My dad Brian

[Angie1996]

Hi Chugglug, thanks for you input on this.

When dad was diagnosed/assessed it was agreed that he was fine as he was, its only now that I am starting to realise how bad he is, he keeps telling me he is doing all the things that you do day to day, like washing, washing clothes etc. But now I really know this is not the case.

I am stuck in limbo with him, he is definitely letting me help him more, however he is hostile to help and anyone getting involved with him. This carer is the first step to try and break the barrier down.

Regarding the policeman, I am under the impression that as the police have been called about him so many times since last August, they do inform the social services etc.

I am struggling on an emotional level today as I know he needs help, and having a carer come in is so crucial for this help, and I am so scare its not going to work (I hope she is good at handling him) no cleaning on 1st visit, just cup of tea, chat etc. I will email over some pointers on Monday to the Manager, which I think will help the carer get him on side.

I hate doing all of this, I hate the deceit, he is happy bumbling along doing his thing, which is fine, but his personal state is getting bad now and his flat.

thank you so much for your input and advise, it means lot!

 

[Angie1996]

Hi Angie1996
your last 2 posts remind me so much of my dad; he did so many of the things you mention; the shaving his eyebrow especially brought a wry smile as dad did that

I wonder - you say he lets you wash his hair - maybe tell him in this heat it needs doing twice a week; then, again because of the heat, say it will be easier for you if he takes his shirt off - and oh dear, you accidentally spill water down him so it has to be mopped up - if you prepare the scene beforehand you'll have everything to hand eg a few nice towels to wrap him in once done, a flannel for him to 'dry' his chest which, oh dear, happens to just have slipped into the warm water and have soap on so he might as well flannel over his chest and under his arms and rinse off, and then you've got a nice warm towel to dry off 'oops why didn't I see that earlier'
I had to use a bit of subterfuge with dad on a few occasions - and actually it was useful as I began to see his problems eg he wasn't washing because he had forgotten the routine AND he was dressing in his bedroom on a morning before going to the bathroom, so was reluctant to then get undressed to get wet - so I suggested a new routine to get up, go straight to the loo and stay in the bathroom to wash (not an immediate success, but if it worked a few times, he was cleaner) part of which was suggesting he use flannels to wash; as he did this (rather than shower) in his younger days, it sparked off a process that had been familiar to him - I made sure that there was a pile of flannels in clear sight in the bathroom and his favourite soap as the smell was familiar and linked in with the process, and I left out towels that weren't too big or heavy so he could manipulate them easily
he's not really telling lies about washing, he will believe he has, so of course he has, and no evidence to the contrary will shake that belief
I also found that with me realising these things and overcoming my 'shyness' at interfering, dad became more accepting of me being around when he was washing and so I could help more and more - I'm afraid I did start to invade his personal space gradually, just happening to pop into the bathroom for a towel while he was in (not on the loo - though actually, much later because he was so used to hovering around, he accepted help in that department too) just to get him used to having someone else in there with him, really helped when carers took over

it's great that you have organised the 'cleaner' and she will really be there to get to know your dad - might she just do a bit of cleaning, though, so her cover isn't blown? (not good if he complains she doesn't do anything so get rid of her!) just a bit of washing up if they are chatting in the kitchen, or dusting if they are in the living room, so she can easily chat and maybe pick up photos or notice pictures and objects to ask him about

it's good the manager is on side and understanding - and the ladies are coming round - always helpful to have allies looking out for him

sorry - gone on a bit
keep up the good work

PS oops - just looked at your earlier post and the hair washes are with dry shampoo - would he tolerate a wet wash, either over a bowl or with flannels?

Hi Shedrech I cant wash him, I cant bring myself to do that I can do most things but not this, this is why I need the carer, but yes I will ask that she does some cleaning as that is the guise to getting her in the door. Once the relationship is established, then will increase the visit to twice a week, then 1 visit will be to clean him and the flat and same again on the second visit. I will be planing to get her in on a Tuesday and Thursday, and me seeing him on the Friday, at least then he will have quite a lot more support. I am so worried this is going to fail

The no water shampoo is fantastic and can do his hair with this. He is messing his shaving up really bad now, its very hit and miss. He said the electric razor is no good but I know its not.

