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My Dad follows me everywhere and talks constantly - I'm going bonkers!

SueBee1965

New member
Apr 2, 2020
3
My mum died in December just gone and whilst my dad was having memory issues which we thought might be the beginning of alzeheimers, this pushed him right over the edge and I'm now thrown into full time care. He wakes me at 6am and talks all day long until 11pm. Basically its same 5 questions rapidly over and over and over along with wanting to go home (he is in his home). If I stop responding he gets agitated, if I go outside to the garden for a break he follows me, if I take a shower he stands outside the door calling for me, if I nip to the shops he walks up and down the road looking for me or rings my mobile incessantly, he is absolutely awful to my brother and my partner and doesnt want them in the house - only me. He was always the nicest most polite and considerate fella before alzheimers. That said he does sleep fairly well at night (although he is waking erlier and earlier) and as yet I dont have to do any physical care beyond meals, running the house, laundry etc. So I know in that regard I'm still in a fortunate position. He doesnt know I'm his daughter anymore and is often somewhat inappropriate.

I love my dad but I've had no time to grieve for my mum, I've had to split from my husband because of Dads aversion to him plus now COVID, I've had to close my business and lay off my staff, no income and I feel like I'm about to break. How do other carers cope? I often find myself feeling really resentful as ive lost my mum and my life and wishing I could check him into care. I know I wont because he would be so difficult but that doesnt stop the feelings from coming nor the guilt afterwards. Such a head warp.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,457
N Ireland
This behaviour is called shadowing and is a type of anxiety. My wife was very bad with this and required medication to take the edge off the condition.

A chat with the GP may help - that's where I started and it took a few changes of and tweaks to the meds to get things improved somewhat.

I can't help with the repeating statements and questions as that is par for the course. 4 - 5 years in from diagnosis I'm more used to it but it can still grate at times.
 

Buteo

Registered User
Mar 20, 2019
67
My wife was given Citalopram before her diagnosis and it really helped her. Perhaps you should take your father to the GP and explain the whole thing. Doubtless your Dad will say he doesn't need to be there, but a good GP should see through this and will be able to offer some medication and refer on if your father hasn't had a diagnosis yet.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,066
Yorkshire
hi @SueBee1965
welcome from me too
you say your dad is waking earlier ... might you try blackout blinds in his room, or thicker curtains, to cut out the morning light ... it helped my dad