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My Dad Has Passed Away

jks

Registered User
Jul 2, 2005
67
West Yorkshire
It is exactly a week ago since my dear Dad died.

He had DLB for about 6 years, during which my Mum cared for him at home until the end of January this year. He went into a care home as Mum could not cope with looking after him any more; she is not in good health herself, and it was just too much for her.

He was admitted to hospital with an array of problems, and 24hrs after going in, the hospital rang and told me he only had a matter of hours left.....the hours turned into days, and the days into a whole week. They could not believe how strong he turned out to be. During this week, our lives were played out in one hospital room. Dad was unconcious, but we still chatted to him, told him things that we needed to say, and, on the whole, made ourselves ready for the final farewell. When it came, it was peaceful, pain-free and dignified. He breathed out, and simply did not breath in again.

The hospital were fantastic with him during that last week. I don't know why I am surprised at the care and attention he received - I didn't expect him to be pushed into a corner and forgotton or anything - but the gentleness and dignity he was given was second to none. Every day he was washed, shaved, his mouth and nostrils cleaned, hair combed, and clean pyjamas put on. This made such a difference to us, his family, that he always looked comfortable and loved. I would have hated it if he appeared unkempt and neglected.

I was surprised, but pleased, that his death certificate records the cause of death to be Dementia. It was actually pneumonia, but his dementia was the root cause. I'm glad that this wasn't ignored.

I feel so sad. Not for his actual passing - we knew that it was inevitable, and that it was, in fact, a blessing. We would not have wished his life to continue in that state. In so many ways, the person that was my Dad 'left the building' long ago, lost in the fog of dementia. He left behind a beligerent old chap, who looked like him, but didn't act, talk, think or behave the same. We still had glimpses of the 'real' Dad from time to time, but as the years went by, these were less and less frequent. It still hurts though.


The final page is written.
The book is closed.
We are at peace.


jks
 

nickyd

Registered User
Oct 20, 2007
146
49
warwickshire
Dear jks,

Sending you my Deepest Sympathy on the loss of your Father.
It must help you enormously that he was well cared for and kept comfortable, and that now you are at peace.
Of course it hurts, it is soul destroying to watch our Loved ones, suffer so much.

Keep posting on TP, if you feel it can help,
Sending you lots of Love,
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,119
Kent
Thank you for such a positive post. Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your father.

Your account of his treatment in hospital is a tonic in itself and it must have made his final days so much more comfortable for you all.

take care xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Dear jks

Thank you for your post. You are so positive -- about the end of your dad's life, about the wonderful care he had in hospital, about his peaceful end -- and most of all about your own feelings.

You are bound to be sad, and will be for a long time. You have lost your dad, a very important figure in your life.

But he is at peace now, so longer wracked by DLB and the torments that brings.

The final page is written, but the book will not be closed as long as your dad is in your heart.

I offer my deepest sympathy, and peace to you all.
 

jks

Registered User
Jul 2, 2005
67
West Yorkshire
Thank you all for your replies.

I actually feel lucky - if I could travel back in time, a week or so, there is not one thing that I would change.

I feel sad, but calm. I have no anger or regret at my Dads passing, just at the disease that stole his final years.

There is no tragedy in the death of an old (77 years) chappie with his health problems. But it is sad.

jks
 

hendy

Registered User
Feb 20, 2008
506
West Yorkshire
Dear JKS
I was saddened to hear of the death of your father. Please accept my sincere condolences. It must have been so reassuring to you and your family that Dads final days were comfortable, peaceful and dignified. His battle with this dreadful disease is over. My father is also in an advanced stage of dementia(possibly Lewy bodies). I understand why it was important to have his condition recognised on his death certificate. Thank you for your post.
take care
hendy
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
Please accept my deepest sympathies at this time.

It is sad to hear the news but pleased that your Dad's dying was peaceful, pain free and dignified.

Take care of yourself now. Best wishes Jan
 

rhallacroz

Registered User
Sep 24, 2007
106
merseyside
Dear Jks
My sincere condonlonces to you. I am so pleased that you are able to reflect on dads last week and not feel that you wish you could have done this that or the other. That must give you an enormous sense of pease. Take care of yourself and like we all say take time to grieve.
All my love
Angela x
 

sherrie1962

Registered User
Mar 9, 2008
5
hertfordshire
condolences

jks My family and I pass on our condolences to you at this very sad time. I lost my mum in January this year, so have an idea of how you are feeling.It must give you some form of comfort knowing that he was well cared for right up to the end, and not suffering anymore,he is now at peace. Think of all the happy memories you shared,this has helped me get through each day, r
remembering happier times with my mum.

Take care love sherrie.
 

Linda Mc

Registered User
Jul 3, 2005
1,881
Nr Mold
I am so sorry for the loss of your father but pleased his passing was so peaceful.

Love and sympathy to you and your family.

Linda x
 

jks

Registered User
Jul 2, 2005
67
West Yorkshire
Thank you all for your kind and heartfelt words.

Dads cremation is this afternoon. There will be many tears, and also maybe a wry smile or too - Mum wanted Dad cremated in his 'sunday best' suit - but apparently, leather shoes are not allowed, so I had to nip out and buy him a pair of cheapie shoes.....Dad would have thought that so funny!

Thank you again. It really helps, coming here.

jks
 

gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
66
East Midlands
- Mum wanted Dad cremated in his 'sunday best' suit

Sorry to read about your dad, JKS..am late coming into this thread..

Hope all went ok today..

I had to smile when I read about your dad's shoes..when my dad died mum pondered over what he should wear..:rolleyes:

We as a family decided he should wear his favourite clothes..an old pair of cord trousers..plus braces. His old gardening shirt..a woolly jumper..much darned..and we tucked a packet of Hamlet cigars into his pocket..

And I'll never forget when the funeral director phoned to ask some detail or other..I asked him if my dad was allright..

He assured me he was..

Such sad times..but happy memories..

Hoping you too have these happy memories..

Love Gigi xx
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,119
Kent
-
And I'll never forget when the funeral director phoned to ask some detail or other..I asked him if my dad was allright..
Ah! Gigi. I can well relate to that.

When my grandmother died, she was buried on a hillside. She died in February and later that month there was a violent Thunderstorm. She had always been terrified of thunder and lightning, she used to hide in the cupboard under the stairs. I was really worried about her, lying in/on that hillside in the storm.
 
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gigi

Registered User
Nov 16, 2007
7,788
66
East Midlands
Hello again jks,

Don't want to poach your thread,but what Sylvia said...

I was really worried about her, lying in/on that hillside in the storm.
means that our loved ones are still with us..we keep their memory alive..so they haven't really gone..

They will always be with us..as long as we remember..

I still miss my dad..and he would dismiss the tears I'm shedding for him now and tell me not to be so sentimental..

Love Gigi xx
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Dear JKS,

My sincere condolences on the loss of your father. You are showing remarkable strength and grace, which makes your post so uplifting to read. May you find comfort in knowing your Dad is finally at peace.