My dad is still going out

Evangeline_26

New member
Oct 7, 2019
1
Hi, my dad is not self isolating. He is still walking across our park and going to the local shops. He lives around the corner to me. We have been getting his shopping so he diesnt really need anything but he seems to get fixated on needing something that we didn't get. He is a hoarder with no hot water, TV or heating. He hasn't let anyone in his house for 10 years, including us. He isnt seeing the news on TV like everyone else but does listen to the radio. He doesn't understand how serious this is despite me explaining every day over the phone or on his door step that he just needs to stay home. He dismisses it and says you cant catch it from walking in a park. When I said he shouldn't be going into shops he says he refuses to be a prisoner in his own home. I explained that if he becomes unwell he would have to let one of my family in to care for him but they wouldnt be able to come home because my husband works for the NHS and needs to stay well. He agrees at the time then forgets the conversation. This seems to be a combination of his stubbornness, lack of awareness and memory loss. I'd be grateful for some advice from others please?
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,330
Merseyside
Welcome to DTP @Evangeline_26
I don’t think there’s anything you could do to stop him. Personally I’d flag him as vulnerable with local social services & the fire brigade. Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,387
Nottinghamshire
Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Evangeline_26

I’m assuming your dad is over 70 so shouldn’t be going out at all. There are a few members having this problem with their PWD and so far no-one has come up with a solution. If he’s otherwise well and not at risk from anything other than the corona virus maybe the best thing to do would be limit your own contact with him to keep your husband well.

It sounds to me that he is vulnerable with his living conditions so call social services and ask if they can offer any help. It may be that nothing is available for new clients during this crisis. Also flag him up with the police as a vulnerable adult so that if they find him out and about they know he’s doesn’t understand the situation.
 

Auchendavie

New member
Mar 25, 2020
3
Kirkintilloch
Hi my husband and I are having the same problem with his dad, it is so worrying! He was on the phone again this morning asking if we could go over this morning to fix something in his house, and getting really anxious . Again we explained that we cannot do this ( I am dropping his shopping off at the door) but cannot come into the house. Also my husband is type 1 diabetic, so even me going out shopping is a concern. His dad said he knew that the shops were shut as he found out again yesterday when he was out. Just we knew what to do for the best
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,330
Merseyside
Hi my husband and I are having the same problem with his dad, it is so worrying! He was on the phone again this morning asking if we could go over this morning to fix something in his house, and getting really anxious . Again we explained that we cannot do this ( I am dropping his shopping off at the door) but cannot come into the house. Also my husband is type 1 diabetic, so even me going out shopping is a concern. His dad said he knew that the shops were shut as he found out again yesterday when he was out. Just we knew what to do for the best
Welcome to DTP @Auchendavie. Such a worry for you.
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of advice & support here.
 

Baker17

Registered User
Mar 9, 2016
493
My friends dad is 95 and goes to the shop for his paper very day. He does not have dementia/Alzheimer’s but she cannot persuade him not to so I sympathise with you
 

Gerona

New member
Mar 25, 2020
5
It is my husband....he grasps there is a problem, but then forgets a bit, and thinks going for his paper, no problem. Think I can get it delivered....
 

Auchendavie

New member
Mar 25, 2020
3
Kirkintilloch
I am just back from visiting my father in law, I went into the house, and wrote on his diary in every day for the next month “ Do Not Leave The House” hopefully this work, Anyone got any other ideas .
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
252
If your dad hasnt got substantial health reason then gov advice is you can go out once a day to exercise unfortunately im not meant to be out as im classed as in vunrable catigory but have no choice to take my pwd dad out once a day for 30 min to tire him out as he will go mad so have to take the risk im trying to limit my exposure as much as i can by wearing gloves mask washing hands constantly .i cannot self isolate as my dad not safe by himself needs 24 hour as goes missing 😒
Would he wear gloves ? is he washing hands often ?
If so him going out for a short walk might be ok many old people not just pwd still going out shopping walk over 70 even though they have been told not too but not much police can do unless the person is a serious danger to themselves or public by having knowilly the virus
 

My Mum's Daughter

Registered User
Feb 8, 2020
36
I honestly thought that Mum was following advise and staying in but this morning I found her wearing her shoes with her coat in her hand. It turns out that she thought she could go to the supermarket, not for anything important but a new can of hairspray.

I have now followed through with my threat and hidden her shoes.
 

Starting on a journey

Registered User
Jul 9, 2019
212
This happens when people don’t have dementia. A 70yr old in our family had been going for the newspapers every day.....then said she didn’t need shopping as she would go to Morrisons. Some people just don’t get it.
 

StephanieJane

New member
Mar 31, 2020
1
Hi I'm new to the forum. This thread is exactly the reason I joined. My father has early stage Alzheimer's. He's insisting on going to the shops several times a day when they should be self-isolating. Apart from the risk to his and my mother's health, my mum sounds worn out and depressed because they argue when she tells him not to go. He thinks she's being ridiculous. I feel powerless to help or advise my mum. They've had a strong relationship for most of their lives, but now he flies off the handle when she tries to make him see sense. Can anyone suggest strategies for dealing with this? He's not able to be fully rational anymore, but she can't keep letting him go out just to avoid argument.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
279
I honestly thought that Mum was following advise and staying in but this morning I found her wearing her shoes with her coat in her hand. It turns out that she thought she could go to the supermarket, not for anything important but a new can of hairspray.

I have now followed through with my threat and hidden her shoes.
I'm sorry, I shouldn't laugh but... I am! Hairspray is essential, what do you mean?!
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
279
More seriously though, you must flag this with social services, especially if there's hoarding and other things (no hot water!) involved.

My nan has cancer and has been told to self isolate for 12 weeks, her 90+ year old boyfriend is up and down from the shops, not got dementia (and is perfectly capable of looking after himself) and won't stop. So he's banned from the house. He comes by, drops off a paper and waves and blows kisses through the window. My nan quarantines the paper and reads it the next day just in case.