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My auntie wont let me or my family see my Grandmother - Advice needed!!

lola95

New member
Feb 17, 2020
1
Hi,
My family and I have an ongoing issue with my auntie because she wont allow anyone from the family see my grannie bar 4 people. She moved in with my grannie about 6 years ago when my Grandfather died because her landlord wanted to move back into the house she was renting and it was suppose to be temporary because my granny didn't really want her their because she is extremely difficult but said it would be ok for a while. My grandmother as always been in perfect health and has always knew what is going on, but in the past year she has had two very bad falls and it is very apparent that her mental health has gone downhill.... We are all nearly certain she has dementia because her memory has pretty much gone, she doesn't remember who we are and is in creditably confused and will drift off mid sentence..... We had a blow up with my auntie at my grannies birthday last year and since then we have all been banned from seeing her. My auntie has assaulted a few of us on numerous occasions but last time we saw her, we had to phone the police on her. Because of my grannies mental health has gone down hill she has told my grannie different stories of events even though my granny was there and my granny believes her accounts to be true (even though they aren't). We have contacted social services and had a sit down meeting and they made us feel like our concerns were being heard and made it clear that this is a very high concern case for them, but nothing was done. A health check was suppose to be done by the doctor to see if my granny has dementia and the social worker hasn't done this and has decided to appoint herself as my grannies doctor and said there is nothing wrong with her... My cousins wife works within the same carer team as my grannies carers and has been made aware that carers have put in numerous complaints about my auntie (some have refused to enter the house) but the social workers haven't past any complaints on to us and have denied the claims. My mother owns my grannies house and my auntie has convinced my granny that my mum wants to kick her out and that she wants the house to herself (which isn't true at all!!!!) Does anyone have any information on how we can get my granny tested for dementia because my auntie wont do it and neither will the social workers!!!!
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,457
N Ireland
That's a complicated situation and I can understand that there may be considerable distress. You have come to the right place for support.

I was going to suggest involving Social Services but as this has already been doe may I suggest talking to the experts on the helpline, details as follows

National Dementia Helpline

0300 222 11 22

Our helpline advisers are here for you.

Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday10am – 4pm
 

Hazara8

Registered User
Apr 6, 2015
418
Hi,
My family and I have an ongoing issue with my auntie because she wont allow anyone from the family see my grannie bar 4 people. She moved in with my grannie about 6 years ago when my Grandfather died because her landlord wanted to move back into the house she was renting and it was suppose to be temporary because my granny didn't really want her their because she is extremely difficult but said it would be ok for a while. My grandmother as always been in perfect health and has always knew what is going on, but in the past year she has had two very bad falls and it is very apparent that her mental health has gone downhill.... We are all nearly certain she has dementia because her memory has pretty much gone, she doesn't remember who we are and is in creditably confused and will drift off mid sentence..... We had a blow up with my auntie at my grannies birthday last year and since then we have all been banned from seeing her. My auntie has assaulted a few of us on numerous occasions but last time we saw her, we had to phone the police on her. Because of my grannies mental health has gone down hill she has told my grannie different stories of events even though my granny was there and my granny believes her accounts to be true (even though they aren't). We have contacted social services and had a sit down meeting and they made us feel like our concerns were being heard and made it clear that this is a very high concern case for them, but nothing was done. A health check was suppose to be done by the doctor to see if my granny has dementia and the social worker hasn't done this and has decided to appoint herself as my grannies doctor and said there is nothing wrong with her... My cousins wife works within the same carer team as my grannies carers and has been made aware that carers have put in numerous complaints about my auntie (some have refused to enter the house) but the social workers haven't past any complaints on to us and have denied the claims. My mother owns my grannies house and my auntie has convinced my granny that my mum wants to kick her out and that she wants the house to herself (which isn't true at all!!!!) Does anyone have any information on how we can get my granny tested for dementia because my auntie wont do it and neither will the social workers!!!!
Your grandmother's GP should carry out an assessment. Social Services should provide Local Community Assessment. At the end of the day you do not want internal conundrums jeopardizing proper and appropriate care. The GP can often progress this. The Care Act governs much of the required support set down and to be acted upon. There are increasing demands on Support Services and Care per se is becoming precariously erratic it seems in addressing these real-life issues. Of course once diagnosis and assessment has been put in place and perhaps Power of Attorney, then at least one can focus on actual Care. None of this is easy and so very often requires stubborn and determined pressure from family members.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Hi,
My family and I have an ongoing issue with my auntie because she wont allow anyone from the family see my grannie bar 4 people. She moved in with my grannie about 6 years ago when my Grandfather died because her landlord wanted to move back into the house she was renting and it was suppose to be temporary because my granny didn't really want her their because she is extremely difficult but said it would be ok for a while. My grandmother as always been in perfect health and has always knew what is going on, but in the past year she has had two very bad falls and it is very apparent that her mental health has gone downhill.... We are all nearly certain she has dementia because her memory has pretty much gone, she doesn't remember who we are and is in creditably confused and will drift off mid sentence..... We had a blow up with my auntie at my grannies birthday last year and since then we have all been banned from seeing her. My auntie has assaulted a few of us on numerous occasions but last time we saw her, we had to phone the police on her. Because of my grannies mental health has gone down hill she has told my grannie different stories of events even though my granny was there and my granny believes her accounts to be true (even though they aren't). We have contacted social services and had a sit down meeting and they made us feel like our concerns were being heard and made it clear that this is a very high concern case for them, but nothing was done. A health check was suppose to be done by the doctor to see if my granny has dementia and the social worker hasn't done this and has decided to appoint herself as my grannies doctor and said there is nothing wrong with her... My cousins wife works within the same carer team as my grannies carers and has been made aware that carers have put in numerous complaints about my auntie (some have refused to enter the house) but the social workers haven't past any complaints on to us and have denied the claims. My mother owns my grannies house and my auntie has convinced my granny that my mum wants to kick her out and that she wants the house to herself (which isn't true at all!!!!) Does anyone have any information on how we can get my granny tested for dementia because my auntie wont do it and neither will the social workers!!!!
You really need to contact Adult Social Services & ask to speak to the Head of Social services, ( yes I have done this ! The thought is worse than the reality)
Please document everything & put it in writing - email is fantastic as you have an instant electronic trail.
Copy the GP / Social worker / Adult Social Services / Memory Clinic into the same email.
Believe me that really gets the whole process moving!!

As your Granny is at high risk as stated, I’d also contact your local MP - yes I’m not kidding your MP will back up your concerns & send a letter to the relevant bodies. ( I am in the process of this as my Dads experience of care in care home was unacceptable, but that’s another story & makes me sound like a jobsworth- which I truly am not!)

As you’ve called out the police there is a paper trail there.

The thought of all this can be overwhelming but in my experience I wish I’d done it all sooner

Good Luck
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