I moved my mum to a new care home on Sunday, I initally had her in a care home for 3 1/2 months respite, as my Dad went into hospital in November had a high leg amputation and only recently came out. During the time my Dad was in hospital we managed to keep my mum off alcohol while in respite long enough to get a diagnosis of alcohol induced dementia with Probable Alzheimers. The last year has been awful because I could see my mum s memory was really failing which resulted in her having lots of brandy becasue she forgot she had had some then Got addicted, although of course. She said I was lying when I tried to speak to her about it, showing her the numerous empty bottles was not evidence enough. However abstinence has not improved her memory which was expected. I moved my parents to my home town 5 years ago, because they lived away from all the family and my Dad was having lots of health issues and my mum was trying to cope, even back then some friends were saying her memory was not as good and I feel guilty now as I think the move probably made matters worse. I ended up looking after both of my parents. My mum by the way is my step mum and she has 2 sons older than me I ALos have 2 older sisters, all live away and all but one sister do not want to get involved, the one sister lives too far away and does not have enough money to visit but she supports me with phone calls. I also have a very demanding job which pays the mortgage on my home and the bungalow I purchased for my parents and I am now really struggling. With Dad in hospital for so long mum went down hill rapidly and it became apparent that once my Dad did come home ina wheelchair they would not cope well together, even social services recmmmended I keep mum where she is while my dad learnt how to cope with life in a wheelchair, he in fact has done OK but even he made the heartbreaking decision that bringin mum home would be very difficult. So we found a home that we liked and that we knew would take social services funding when our money runs out which we know it will. My Brother (step) said to me last night, is there no way she can go back home? This was after I told him their money would run out in a year , he as horrified and asked if I would move quite a lot of the money into his bank account (sigh) I said no that cannot be done, he then pursued me with why had I put HIS mum into the care home and left my dad at home, so I now have had a sleepless night ( one of many) that although I tried to keep all my siblings up to date ( they never phoned me) and it has always been me that has looked after my parents and now both in two entirely different circumstances, the mental and physical toll it is having on me is immense, I feel guilty and now am starting to think I have made a big mistake and that I have been selfish especially as my mum is one of the better residents in her new home! She herself asks everyday why she can't go home when dad comes to visit, but after he has gone she settles down quickly and enjoys the company and food! She even gets a glass of red juice which she proclaims is the best wine she has ever had. Nobody in the medical world said I should out mum permanently in a care home but life before dad went into hospital was a series of falls, some alcohol induced, not eating being unwell and doing dangerous things like putting things in the oven and leaving them in there until cremated, once I came round and the oven on (gas) but it was not lit. Hygiene was really poor and they both looked in ill health. The very happy cat was fed about 10 times a day becasue she had forgotten she had fed her! I even turned up one day to take them out for lunch and she sold she was ready, she was wearing her underwear shoes and popsocks, that was it. So being the one who is seeing them both on a daily basis and dealing with the many crisis in their lives I could see that things were not right but my Brother has made me now doubt it all and I wonder now whether I have made the right decisions.