Its so sad that he does not recognise he has a problem, or accept help. I literally tell him I am doing it whether he likes it for not as he cant carry on like this, if he wants to live independently. He is one stubborn fellow and feels no one can do it as good as him thats the army way........

 

[Shedrech]

Hi Angie1966
you're doing well for your dad - the 'cleaner' may have an uphill struggle, but between you both you'll make headway - you say he's letting you help him a little more, so however slowly, he's coming round
I wonder if an army approach might help - not sure exactly what I mean - if something was put to him as consultant/doctor's orders would he be more amenable?

best wishes

 

[Chuggalug]

Hi Chugglug, thanks for you input on this.

When dad was diagnosed/assessed it was agreed that he was fine as he was, its only now that I am starting to realise how bad he is, he keeps telling me he is doing all the things that you do day to day, like washing, washing clothes etc. But now I really know this is not the case.

I am stuck in limbo with him, he is definitely letting me help him more, however he is hostile to help and anyone getting involved with him. This carer is the first step to try and break the barrier down.

Regarding the policeman, I am under the impression that as the police have been called about him so many times since last August, they do inform the social services etc.

I am struggling on an emotional level today as I know he needs help, and having a carer come in is so crucial for this help, and I am so scare its not going to work (I hope she is good at handling him) no cleaning on 1st visit, just cup of tea, chat etc. I will email over some pointers on Monday to the Manager, which I think will help the carer get him on side.

I hate doing all of this, I hate the deceit, he is happy bumbling along doing his thing, which is fine, but his personal state is getting bad now and his flat.

thank you so much for your input and advise, it means lot!

I sat here reading through all your notes and remembered how bad it was when we were living abandoned by everyone. Thank God for a few wise eyes last year that got us onto a safer road. The care hubby receives now is second to none. Far better than being threatened or laughed at when I asked for help as his carer. I could tell you a few stories but hey, I'll save it!

I know what it's like having to step out into the open on someone else's behalf and ask for help. If it were our own children, the medics would probably still bend over backwards to help out. What makes it any different when it's someone you married (and made vows to care), or a parent you love to bits who you don't want to leave to the ravages of what is essentially a brain disease? Yet there are all these rules and other quirks to put constant rocks in our road. I do hope you find the right solution that'll help you and your dad settle into a more comfortable life, Angie.

 

[Angie1996]

Hi Angie1966
you're doing well for your dad - the 'cleaner' may have an uphill struggle, but between you both you'll make headway - you say he's letting you help him a little more, so however slowly, he's coming round
I wonder if an army approach might help - not sure exactly what I mean - if something was put to him as consultant/doctor's orders would he be more amenable?

best wishes

Yes thats probably how I am getting him to adhere, as I just tell now... he just grumbles along and follows me around

Poor carer, I hope she is good!

 

[Angie1996]

I sat here reading through all your notes and remembered how bad it was when we were living abandoned by everyone. Thank God for a few wise eyes last year that got us onto a safer road. The care hubby receives now is second to none. Far better than being threatened or laughed at when I asked for help as his carer. I could tell you a few stories but hey, I'll save it!

I know what it's like having to step out into the open on someone else's behalf and ask for help. If it were our own children, the medics would probably still bend over backwards to help out. What makes it any different when it's someone you married (and made vows to care), or a parent you love to bits who you don't want to leave to the ravages of what is essentially a brain disease? Yet there are all these rules and other quirks to put constant rocks in our road. I do hope you find the right solution that'll help you and your dad settle into a more comfortable life, Angie.

So true Chuggalug..... I think I do need to give his occupational therapist an update, as a lot has changed since Jan with regards to his decline.

 

[Angie1996]

hi all hope your all keeping well

Just an update for those that want and read and for me to get it off my chest.

I have spent the last week working on my dads attendance allowance claim, which I am posting today.

Things have took quite a turn this week, on Wednesday the police were called yet again by members of the public (2 public and 2 sainsburys workers) stating my dad was vulnerable and seen walking in the road going to sainsburys again and seemed very confused and wobbly on his legs, when he got there he told everyone he was going to buy to buy a car he wont let this car issue drop, and will not accept it at all.

