my dad is dying

Rose2008

Registered User
Feb 19, 2008
7
uk
Hi,
My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's nearly 4 years ago. 6 months ago he moved to a care home. He is now immobile and incontinent and has stopped eating, he just sucks a little from the spoon. He is warm and apparently comfortable, but seems now completely withdrawn. Up to last week, although he wasn't talking, you could tell he was aware of us singing and chatting in the room with him. Now he lies with his eyes closed, doesn't speak at all, doesn't open his eyes, doesn't move. I feel so sad.
 

christine_batch

Registered User
Jul 31, 2007
3,388
Buckinghamshire
Dear Rose,
Here on Talking Point, you will receive help and support.
It is a herrendous experience for anyone to go through.
I send you prayers for the strength you will need at this very sad time.
Best wishes
Christine
 

clarethebear

Registered User
Oct 16, 2007
197
manchester, uk
Hi Rose

I'm sorry your Dad is now at this stage in this terrible illness. My thoughts are with both you and your family at this difficult time in your lives.

Take Care
Clare
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,567
Kent
Now he lies with his eyes closed, doesn't speak at all, doesn't open his eyes, doesn't move. I feel so sad.
I`m so sorry Rose, of course you feel sad.

Does your father respond to touch? Does he know you are there if you hold his hand ? I hope so, for then he will be comforted.
 

CraigC

Registered User
Mar 21, 2003
6,632
London
Rose,

So sorry but understand the sadness. Nothing prepares you for the last part of the journey. Keep posting.

Kindest regards
Craig
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear Rose

I'm so sorry about your dad, it's such a sad time for you.

All you can do is give your dad as much comfort as you can. As Sylvia says, hold his hand, touch his face, let him know you're there.

My husband too is almost at that stage, and I find if I cuddle him, and whisper 'sweet nothings' to him, he relaxes, and will sometimes smile, though he doesn't understand a word. They say that hearing is the last sense to be lost, so give it a go.

Keep posting here, you'll find people are wonderfully supportive, and you need support at this time.

Love,
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
67
East Midlands
Dear Rose,

I am so sorry to hear your news..and know how sad you are feeling.

Your dad sounds peaceful..and I'm sure he knows you are there.

Love Gigi x
 

fearful fiona

Registered User
Apr 19, 2007
723
73
London
Dear Rose

We are travelling this road together as my Dad is in the same state. I just sit there holding his hand, not chatting too much but a little bit. I want him to know that there is someone there who loves him (he is confusing me with my Mum but I don't think that matters). The little smiles make it all worthwhile, and I am trying to think of this as special time for the two of us.

My thoughts are with you.
 

Mameeskye

Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
1,669
56
NZ
Dear Rose

My Mum is also slipping away at the moment. It is hard but I would try and keep talking to him and hold him or touch him while you are there.

One blessing of this illness for me is I can say to Mum all my fears and cares and love without fearing that I will upset her or worry her, whereas when my Dad was dying he knew only too well and until a few hours from the end was very aware about everything so many things were not really said.

The support here is wonderful.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

Mameeskye
 

BeverleyY

Registered User
Jan 29, 2008
716
Ashford, Kent
Dear Rose

It is heartbreaking watching a parent die.

I lost my mum 5 weeks ago, and I know exactly how you are feeling.

Best wishes.

Beverley x
 

Rose2008

Registered User
Feb 19, 2008
7
uk
wednesday

today he lay in bed surrounded by cushions, warm and snoozey. he moved his hand slightly when i said hello, so i held it, i gave him some drops of water on my fingers, and talked a bit to him. watching him is like watching my babies when they were tiny, slight twitching movements and frowns and little smiles. it was sort of peaceful in the room, very still and quiet. i read yesterday someone describing leaving as like leaving your child on the first day of school, and that's what it felt like when it was time to go. although the loss is hard to bear, there is a privilege and gentleness in the fading, in this time of letting go.
Thankyou all so much for your kind words, it feels a great relief and support to have somewhere i can go on and on about it and not be brave and sensible.
 

Taffy

Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
1,314
Dear Rose,

Just like to send you caring thoughts such a difficult time for you. Love Taffy.
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
it was sort of peaceful in the room, very still and quiet. i read yesterday someone describing leaving as like leaving your child on the first day of school, and that's what it felt like when it was time to go. although the loss is hard to bear, there is a privilege and gentleness in the fading, in this time of letting go.
Rose, that's such a beautiful description. I shall remember it.

Love and warm hugs,
 

Loris

Registered User
Jan 30, 2008
18
Dear Rose.
I just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you at this very difficult and emotional time.
Hugs
Loris xxx
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
My thoughts too are with you. May your last days with your dear father continue to give each of you peace of mind and the comfort you need to face the end. Thinking of you, and sending you hugs.