My dad died today


Registered User
Dec 4, 2007
My dad died today, it was peaceful but I feel so sad. I know it sounds silly but I'm still not sure why he died it seems so sudden and I'm going to miss him so much.

My mum thankfully is still well but has vascular dementia so doesn't understand what has happened.

Sorry to sound so miserable.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Please don`t apologize for feeling miserable. How could you feel anything but.
Please accept my deepest sympathy on the death of your father. I suppose your mother can`t support your grief if she has Vascular Dementia, so you must feel very alone.
TP is here for you and I hope the support you receive here will be some compensation.
Love xx


Registered User
May 20, 2006
North East

I'm so very sorry to hear about your Dad

When my Dad died, my mum didn't understand what was happening either and it was hard to grieve for Dad as we felt we had to be strong for Mum

Take care



Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear botanico, so sorry to hear about the death of your dad. It must be so hard to bear, particularly when your mum has dementia, and can't understand, let alone support.

Please don't apologise for being miserable, of course you are. Please stay in touch with us, we're all here to support you.



Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
It is so sad to hear your news - inside you are grieving for your Mum and then the true grief of losing your Dad. I hope you can take comfort from TP where many will have shared similar situations.

Keep posting as it may help you. Best wishes Jan


Registered User
Jan 31, 2004
near London
Hi Botanico

thanks for letting us know the sad news.

Of course you feel miserable about it, and of course, not having Mum to talk about it with makes it worse for you.

Try to take things slowly, to come to terms with the change in your family.

Do keep coming to Talking Point, as well. There are some wonderful people here.

best wishes


Registered User
Mar 20, 2007
Hellu Botanico

Please, be as miserble as you like, TPers are here to listen and give you support. Though words on a screen have no emotions, they are sent with genuine understanding.

God Bless

Janetruth x


Registered User
Mar 7, 2004
Well you have a lot of grieveing to do. For your mum, who is probably trying to make sense of the world she is in.

Enough to be miserable about, but to now lose you dear dad so suddenly, makes it doubly hard.

Thank you for allowing us to share with you your troubled times.
I sincerely hope it helps in some way.


Registered User
Oct 20, 2007
Dear Botanica, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your father. It must be such a shock for you. Of course it must be doubly hard for you, with your Mum suffering from Vascular Dementia I cannot imagine.
Sending you lots of Love and Strength, Take care won't you.


Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
Dear Botanica,

Thinking of you at this very hard time. May you take comfort in knowing that your Dad is at peace and that yor Mum cannotrealise exactly what has happened. Altho' this is very distressing for you, it helps to reduce her distress.

Take care of yourself.


Registered User
May 12, 2007
Dear Botanico,
So sorry to hear of the loss of your dad. I can only imagine it must be so hard, especially as it was so sudden. Love and caring thoughts to you. Keep in touch.
Snooky x


Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Dear Botanica, I am truly sorry to hear of your dad's passing. Deepest Sympathy, Taffy.


Registered User
Dec 4, 2007

Thank you to everyone who have sent messages.

My dad had been having memory problems for some time, a gradual deterioration in functioning over what was probably several years. About 6 weeks ago his lunch time carer called me to say he had not let her in, I live 50 miles away and had been with him all day on the Saturday and on the day before which was a Monday. I didn't suggest she use the key in the security box because I thought he may be having some behavioural problems and can be aggresive. When we got there he was on the floor and we had to call the paramedics. They admitted him to hospital with ? UTI / chest infec. I thought he would be improved the next day but he wasn't, he slept for what seemed to be 4 days, and when they tried to get him up and walk he wouldn't and didn't eat or drink much. When we found him he seemed drunk so I thought he may have had a stroke but the scan ddn't show one although we were told that didn't mean he hadn't. I tried very hard to get additonal help for him at home so that he could be discharged but given the time of year it was even more difficult than usual. I was lucky in that I was able to get him into the care home with my mum but he didn't get any better and was asleep a lot of the time in the end he slipped into a very deep sleep and died very quietly. I try to stop myself feeling guilty about putting him in the care home but he couldn't go home without huge support and I felt it was beyond my skills to help him anymore. I have been coming to the site every evening and I know so many loved ones show some of the dfficulties my dad was having in the end and it has helped me, but I didn't expect him to die we had had such a lovely day on the Saturday and although I know something happened I don't think I will ever know what.


Registered User
Apr 26, 2006
So sorry to hear of your loss Botanica.

It is not a nice thing to happen ever but the suddeness of it must cause you even deeper concern.

It must be so difficult for you right now and you have my deepest sympathy.