So the police found him in sainsburys eating his breakfast and had a long chat with him and then took him back to his flat and emailed me with there concerns.

He has been reported to the mental health team again!

My dad also told me he had a lovely ride in a car on Tuesday and was with a complete stranger, no idea who he was, but he was a "lovely fellow" and did not ask him for any money, even though my dad offered. Thank god he clearly was a nice guy, whoever he was?

I lost it completely yesterday and rang adult social services, I was so bad on the phone they put me through to a senior social worker and I blubbed my eyes out over the phone for about an hour, telling him all about my dad over the last 16 months, since my mum died.

Anyway he wants to now send out a social worker to assess my dad and wants me present (not too keen on that) so we will devise a plan where I appear after they have arrived.

He advised they will assess his capacity as he is refusing any help and still thinks he is perfectly fine. I dont know what else to do..........I cried so much as I feel I have let my dad down and hate going behind his back, but even I have to now admit he needs help

I got the carer "cleaner" in on Tuesday and he thew her out after 45 minutes as he told her he was busy and was off to buy a car.

The social worker fellow said it may be a case of getting dad in under the mental health act if they feel he needs it as dad refuses to accept he needs help (I just dont think dad realises how bad he is)

I have also written to the mental health team again since they last seen him in Jan this year and we are going to meet up again and put dad back under the mental health team services.

I am off to see my dad now and take him out, sort his laundry etc etc. And a nice drive in the car, he loves cars

Anyway hope you all have a lovely day, and thanks to anyone that reads or posts.

I still cant believe I have got to this point, I know I have to do what he "needs" and not what he "wants" anymore

I wish I could make him happy, but I cant, his life ended when my mum died last year.

I wish he would let me help him, I wish he would let me get carers in, I wish he recognised he was ill..........

All of you that suffer this battle every day, I take my hat off to you all and much respect to those caring and to those suffering this illness.

Regards
Angie

 

[Perfectdaughter]

Would your dad go swimming? Mine used to go every morning - and that kept him clean! And fit.

You probably don't want him on any kind of wheels but after my dad wrote his car off (while parking it...) I suggested he get a mobility scooter - to my surprise he was keen "I used to ride a motor bike". And it enabled him to get to the local shop and swimming pool.

I salute your efforts. Your dad is lucky to have you! I too have had to watch my father go downhill after my mother died; he was adamant that everything was fine and he didn't need a cleaner or any help in his house. He wouldn't even go to the doctor ("I don't want to go bothering him.") After some nagging I managed to introduce a cleaner and someone to call in every other day to check he had taken his medications. Crunch came when he fell and broke his hip last summer; the hospital (voice of authority) spoke to us both about the 'care package' necessary before he could go home, and at that point my father had to give in. Now he has 24 hour live in care.

 

[Angie1996]

Would your dad go swimming? Mine used to go every morning - and that kept him clean! And fit.

You probably don't want him on any kind of wheels but after my dad wrote his car off (while parking it...) I suggested he get a mobility scooter - to my surprise he was keen "I used to ride a motor bike". And it enabled him to get to the local shop and swimming pool.

I salute your efforts. Your dad is lucky to have you! I too have had to watch my father go downhill after my mother died; he was adamant that everything was fine and he didn't need a cleaner or any help in his house. He wouldn't even go to the doctor ("I don't want to go bothering him.") After some nagging I managed to introduce a cleaner and someone to call in every other day to check he had taken his medications. Crunch came when he fell and broke his hip last summer; the hospital (voice of authority) spoke to us both about the 'care package' necessary before he could go home, and at that point my father had to give in. Now he has 24 hour live in care.

Hi perfect daughter, yes I tried getting him to go swimming but he wont entertain it. I have took him to the mobility shop and have tried to coax him for months about the mobility scooter, and he flat refuses this as well!

He is one stubborn fellow and just went on all day today about being fine and wanting to get a car and going back to Sidmouth as he hates it here. I cannot get this fellow to be happy no matter what I do!

