My dad has died, 17th March

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by TaraP, Mar 26, 2015.

  1. TaraP

    TaraP Registered User

    Jun 4, 2013
    Hello all,

    I suppose this will be my last post. I came aboard the forum in June 2013 and it has given me much support over that time - looking at other peoples posts and getting help, support and advice has helped my journey dealing with this disgusting disease. My dad 83, was diagnosed around 8 years ago, and ended up in a home just over a year ago. He has long term enlarged prostrate & does have a tendency to UI, but the signs are easy to see, so you can usually catch it early. About 6 weeks ago he had a nasty bladder infection that ended up with him being admitted into hospital on 14th feb. His dementia and confusion meant that he kept pulling out the catheter, and making the situation worse.

    During his time in the hospital he just seemed to only be given more and more painkillers, and the urology dept did not want to see him, so the cause was not dealt with.

    He was going downhill within about 10 day, and went from being strong & eating on his own in the carehome, to a weakling that could not stand unaided, was becoming super skinny & could not speak anymore - just mumbling. I started jumping up and down a couple of weeks into his stay, and asked the forum for help!

    We had hoped things were looking up a bit with Dad on Thurs night - the 12th, as his catheter finally came out, and he could pee normally again! But he was rather odd on Saturday & seemed to be unaware of anyone around him. The nurse said his pee was a bit sugary, but I thought nothing of it? Unfortunately he went downhill very quickly on the Sun afternoon, and we were called to the hospital around 7pm.

    He was fighting hard Sunday night, and although not conscious was moving around a lot which was hard to watch (like watching your dog lying in pain after being run over, and no one will let you get to it, or even put it out of its misery).

    Dad slowly got weaker & could not take on any fluid orally, so he was put on a morphine syringe driver on Monday lunchtime by the end of life nurse, to avoid any more pain, which made him much more comfortable. It was then just waiting for the inevitable. Blood tests had been taken and the results showed severe renal failure.

    Mum and I were with him at the end at 2pm on Tuesday 17th, and it was a peaceful day, the fight had finally left him so this made it easier for us.

    Mum and I are pretty OK (ish!), we both shed a lot of tears Monday as I think the reality that he was really going hit us, and it was such a shock. But we were not too bad when he actually went. I was so helpful for me to be with him & I never thought I would say that. Feeling rather numb, but I expect that is normal.

    He died of poor renal function & prostrate hypertrophy. Oh, after all my jumping up and down the urology dept did finally offer to see him - unfortunately he died before the appointment.....don't let this happen to you. A lot of departments do not want to see dementia patients, so jump around straight away! maybe my dad can save one of your parents.

    Thanks to you all again for all the support. I am an only child so its not always easy to find someone to talk to.

    Dads funeral is 1st April at noon, so if you can have a thought for us & raise a glass - he is probably already in the great bar in the sky with his old pals!! P.S. have asked for donations to go in part to the Alzheimer's Society. Bye Tara x
  2. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Sending you and your mum my deepest sympathy and hoping all goes as you wish on Ist April.

    Of course, if you do want to stay involved with TP, people will be very glad to hear from you.
  3. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    British Isles
    So sorry for your loss Tara but glad that your Dad's last day was peaceful. Your Mum will be so thankful for your support at this painful time.

    Hope all goes well on 1st April and that you are able to share many happy memories as well as the inevitable tears. Take care.
  4. Pottingshed50

    Pottingshed50 Registered User

    Apr 8, 2012
    Oh dear how sad. Please accept my condolences as well and yes I will raise a glass to your dear Dad on the 1st of April. Please feel that you can come back and chat on TP in the future. We are always here and you never know when you need to chat to someone.

    God bless you and your dear Mum. I will be thinking of you.
  5. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    So sorry Tara
    My condolences to you and your Mum .

    I too will raise a glass at noon on April 1st I trust the celebration of your Dad's life is all you wish it to be.

    Tara you are more than welcome to stay on here for as long as you need or wish to be, I'm still here nearly five years later
  6. Chaucer 1931

    Chaucer 1931 Registered User

    Mar 30, 2014
    Hi Tara,
    I'm sorry to hear such sad news of your dad's passing,and my deepest sympathies to you and your mum.
    You did your best for him and you tried to make things right for him while he was in hospital.
    The only people who let him down were those who should have been looking after him in hospital.
    It is a lot to deal with being an only child,I know this myself,and Talking Point helps as everyone is in the same position,we all are here to support each other,it would be good to hear from you still,if you do feel like talking.
    I will be thinking of you on April 1st,
    Take care,

    Jane xx

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  7. chrisdee

    chrisdee Registered User

    Nov 23, 2014
    Thinking of you Tara, so glad to hear that Dad had a peaceful end. Its hard to know how things will pan out, but hope you feel it was for the best all in all. Yes, I thought I didn't need TP too, but I guess that I still find it a comfort and want to know what happens in some of the threads I have followed. Mum died 3 weeks ago.
  8. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    I'm sorry for your loss Tara.
  9. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    Brixham Devon
    Tara, sending my condolences to you and your family. No need to be a stranger on this Forum; come back if you want to. I hope all goes well at the funeral-a sad time for you but your Dad is now at peace.

    Take much care of yourself

    Lyn T XX
  10. sunray

    sunray Registered User

    Sep 21, 2008
    East Coast of Australia
    Tara 17th March would have been my Dad's birthday, he died in 2000. So sorry for the lack of treatment towards the end of your Dad's life but glad the last day was peaceful. You have my condolences. Do continue on here, some of us do, to post encouragement for those still on the journey. And it does help as you grieve to debrief or express your grief in a post.
  11. angecmc

    angecmc Registered User

    Dec 25, 2012
    So sorry for your loss, will think of you all on 1st April xx

  12. Anniebell

    Anniebell Registered User

    Jan 31, 2015
    Dear taraP sending you and your mum my deepest sympathy my thoughts will be with you on the first of april cheers to your dad love Annie x
  13. clareglen

    clareglen Registered User

    Jul 9, 2013
    Condolences to you & your family. At least he's out of it now.
  14. Tears Falling

    Tears Falling Registered User

    Jul 8, 2013
    Sending you and your mum virtual hugs Tara. xx

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