1. kennyuk

    kennyuk Registered User

    Nov 18, 2006
    35
    He doesn't know what he wants, I think he is bored & lonely, but he would never go to a day centre. And a doctor's visit is out of the question.
    Whenever we ask he what he would like to do, he just reacts in an angry way, as if he has little hope.

    I don't know what to do.
     
  2. Helena

    Helena Registered User

    May 24, 2006
    715
    Oh how I empathise with you

    We had just the same from my Mother and oh what a pretty pickle her stubborn refusal to face reality has landed her in

    Maybe a friend of your Dads could make him see sense ......often they listen to friends rather than family

    Have you alerted his GP because many GPs will ask the patient to come in on some pretext or other and start the balls rolling
     
  3. kennyuk

    kennyuk Registered User

    Nov 18, 2006
    35
    He doesn't have any friends or other family, and the last time he went to the doc was 1952.
    Unless he was in terrible pain, I doubt he would ask for any type of medical help.
     
  4. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Kenny

    Been there, done that, got the T shirt. You would not come across a more stubborn individual than my mum when it comes to seeing the GP, after all, "there is nothing wrong with me". So armed with all sorts of notes we had made, my brother and I went to see the GP ourselves. Shared with her our worries about mum's mental health, and her point blank refussal to go to the surgery.

    The GP agreed to make a house call saying that as mum was over 80 she had a responsibility of care towards her, and as she had not been to the surgery in years had an obligation to call, worked a treat. From this visit we had the referral to the Psychiatrist, who again, based on the information given by us the family, and the GP, he also did a home visit on the same pretext. He prescribed Aricept for her. With the help of the GP, we also managed, for a period time, to get mum to a day centre once a week, although some weeks she would refuse to go and have a complete hissy fit, but again we just said that it was a social event for the over 80's and once there she enjoyed herself. Thats the main problem I think with this disease, just when you think youv'e cracked it, you are off down another route, facing the same problem but with more severity, or simply facing a different problem.

    What I'm trying to say here Kenny is that sometimes for the benefit of our loved ones we may have to resort to devious means. You have to keep it in mind that you are not doing these things in any way to cause harm, its the total opposit.

    Mum was totally bored because she was unable to do things she used to, such as reading, knitting etc. etc., because she couldnt concentrate, or just forgot how to do it.

    Mum bless her cotton socks was always, shall we say, strong willed, I think with the onset of her AD a lot of the aggression is fear, at some level she knows she is losing it, but not in a million years would she ever admit it.

    I used to come up with all sorts of things for her to do in the early days, such as jigsaw puzzels, although these kind of activities are short lived, you just have to keep trying to think of things to occupy. Not easy at all.

    Hope this helps, and good luck
    Cate
     
  5. kennyuk

    kennyuk Registered User

    Nov 18, 2006
    35
    My dad has started to ask when my mother is. She died 11 years ago, he doesn't seem to remember.

    This is such a terrible disease.
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,847
    Kent
    Oh Kenny, poor you. It`s so much to cope with. I honestly don`t know which is worse, being afflicted or being the carer.
    Hasn`t your dad had any medical imput? Could you go to see his GP and ask if there is any way round the problem. He really sounds as if he needs help, and some informed advice wouldn`t do you any harm either.
    Take care, Sylvia
     
  7. kennyuk

    kennyuk Registered User

    Nov 18, 2006
    35
    I don't think I can go to my GP. She is not a very sympathetic person, she may come up with something like taking him away. That would destroy my dad even more. He would not even face her in the house, it would scare him.

    I feel incredibly bitter, what has he done to deserve all this ? He's never hurt anyone, he was not a drinker, or a smoker, yet he has to have this condition.
    It's a terrible, unfair world.
     
  8. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Kenny

    Its a difficult one isn't it, the balance between frightening the living daylights out of our loved ones by getting in the doctor, but on the other hand, you may just find the long term gain is worth it.

    It could well be that your dad may benefit from medication such as Aricept, who knows, sadly though the first point of contact should be the GP.

    If you dont feel that the current one is going to be helpful, then change GP. You should also keep in mind that NOBODY, even a GP can whisk dad anywhere without his consent. You can go along and seek advice, but you dont have to accept it

    You are completly right, it is not fair, but sadly we just have to cope with the hand we are delt.

    Best wishes
    Cate
     
  9. Tender Face

    Tender Face Account Closed

    Mar 14, 2006
    5,379
    NW England
    Kenny, he has done absolutely nothing to deserve this and neither have you ....

    Can't agree more, it seems unjust, unfair, indiscriminate etc etc ... I guess that's why there are so many of us here.... all trying in our own different ways to make some damned sense of the nonsensical......

    Why not try the GP? - you may be surprised.....

    Love, Karen, x
     

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