 

[canary]

Hi Angie
So sad about the way things have developed. He is never going to admit that he needs help as he has anosognosia which is a symptom of dementia and basically means that he is medically unable to comprehend that there is anything wrong - yes, he thinks he is fine
It does sound to me as though he has reached the stage of needing 24/7 care which in his case probably means a care home. Have you been able to look around at care homes to decide where you would like him to go? I hope the capacity assessment goes well.
(((hugs))))

 

[Angie1996]

Hi Angie
So sad about the way things have developed. He is never going to admit that he needs help as he has anosognosia which is a symptom of dementia and basically means that he is medically unable to comprehend that there is anything wrong - yes, he thinks he is fine
It does sound to me as though he has reached the stage of needing 24/7 care which in his case probably means a care home. Have you been able to look around at care homes to decide where you would like him to go? I hope the capacity assessment goes well.
(((hugs))))

Thanks canary no have not even looked at any of that yet, I suppose I will wait and see what social service advise as I have no idea how to handle this.....

I must google what you said he has, as I have never heard of that, so thanks so much for that advice

Took him out today and he was telling me about my mums body being in a tube when she died, as the hospital has no room, so stuffs the bodies in tubes there were loads of bodies in tubes ... Wow I said how on earth did you come to that conclusion and he said I seen it myself! He would not have it, that I said this was not the case.

He also now tells me he seen hitler when he was alive and they burnt him to death, I said now way you were 7 when hitler died, he said I was there I am telling you I know what I am talking about

He has been telling me these 2 stories for 2 weeks now....

I still can't get my head around how weird this illness is

He toddles along, enjoys his day out, but states the most bizarre things and wholeheartedly believes it

 

[Perfectdaughter]

He is one stubborn fellow and just went on all day today about being fine and wanting to get a car and going back to Sidmouth as he hates it here. I cannot get this fellow to be happy no matter what I do!

If he is anything like my father, that stubbornness is probably what has kept him going since your mother died. As for happiness, I have to remind myself daily that it is not my fault (nor his) if my father cannot be happy in his current state, and that I have done all I can to keep him safe and at home. I wish there were more support out there but the health services are so stretched, it's left to the carers.

 

[Angie1996]

If he is anything like my father, that stubbornness is probably what has kept him going since your mother died. As for happiness, I have to remind myself daily that it is not my fault (nor his) if my father cannot be happy in his current state, and that I have done all I can to keep him safe and at home. I wish there were more support out there but the health services are so stretched, it's left to the carers.

Thanks perfectdaughter, yes your right, he's a stubborn old bulldog!! he dies make me laugh sometimes, I liked Canarys comments about them not even realising they are ill, had a good google and its a real condition, and I wonder if he really does have this, as he is adamant he is perfectly fine and he truly believes he is bless him..

And yes no support, probably why I lost it in the week as feel so alone and abandoned....

 

[canary]

Took him out today and he was telling me about my mums body being in a tube when she died, as the hospital has no room, so stuffs the bodies in tubes there were loads of bodies in tubes ... Wow I said how on earth did you come to that conclusion and he said I seen it myself! He would not have it, that I said this was not the case.

He also now tells me he seen hitler when he was alive and they burnt him to death, I said now way you were 7 when hitler died, he said I was there I am telling you I know what I am talking about

He has been telling me these 2 stories for 2 weeks now....

I still can't get my head around how weird this illness is

He toddles along, enjoys his day out, but states the most bizarre things and wholeheartedly believes it

Stories like this are absolutely typical of dementia. Mum told me quite seriously that the queen came to tea (I think it was triggered by all the talk of street parties) and there is a lady at mums CH who is convinced that she and mum have been friends since they were children, went to school together and worked in the same place. She tells all these stories about what they used to get up to and mum giggles and agrees. In reality, they only met a few months ago in the care home! Its called confabulation and they really, truly think that the stories are true. It because the brain is trying to fill in the gaps in the memory.
Unless the confabulations are distressing them its best to go along with it. I usually make non-committal noises like "Really?" or "I would like to have seen that!" If its distressing them then try distracting them by talking about something else, getting them to "help" you with something, offering a cup of tea and piece of cake, or whatever else works. Dont try and correct them or argue with them as it will just annoy them and make them angry - because, you see they know that they are right.

