still lives at home (house prices being what they are). I can absolutely identify with how your Dad is feeling, I went through guilt continually sobbing wondering what on earth I had done, how would I be able to go on without him here. I do think your Dad needs to at least speak to his GP, are you able to have a word with them yourself? He doesn't have to take their advice but it is quite important they know his situation and how hard he is finding everything. Have you suggested that he looks at Talking Point himself? He doesn't have to do anything other than look at other people's stories if that is what he is comfortable with.

    I have found my local Carers Group very helpful, it is also important to remember that you don't stop being a carer just because your loved one goes into residential care.Instead the caring role changes. I see him four times a week and the stress of all the caring and coping at home has gone and the time I spend with him is quality time. He doesn't always remember I have visited but I have learnt to accept that. I also have a couple of very close friends and they have been amazingly supportive. Does your Dad have a hobby or something he is/was interested in? If so maybe he could find a group he could go to. Also has he thought about contacting his local Alzheimers Society Support Group?

    My daughter struggles with all this as she finds it very hard to see her Dad in a care home instead of living here with us and has recently come out of a very dark and difficult time (she was going up to her room and staying there for many hours at a time as she couldn't face the reality of what had happened) After all most of her friends and peers still have healthy parents enjoying life together.

    Please let us know how things are going and if you need any more advice just ask. I have asked many times and someone has always come back to me.
  5. 1mindy

    1mindy Registered User

    Jul 21, 2015
    I imagine many of us can emphasise with your dads situation. I still have my OH at home but have very dark and lonely days. This is not how it should be. We plan for a life after work. Days together,long holidays ,just doing as we please as a couple. We see others doing just that. Our friends are still in couples, some retired some still working as generally having a normal sociable time. I went to the doctor as I knew the way I felt wasn't healthy for me. Many tears along chat and a recommend o try St Johns wort and I now can see a bit clearer. Still bad days but generally more good than bad.
    Encourage him to go and also to try and get out with his friends as difficult as that might be. Because we are no longer part of the norm and feel it greatly.

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