My dad Brian
- Thread starter Angie1996
- Start date
Hi everyone, to keep this thread running, will post on this one, so that others can learn from this.
First and foremost I want to thank everyone of you that gave me advise and support on my other post, it helped me a lot and I went into the hosp today guns a blazing!!!
thanks you all of you that posted it gave me the knowledge and courage to let rip!
This is how it went.........
Got to hospital, seen dad, the had to leave as they gave him a wash, change etc. I stood by the cubicle and did not move. My god he was telling them to F**k off, Bast**ds, you name it, he came out with it. It was very distressing to hear this.
After he was cleaned up, I asked them why he was crying out so much? they said he does not like being moved or touched (really!! he is dying here) they were as good as gold with him, but he was not a happy camper.
Doctors turned up, then I let rip about the complete mess yesterday etc and they both apologised etc, they said there was mistakes and it was their fault.
Next CHC funding, doctor tells me CHC will fully fund a nursing home, but would only part fund extra care at his current home. I went mental about this.......
Next they send me another nurse who is more clued up.....she tells me he should be fast track and the application will take a couple of days....... I said the application was sent in on Tuesday, so now your saying its not? she said oh I did not know etc etc, at this point was losing the will to live.
I said the whole point of fast track CHC funding it that it is FAST!! I said its disgusting!! why is it not sorted!! anyway in the end I rang CHC myself, they said yes the application is done, and nursing home will be fully funded, but his current care home it would not, but would fund for extra carers for dad. CHC even advised me to ask the hospital if he can be moved to a palliative care hosp local to me.
I ring his current home and chat with the Manager, and she said I cannot get extra carers in, even agency ones (so gutted, this Manager and this home is so good)
At this point I said right thats it no more!!! confirmed that he will not return as he can't, and that I will clear his room tomorrow.
Next went back to the doctors on the ward and said that's it, I am getting off this round about, and I am doing no more, he either goes to nursing home or local hospital.....I said I give up, I have tried so hard to sort this out, and should not be doing this at this stage.
She agreed and she is going to speak to the hospital social worker to see if she can step in and help find a nursing home willing to take him near me.
The care home Manager told me that they have taken dad off all the alzheimers medication and this is why he is so aggressive!! so I ripped into the doctors about that too!!
So its been a horrid day again and I have just stopped now, over to them.......
My dad would not eat or drink, I managed by 13.15 to get him to eat a little icecream, it was about 4 tiny teaspoons, and one sip of drink. He just wont eat or drink, he is so so thin now..........
I said to him you have had enough? he nodded yes.
The nurses said he is one stubborn fellow oh yes that's my dad!!
He is a proud man and he is going through hell, he hates hospitals and anyone going near him, and his dignity gone, so so sad.
Again thank you all so so much for my cry for help yesterday, it was truly appreciated.
First and foremost I want to thank everyone of you that gave me advise and support on my other post, it helped me a lot and I went into the hosp today guns a blazing!!!
thanks you all of you that posted it gave me the knowledge and courage to let rip!This is how it went.........
Got to hospital, seen dad, the had to leave as they gave him a wash, change etc. I stood by the cubicle and did not move. My god he was telling them to F**k off, Bast**ds, you name it, he came out with it. It was very distressing to hear this.
After he was cleaned up, I asked them why he was crying out so much? they said he does not like being moved or touched (really!! he is dying here) they were as good as gold with him, but he was not a happy camper.
Doctors turned up, then I let rip about the complete mess yesterday etc and they both apologised etc, they said there was mistakes and it was their fault.
Next CHC funding, doctor tells me CHC will fully fund a nursing home, but would only part fund extra care at his current home. I went mental about this.......
Next they send me another nurse who is more clued up.....she tells me he should be fast track and the application will take a couple of days....... I said the application was sent in on Tuesday, so now your saying its not? she said oh I did not know etc etc, at this point was losing the will to live.
I said the whole point of fast track CHC funding it that it is FAST!! I said its disgusting!! why is it not sorted!! anyway in the end I rang CHC myself, they said yes the application is done, and nursing home will be fully funded, but his current care home it would not, but would fund for extra carers for dad. CHC even advised me to ask the hospital if he can be moved to a palliative care hosp local to me.
I ring his current home and chat with the Manager, and she said I cannot get extra carers in, even agency ones (so gutted, this Manager and this home is so good)
At this point I said right thats it no more!!! confirmed that he will not return as he can't, and that I will clear his room tomorrow.
Next went back to the doctors on the ward and said that's it, I am getting off this round about, and I am doing no more, he either goes to nursing home or local hospital.....I said I give up, I have tried so hard to sort this out, and should not be doing this at this stage.
She agreed and she is going to speak to the hospital social worker to see if she can step in and help find a nursing home willing to take him near me.
The care home Manager told me that they have taken dad off all the alzheimers medication and this is why he is so aggressive!! so I ripped into the doctors about that too!!
So its been a horrid day again and I have just stopped now, over to them.......