 

[Angie1996]

Stories like this are absolutely typical of dementia. Mum told me quite seriously that the queen came to tea (I think it was triggered by all the talk of street parties) and there is a lady at mums CH who is convinced that she and mum have been friends since they were children, went to school together and worked in the same place. She tells all these stories about what they used to get up to and mum giggles and agrees. In reality, they only met a few months ago in the care home! Its called confabulation and they really, truly think that the stories are true. It because the brain is trying to fill in the gaps in the memory.
Unless the confabulations are distressing them its best to go along with it. I usually make non-committal noises like "Really?" or "I would like to have seen that!" If its distressing them then try distracting them by talking about something else, getting them to "help" you with something, offering a cup of tea and piece of cake, or whatever else works. Dont try and correct them or argue with them as it will just annoy them and make them angry - because, you see they know that they are right.

thanks Canary getting a few lessons now never heard of this either, I am such a novice compared to a lot of you guys, who are further down the road

 

[Amy in the US]

Angie, hello and a late welcome to TP. I'm so sorry to hear of all your difficulties caring for your dad. It's very challenging. I hope you will find good advice and support here. Your posts are very moving.

I'm late to your thread and am not sure I've read it carefully, but has anyone posted you a link to the compassionate communication techniques? They don't work for everyone and they don't work all the time, but it is something to try.

I also find it's a helpful reminder that the person with dementia (PWD) isn't deliberately lying or making things up; their brains are ill, their "reasoner is broken" (a quote I read somewhere), and they can't understand or follow logic. What they experience is 100% real to them, even though it's not reality.

Believe me, even if you've been doing this for a long time, that can be difficult to remember in the day-to-day. And of course it all depends on the person. (My mother was never much for logical or reasonable thinking before the Alzheimer's.)

I see someone has told you about anosognosia (fancy medical term to say that a PWD can't understand that they have dementia). Other terms you might run across here on TP are:

delusions--a delusion is a false, fixed belief, a very common occurrence with all types of dementia. Examples of delusions could be, they are stealing my socks, the nurses are trying to poison me, I had lunch with the Queen. (Stealing and poisoning and other types of "harm" are common delusions.) Generally there is no point in arguing or challenging delusions, as this tends to make the PWD upset. Instead, try an understanding reaction, followed by reassurance and distraction (when possible). Example: tell me about your socks? They are being stolen? Oh, my, that's terrible (with much empathy in tone of voice and body language). How upsetting that must be for you. Nobody would want that. I tell you what I will do, I will look into that for you. I will look into that and let you know what I find out. I'm a bit hungry, I think I'll get a cup of tea and a biscuit. What sort of biscuit would you like? It doesn't always work, and you have to sort of experiment a bit to see what is helpful, but sometimes it can help.

confabulation--what the PWD does, to try to make sense of the world around them, so often taking bits from reality, bits from memory, and filling in the gaps. It's like writing a story or building a narrative to explain what's going on. For example, my mother now lives in a care home. She has Alzheimer's and no short term memory. I'm not always sure she knows where she is, in reality. She will often say of the other residents, oh, HER, I've known HER for years, we worked together at (name of place where my mother worked many years ago) and now we eat lunch together sometimes. My mother knows these people are familiar but can't place them (as the ladies she eats meals with every day, in reality), so she comes up with something that makes sense to her right now.

hallucination--when the PWD experiences something sensory that isn't there (generally sight or hearing but could be anything, or a combination). Common hallucinations include seeing and/or hearing people who aren't there, or hearing music. If it's not frightening, it's best to leave it alone. There are also lots of other sensory problems that come with dementia (which has to do with the brain not being able to properly process the information it receives).

There is a lot of very good information about the different types of dementia, and advice about caring for a person with dementia, on the Alzheimer's UK website. When you have time, you might have a look. Some pages to get you started:

General info on dementia https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=106

Caring for a person with dementia https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200343

Communication https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=130

I don't mean to overwhelm you, we all have to go at our own pace. It's a steep learning curve but some information can be helpful. It can also be reassuring to know you're not the only one experiencing something in particular.

