My chain smoking mum

[Awe1]

My mum was diagnosed with alzheimers a few years back. She is on medication to stabilize this and its been helping her until this year. At the beginning of the year my dad died of lung cancer and now my mum has all but given up.

One of the things I am struggling with is her chain smoking. Firstly because of the health implications but secondly for a more selfish reason. I am an only child and therefore there is no other carer for her. I hate going into her house as she is sitting in a big puff of smoke all the time. When she comes into my house, she is smelling really badly of the cigarettes. We are together most of the time...no-one else likes to visit due to the house being so smoky.

I'm exhausted and I want my mum back

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Awe1

I’m sorry to read of your dad’s death. It must make things doubly difficult for you. I’d hate the smoking too but don’t know what to suggest to reduce it unless distraction might work.

I know others have had problems with their PWD smoking continuously so perhaps someone will come along with a suggestion soon.

In the meantime feel free to vent whenever you need

 

[MartinWL]

Unfortunately it seems unlikely that your mum will voluntarily give up smoking, we all know that rationality fails to convince a person with dementia. Probably all you can do is open the windows for now. However I can see more trouble ahead. If she needs to go into a care home, they probably won't allow smoking. Her addiction may be difficult to manage and you will need medical advice on how to control this.

In the short term there is a significant danger of fire. Smokers' materials used to be a leading cause of house fires, and we all know that dementia patients often leave things lying around carelessly. The combination of dementia and matches, lighters, cigarettes etc is a dangerous combination. She may need residential care earlier that would otherwise be necessary simply to keep her safe. Has the house got a comprehensive fire detection and alarm system?

Unfortunately you have an extremely difficult problem to manage here, I don't have answers, maybe others will have ideas.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Awe1
a warm welcome to DTP
my condolences on the loss of your dad, that will have hit you and your mum very hard
it may be that your dad was managing to cover the problems your mum is having, and it's tough taking over from a husband who was there all the time

your mum's heavy smoking is such a worry for you

you say you are the only one to care for your mum, and maybe that's true as far as loving her ... however, you do not have to provide hands on cars alone ... contact her Local Authority Adult Services and request an urgent assessment of her care needs, making clear her full time carer, your dad, has died so she is now on her own and you are not in a position to be with her (I appreciate that you will do whatever you can BUT Social Services are likely to leave you to get on with it if they have the idea that you can take over care) ... tell them about the smoking, that she is a 'vulnerable adult' who is 'at risk of harm' due to the dangers around her smoking, and that her dementia means that she doesn't understand those dangers

are you able to contact her GP and discuss your concerns about her smoking ... they may have contacts that can help you with ideas

and just to mention, if LPAs aren't already in place and you can help your mum arrange these, it will make helping her in the future more straight forward

Make, register or end a lasting power of attorney

How to make a lasting power of attorney (LPA): starting an application online, choosing an attorney, certifying a copy, changing an LPA.

www.gov.uk

now you've joined us, do keep posting with whatever is on your mind

 

[TinaA]

I feel your pain. My mum lives with myself and my husband in an little annex attached to my house. gave up smoking at least12 years ago but started secretly (we could smell it) began smoking in her bathroom about 2 years ago, then all of a sudden she began smoking outside in the back garden as if she always had. She has been diagnosed recently with vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s although we noticed symptoms at the beginning of the first lockdown. She now says she has always smoked and has never given up. She has increased her smoking over time and now the sun is out she is smoking 25+ cigarettes a day . The most I have seen is 34 and often 20 in a 3 hr period. My dad also passed away of lung cancer and liver cancer in September last year and I can see my mum following the same path. It has been suggested that patches may help but I don’t think that it is the addiction to nicotine that is driving her to smoke but she is forgetting that she has just had one.
We do have carers 5 days a week but mum doesn’t want them and refuses any support from there and barely any from me. I will be following your post closely for any help from others. Hope things improve for you and your mum soon.