My dad would not eat or drink, I managed by 13.15 to get him to eat a little icecream, it was about 4 tiny teaspoons, and one sip of drink. He just wont eat or drink, he is so so thin now..........
I said to him you have had enough? he nodded yes.
The nurses said he is one stubborn fellow
oh yes that's my dad!!He is a proud man and he is going through hell, he hates hospitals and anyone going near him, and his dignity gone, so so sad.
Again thank you all so so much for my cry for help yesterday, it was truly appreciated.
Stay strong Angie you and your Dad have been through a lot this past year. I hope he is moved to somewhere more suitable and has his final days in more comfortable surroundings treated with dignity and respect.
Your Mum and Dad would be so proud of you in how you have handled everything.
Take care and best wishes Jess x
Your Mum and Dad would be so proud of you in how you have handled everything.
Take care and best wishes Jess x
Oh Angie - only just catching up now with this and your other thread. What a shambles and what stress for you, right when you don't need it. I hope that a good place can be found very soon for your Dad. It's all been so rapid hasn't it, you poor thing. Big hug and best wishes xxx
It's been a nightmare couple of days for you on top of your poor dad's sudden deterioration and your own grief.
You've been fantastic under horrendous circumstances, Angie. I imagine your pre-dementia dad'd be very proud of you. And your mum would have been too. Hope I'm not speaking out of turn.
Hope your dad is comfortable tonight. You must be frazzled, try to get some rest.
Thinking of you. X
You've been fantastic under horrendous circumstances, Angie. I imagine your pre-dementia dad'd be very proud of you. And your mum would have been too. Hope I'm not speaking out of turn.
Hope your dad is comfortable tonight. You must be frazzled, try to get some rest.
Thinking of you. X
Thanks abz, all quiet at the moment at it's the weekend. I am pretty sure the hospital is going to be on my case again tomorrow. I have cleared dads room at his old home. He is still in hospital at the moment.... social worker at hospital can sort it out now!! He is still refusing food and drinks very little, probably about a dessert spoon a day!! I have no idea where his strength is coming from, he must be tough as old boots!! My brother went down yesterday and said dad has purple bruising on the sockets of his eyelids and this is the start of it now? He has this hazed look in his eyes. He is soooo thin!
I am struggling a lot with this phase as it's a waiting game now. I can't believe the hospital want to get him out so quickly!!
I wish he would slip away, I can't bear seeing this again.... poor fellow....
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
I am struggling a lot with this phase as it's a waiting game now. I can't believe the hospital want to get him out so quickly!!
I wish he would slip away, I can't bear seeing this again.... poor fellow....
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Angie, I hope your dad is given comfort quickly.
You must be distraught. It's so distressing to read, it's horrifying for you.
Ignore any push from hospital to move your dad until SW has sorted things. Keep pointing out that dignity, respect and comfort in his end of life care is what you both need.
Sending warm hugs. Keep posting Xx
You must be distraught. It's so distressing to read, it's horrifying for you.
Ignore any push from hospital to move your dad until SW has sorted things. Keep pointing out that dignity, respect and comfort in his end of life care is what you both need.
Sending warm hugs. Keep posting Xx
Ah thank you all [emoji4]
As predicted they have rang me already today. They have allocated a nurse who deals with discharge. I told her just do what you need to do, find him a nursing home as close to me as possible. She is going to call me back later, once she can find out who has spears rooms. I am so glad to have this pressure off my shoulders.... I hope she gets a local one....
She was nice, and appeared compassionate, however the need to get him out is still there.
She confirmed nursing home will be fully funded.
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
As predicted they have rang me already today. They have allocated a nurse who deals with discharge. I told her just do what you need to do, find him a nursing home as close to me as possible. She is going to call me back later, once she can find out who has spears rooms. I am so glad to have this pressure off my shoulders.... I hope she gets a local one....
She was nice, and appeared compassionate, however the need to get him out is still there.
She confirmed nursing home will be fully funded.
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Hi everyone [emoji4] dad was moved into the nursing home today, feels pretty final now. I went and seen him and took his clothes etc down. He would not wake up at all, totally out of it!! I managed to get him to drink about a tablespoon of water. But wow he is sooooo thin!!! His rib cage really sticks out now, his legs are no thicker than my arms, he is skeletal. I so wish this would end now, I hope he is not suffering [emoji20]. It's heartbreaking seeing this phase through..... I can't believe he is still going!!
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
Hi Angie, Im glad the move went well. NHs are a much better environment than hospital. Is this one quite close to you?
This stage is hard. Dont worry too much about him suffering, if the NH is worth its salt the staff will be watching him for sign of pain and will give him pain relief (patches or syringe driver). If you see any sign of pain/agitation do let someone know
((((hugs))))
This stage is hard. Dont worry too much about him suffering, if the NH is worth its salt the staff will be watching him for sign of pain and will give him pain relief (patches or syringe driver). If you see any sign of pain/agitation do let someone know
((((hugs))))
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