I hope you can find some support, and hope others here have posted about getting assessments and all that (I leave that to the UK members as I'm in the States and our systems are so different.) Please do reach out for support, whether it's carers or a support group or a carers cafe or respite care or whatever. It's not possible to do it all on your own indefinitely without harming yourself. I've learnt that much from TP!

Hope you find some helpful advice and please do keep posting. Very best wishes to you and your dad.

 

[Jbob]

Angie1996

I think you are fantastic supporting your Dad as you are. His situation sounds so much lije my own father. He is still in denial about his AD. He was diagnosed with EOAD aged 62 17 months ago.
He hated the fact he couldn't drive anymore but he got lost on his way home and was becoming unsafe. He too was a driving instructor and has spent most of his life doung various driving jobs. I think that is what really got to him.
He suffered a uti in April and wandered and was hospitalised. Since then his dementia has deteriorated so quickly that he is now in a CH awaiting a SS care assessment to see what happens longer term.
I wish we could have him home as it breaks my heart to know he will never come home. I know he is not safe and is vulnerable. The outside world scares him now and he can't do anything for himself.
I wish you and your Dad well and enjoy Father's day tomorrow with him. Although he is here still with us I miss him everyday.
Look after yourself as well as your Dad.
Jess x

 

[Angie1996]

Angie, hello and a late welcome to TP. I'm so sorry to hear of all your difficulties caring for your dad. It's very challenging. I hope you will find good advice and support here. Your posts are very moving.

I'm late to your thread and am not sure I've read it carefully, but has anyone posted you a link to the compassionate communication techniques? They don't work for everyone and they don't work all the time, but it is something to try.

I also find it's a helpful reminder that the person with dementia (PWD) isn't deliberately lying or making things up; their brains are ill, their "reasoner is broken" (a quote I read somewhere), and they can't understand or follow logic. What they experience is 100% real to them, even though it's not reality.

Believe me, even if you've been doing this for a long time, that can be difficult to remember in the day-to-day. And of course it all depends on the person. (My mother was never much for logical or reasonable thinking before the Alzheimer's.)

I see someone has told you about anosognosia (fancy medical term to say that a PWD can't understand that they have dementia). Other terms you might run across here on TP are:

delusions--a delusion is a false, fixed belief, a very common occurrence with all types of dementia. Examples of delusions could be, they are stealing my socks, the nurses are trying to poison me, I had lunch with the Queen. (Stealing and poisoning and other types of "harm" are common delusions.) Generally there is no point in arguing or challenging delusions, as this tends to make the PWD upset. Instead, try an understanding reaction, followed by reassurance and distraction (when possible). Example: tell me about your socks? They are being stolen? Oh, my, that's terrible (with much empathy in tone of voice and body language). How upsetting that must be for you. Nobody would want that. I tell you what I will do, I will look into that for you. I will look into that and let you know what I find out. I'm a bit hungry, I think I'll get a cup of tea and a biscuit. What sort of biscuit would you like? It doesn't always work, and you have to sort of experiment a bit to see what is helpful, but sometimes it can help.

confabulation--what the PWD does, to try to make sense of the world around them, so often taking bits from reality, bits from memory, and filling in the gaps. It's like writing a story or building a narrative to explain what's going on. For example, my mother now lives in a care home. She has Alzheimer's and no short term memory. I'm not always sure she knows where she is, in reality. She will often say of the other residents, oh, HER, I've known HER for years, we worked together at (name of place where my mother worked many years ago) and now we eat lunch together sometimes. My mother knows these people are familiar but can't place them (as the ladies she eats meals with every day, in reality), so she comes up with something that makes sense to her right now.

hallucination--when the PWD experiences something sensory that isn't there (generally sight or hearing but could be anything, or a combination). Common hallucinations include seeing and/or hearing people who aren't there, or hearing music. If it's not frightening, it's best to leave it alone. There are also lots of other sensory problems that come with dementia (which has to do with the brain not being able to properly process the information it receives).

