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My Beautiful Lady

annh

Registered User
Aug 24, 2005
1
Manchester
This is what my dad calls my mum who was diagnosed with Alzheimers 6 yrs ago. We're pretty sure she has now entered the 6th stage of the disease and dad is finding it increasingly difficult to care for her.

He asked me to help him sort through her clothes on Monday because she basically hasn't had a clear out for about 10 years and they were begining to over run the bedroom. All the while we told ourselves we were doing this to make life simpler and less cluttered for both mum and dad it fealt like a huge betrayal.

There were wedding outfits there that she had had made and clothes that she had bought when we had gone shopping together and we just stuffed them in a bag. Many of these things represented some truly fine days of her life and we just stuffed them in a bag.

Alzheimers is a cruel disease that forces relatives to greive a little every day although my dad tried everyday for at least one genuine laugh and he generally succeeded. We are finding it hard to cope with this stage of mums disease her personality is changing and she is becoming increasingly angry and upset.

Has anyone else fealt this way? Like you are betraying your loved one by sorting through their things and guilty because you have accepted a day care place or respite week for them? It also upsets me that my mum who always took care of her appearance now has to rely on others. I'm mortified for her because I know she can't be for herself! I'm confused, I'm upset and I'm trying to support my dad and explain things to my children.
 

angela.robinson

Registered User
Dec 27, 2004
520
78
HI ANNH .WELCOME FROM A FELLOW MANCUNION, yes ,i think everyone here has feelings of despair ,sadness ,guilt betrayal ,the list goes on and on ,but it is something we cope with most of the time ,even though sometimes it feels like we are playing God ,making every decision for our loved ones and not knowing if it is what they want ,,as long as we know we are truly doing everything we can in there best intrest,we can carry on .it is lovely that your dad tries so hard to get you mum to laugh ,it is said to be the best medicen .ANGELA
 

Norman

Registered User
Oct 9, 2003
4,348
Birmingham Hades
I do know all these feelings.
After looking after my wife for 7 years now with AD.
I feel guilty for treating her like a child at times.I feel guilty giving her instructions which come over more like orders.
The clothes and the wardrobe are another guilt issue!I feel that I am intruding into my wife's personal things,I try too ease the guilt feeling when helping her to dress by getting her to decide what she wishes to wear,not what I impose upon her.
It all comes right when in one of her more lucid perods she says"What would I do without you"the guilt vanishes for a while.
Norman
 

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