My Brother Has Received The Grant Of Probate

[lemonbalm]

Good morning @MaNaAk. I hope the clearing goes well tomorrow and that younger brother is helpful.

No harm in e-mailing your older brother reminding him of your budget so he can scout about and see what's available. Let him do a bit of work on your behalf!

 

[MaNaAk]

Looks like my youngest brother is coming this morning instead.

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

you wont be worked up then

 

[Melles Belles]

Good point from @Jessbow. It will give him something to do to help when he can’t come to the house to help. And as she says you don’t have to buy anything he suggests but it will give you some idea. It’s possible that prices will fall next year as the stamp duty holiday and furlough end. Unemployment will rise and all these factors will suppress demand for property.

 

[MaNaAk]

Brother's just left and we haven't packed anything more but he is booking a charity shop to take some items to. He will let me know when he will take it and I can work towards this.

I did have to listen to him talking my behaviour and I tried to say that I had got rid of rubbish and done a lot of shredding but it didn't get me anywhere. I tried to mention that some items have a lot of sentimental value but I am still thought of as not thinking of other people and I am not going to change things. Neither am I going to change his idea of me putting dad in a council run care home in order to stay here so it's best for me to do what I can when they're not around as well.

I mustn't that they work and apparently I don't they also have partners to look after them and they're houses.

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

at least the visit is over. take the rest with a pinch of salt. enjoy the rest of your day

 

[MaNaAk]

at least the visit is over. take the rest with a pinch of salt. enjoy the rest of your day

And good luck with the interview @jennifer1967. You are right some people won't change.

MaNaAk

 

[MaNaAk]

I also got one or two things out in the open by saying that I had trouble getting in contact with him after the stressful phone calls.

MaNaAk

 

[lemonbalm]

Best to put on some good music and crack on with it yourself @MaNaAk so you don't have to have too much contact with him. Have some fish and chips with that pinch of salt @jennifer1967 recommends.

 

[jennifer1967]

thankyou MaNaAk its actually Carers Rights Day today and im all sorted. psychologically and physically smartened myself up and put some music on. have4 my follow up appt for pain today as well so its all going on today

 

[MaNaAk]

thankyou MaNaAk its actually Carers Rights Day today and im all sorted. psychologically and physically smartened myself up and put some music on. have4 my follow up appt for pain today as well so its all going on today

Good luck

MaNaAk

 

[MaNaAk]

Best to put on some good music and crack on with it yourself @MaNaAk so you don't have to have too much contact with him. Have some fish and chips with that pinch of salt @jennifer1967 recommends.

Yesterday's chips were fantastic.

MaNaAk

 

[Canadian Joanne]

@MaNaAk aren't chips always fantastic? More than once I have had a big plate of chips for my evening meal. This is when I really don't feel like cooking. And I do wish they would come up with research that says chips are essential for good health.

Just keep going - in some ways it might be better if you do the clearing and not have your brothers involved. That way, you can sort things properly.

 

[MaNaAk]

Thankyou @CanadianJoanne.

My brother is coming on Monday morning to pack some boxes for the charity to collect. I think I've done quite well with this eventhough it is affecting my health.

MaNaAk

 

[MaNaAk]

Update. My brother has offered to pay the charity for the first collection of the books and I can pay next time.

MaNaAk

 

[jennifer1967]

thats nice any negotiating involved?

 

[nita]

Don't some charities offer free collection? Or perhaps you want to give to a particular one. I know Oxfam took away piles of books for me but that was some years ago. I think they may be having storage problems now with everyone having a clear out!

 

[love.dad.but..]

Update. My brother has offered to pay the charity for the first collection of the books and I can pay next time.

MaNaAk

It obviously has to be paid for at the time of collection but I suggest you each keep a record of expenses during the clearing process, if you need a skip, any house sale administration costs etc and settle each person from the estate house sale proceeds, as you will be doing with final utility bills etc before the residue is distributed between the 3 of you when absolutely everything outstanding has been paid for and settled. If there is an individual substantial expense such as a skip perhaps your executor brother can settle this from the executor account directly if your dad had funds that have been gathered in already or from presenting probate.This way no one sibling is taking the brunt of paying expenses which are then fairly shared regardless of who does or arranges what.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I have been reading all your posts.Aiming for putting the house on the market by 1 Feb is reasonable and achievable, I have cleared by father in law's house and my own dad's. Obviously you have the added emotional element of it being your home and having to look for another but it is likely that it may take a while to sell as the stamp duty holiday finishes in March which has attracted sales, so you only have to have the house 'view ready' you can continue to sort and clear during the selling process and a final push as you near exchange towards completion. Hopefully if you get a quick sale and have found a property in the New Year you may be able to move some of your things there as you sort. Anything your brothers and you agree that they should have, they should take at each sorting.
It may seem daunting for you but if you are methodical. determined and focussed you will be surprised how quickly you can get it done even with your teaching job. It is annoying that the brothers may not help much, I have been in that situation, but just let it all go over your head, be concerned only with the things you can influence or change...just keep the end goal in view.
Your brothers will not change and it is not helpful for you to keep worrying about what has been said or how little they have done in the past, I speak from a situation with 2 sisters where dad's care, decisions and house were left to me to sort. From now on be assertive and civil. don't give them opportunity to rake over their thoughts about you or the past...your care for dad, decisions or anything... when they visit or email, let the brother look for houses for you if he wants, you don't have to take up his suggestions but you do need to start looking and viewing for yourself...online initially if necessary during this time. It strikes me from all your posts that your brothers have a direct and blunt manner which lacks expression of empathy and if they have always been like that to you, doubt they will or want to change. Time to take a deep breath and look forward to having your own place with no interference.

 

[MaNaAk]

Thankyou this is exactly what I thought.

MaNaAk