There is a lot of very good information about the different types of dementia, and advice about caring for a person with dementia, on the Alzheimer's UK website. When you have time, you might have a look. Some pages to get you started:

General info on dementia https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=106

Caring for a person with dementia https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents.php?categoryID=200343

Communication https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=130

I don't mean to overwhelm you, we all have to go at our own pace. It's a steep learning curve but some information can be helpful. It can also be reassuring to know you're not the only one experiencing something in particular.

I hope you can find some support, and hope others here have posted about getting assessments and all that (I leave that to the UK members as I'm in the States and our systems are so different.) Please do reach out for support, whether it's carers or a support group or a carers cafe or respite care or whatever. It's not possible to do it all on your own indefinitely without harming yourself. I've learnt that much from TP!

Hope you find some helpful advice and please do keep posting. Very best wishes to you and your dad.

Hi Amy in the US thanks for your fantastic post, I have read the communication one before and a lot of the other items.

Everything you describe is exactly what he does, but I dont know why but I keep correcting him a lot of the times to try and bring him back to the "real world". By reading this now, I am probably wasting my time! . He does not get upset, however his face is very serious and he really believes these things are real, and they just come out of nowhere and he talks about them a lot through stages, the hitler and my mums body is the current theme.

If you ever met him, you would think he was quite normal, everytime I talk to him I think I have overreacted by calling social services, but when he sits there and tells me his thoughts with such passion, I just look at him and think "wow" he is really.... bad....

Its so sad for him, I wish I could fix him and get him back to 16 months ago, but I know I am losing him bit by bit, each week I see the decline.......

 

[Angie1996]

Angie1996

I think you are fantastic supporting your Dad as you are. His situation sounds so much lije my own father. He is still in denial about his AD. He was diagnosed with EOAD aged 62 17 months ago.
He hated the fact he couldn't drive anymore but he got lost on his way home and was becoming unsafe. He too was a driving instructor and has spent most of his life doung various driving jobs. I think that is what really got to him.
He suffered a uti in April and wandered and was hospitalised. Since then his dementia has deteriorated so quickly that he is now in a CH awaiting a SS care assessment to see what happens longer term.
I wish we could have him home as it breaks my heart to know he will never come home. I know he is not safe and is vulnerable. The outside world scares him now and he can't do anything for himself.
I wish you and your Dad well and enjoy Father's day tomorrow with him. Although he is here still with us I miss him everyday.
Look after yourself as well as your Dad.
Jess x

thank you so much for your kind words Jbob wow your dad is so young!!! how so very sad for you and sad for him. I bet you get so sad seeing him like it. If only we could turn back time .

When we get in my car each week, each week he walks to the driver side as he forgets, then when he puts his seatbelt on he reaches for the right side, instead of the left, he just naturally goes though the motions every time as if he is going to drive. When he got in the car yesterday, he hesitated and looked at me for a second and said I must not forget to pick up my car later, he was completely believable and really thought he has just parked it around the corner and was just having a ride in my car.

To lose his car was the final straw for him.

He still has no fear and walks all over the place, hence why people keep reporting him! You cant keep the man still I love it, he's such a fighter!

I wish you well with your dad, so young, poor fellow life is so cruel!!!

 

[Jbob]

thank you so much for your kind words Jbob wow your dad is so young!!! how so very sad for you and sad for him. I bet you get so sad seeing him like it. If only we could turn back time .

When we get in my car each week, each week he walks to the driver side as he forgets, then when he puts his seatbelt on he reaches for the right side, instead of the left, he just naturally goes though the motions every time as if he is going to drive. When he got in the car yesterday, he hesitated and looked at me for a second and said I must not forget to pick up my car later, he was completely believable and really thought he has just parked it around the corner and was just having a ride in my car.

To lose his car was the final straw for him.

He still has no fear and walks all over the place, hence why people keep reporting him! You cant keep the man still I love it, he's such a fighter!

I wish you well with your dad, so young, poor fellow life is so cruel!!!

Oh your Dad and my Dad sound just the same. I understand how people think he looks 'normal' especially as my Dadis still younger than most!
My Dad struggles when out in the real world I too wish we could go back so we could talk about the future. I hope we made the right choices for my Dad but you never know what he's really thinking.
Keep in touch about how your Dad is doing. ☺