1. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    121
    If my husband doesn’t stop following me around, breathing down my neck all the time, I think I may murder him today!! Although in my defence I have had a very bad week. Last Friday the car broke down and I was stuck in the car with him for 4 hours waiting for the breakdown service, constantly asking whats happening why can’t we go home, every 2 minutes until I thought my head would explode!! Then on Tuesday the dog got ill with cystitis, so she thought she needed to wee every 10 minutes day & night until the antibiotics kicked in on Thursday. Friday I dragged hubby kicking and screaming to the doctors for a yearly meds review only to find I’d got the wrong day it’s next Friday!:eek: Add to that getting up at 5.30 every morning because he’s convinced it’s afternoon.
    Honestly I think even being in prison for murder would be better than this life!! :(
     
  2. annielou

    annielou Registered User

    Sep 27, 2019
    213
    Juror no 1 finds you not guilty. ;)
    What a week x
    mum follows me around and wants my attention all the time too and is constantly asking same things all the time and wakes up early, by lunchtime feel like I've been on it for days. :(
    X
     
  3. Olliebeak

    Olliebeak Registered User

    Sep 13, 2014
    73
    Buckinghamshire
    Definitely justifiable homicide!

    Seriously though - do you get a break from it all? X
     
  4. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    121
    Yes its a killer isn’t it! Whoops better stop using that word! people will be thinking I’m serious;)
     
  5. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    121
    No not a minute! He won’t let me out of his sight, I think that’s what gets to me most, if I could Just get out on my own occasionally I’d be a more patient carer, but of course he can’t see that!:(
     
  6. Sia

    Sia Registered User

    Nov 15, 2019
    10
    Is there a possibility of you booking an event for him, and that giving you some free time? E.g. a massage for him, or tickets for a comedy show?
     
  7. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,278
    Oh all sympathy! I did not sit down in the bath for four years because OH breathing down my neck and no way to relax. Just in, splash, out. Interestingly, I still do this although Keith has not lived with me for over a year and of course, has died now. God, I remember not even being able to be in the loo on my own. All sympathy. Kindredxx
     
  8. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    121
    Hi Sia , that would be brilliant if he would go, but he stopped wanting to socialise at all over a year a ago, I’ve tried everything but just refuses to go anywhere and gets really annoyed if I try to go anywhere either! I have to snatch moments to come on here because he’s watching me all the time wanting to know what I’m doing, it’s a wonder my posts make any sense at all!:confused:
     
  9. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    121
    Hi Kindred, thanks for the sympathy it really does help, so sorry for your loss, its tragic that that’s only end to their torment and ours although I suppose it’s not really an end to ours, because we’ll always wonder if we could have done more.Thank god for this forum! :)Xx
     
  10. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    121
    I don’t know how that quote got so mixed up but like I said it’s no surprising!:confused:
     
  11. Janie M

    Janie M Registered User

    Jun 12, 2018
    65
    @Fishgirl i could definatly be your cellmate. All I've heard is "what are we going to do. Are we going out? What are you doing?" Hate these dark nights and miserable weather. If we get out for a walk its moans about the cold, what the time is, and as soon as we get back the questions start again! Feel like I'm on a constant replay loop!
     
  12. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    112
    You have my sympathies Fishgirl, I know exactly what you mean, although perhaps my OH is not as bad as your husband (yet!), I get out to work part time and can take him to a care home day care for a few hours. I find if I'm tired it's more difficult to cope with the claustrophobia of having him glued to my side at home and the constant repetitive questions. What I find helps at home is if I put his music on in his study or find him a job like sweeping leaves in the garden, he does like to be busy, it's just increasingly difficult to find jobs that he can do. Mine wakes up early but can usually be persuaded to go to sleep eventually if I tell him it's still nighttime and to go to sleep!! Hope you have a better week this week.
     
  13. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    275
    Your husband sounds v similar to mine fishgirl, but I think I am just harder than you, I ignore him or tell him to go away and sit down when I am doing something and he is trailing after me. I often dont answer or tell him its nothing to do with him when I am playing on my phone for example! One wouldn't tolerate this intrusion from a husband without dementia so I dont think one should have to because they've got it.

    Mine also gets up very early some days, but I give him breakfast (cereal) help him to dress, put tthe TV on and go back to bed. Can you do this? A few weeks ago he'd bother me coming into my room but now I usually get back to sleep and I suspect he dozes off in the chair too, which helps though still exhausting to have broken sleep and sometimes I cant get back and have to nap in the day which irritates me as I feel I am losing daylight!:eek:
     
  14. Sia

    Sia Registered User

    Nov 15, 2019
    10
    I guess that means he is also not keen on activities specifically for dementia patients ... (Alzheimers org uk website has links for such activities.)

    How about vigorous exercise to make him sleepy? Then you can sneak out. :)
     
  15. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    121
    Well he’s finally got into bed, but as you all know that doesn’t mean peace and quiet, he’ll still keep shouting down asking me why I’m not in bed because it’s very late and dark outside! Then will come the not knowing where he is and shouldn’t we be going home.oh it’s all good fun isn’t it.

    JanieM...I’ll see you there...or maybe we could plead insanity and they can stick us a nice quiet mental institution!!o_O xx
    White Rose.....I took early retirement but soon got roped into minding youngest grandson while DIL went back to work,then when he didn’t need me anymore, we had about 3 good ( well good & bad) years before hubby was diagnosed with dementia, so now I feel like I’m childminding again except this baby isn’t going to grow up!:( xx
    Roseleigh.... You’re right I am too soft, I’ve always been anything for a quiet life, I’m definitely going to have to toughen up or I’ll go under! xx
    Sia.... He can’t even walk the dog with me without complaining of this new mysterious sciatica:rolleyes: xx
     
  16. Lladro

    Lladro Registered User

    May 1, 2019
    74
    Tell me about it! - Now I have to lock the loo door to stop the bursting in - usually a closed door would do it, but not anymore. Locked door still means lots pf pacing around outside on the landing and questions being fired through. There is actually no safe place in our house anymore - except when she is asleep - ah...bliss!
    How many years is it these days for "woman-slaughter"?
    Someone posted a while ago, which made me smile because it was funny, but so, so true - they said "divorce never - murder frequently" - Its always stuck with me that comment
     
  17. Fishgirl

    Fishgirl Registered User

    Sep 9, 2019
    121
    Yes I get a lot of pacing about on the landing if I try to have a nap in the afternoon, I could probably sleep through that but there’s a squeaky floorboard that drives me mad, so in the end I just give up or give in I should say.:mad:
     
  18. Roseleigh

    Roseleigh Registered User

    Dec 26, 2016
    275
    [QUOTE="White Rose, post: 1675783, member: 76950 What I find helps at home is if I put his music on in his study or find him a job like sweeping leaves in the garden, he does like to be busy, it's just increasingly difficult to find jobs that he can do.[/QUOTE]
    I too put on music and it will keep him happy for an hour or two. I use Youtube music streamed on the TV, and some of them are hours long so I will put one on when I go to the shops knowing he'll be enjoying himself till I get home.
    Its interesting you mention sweeping as I think this is a bit of an obsession with PWDs. Near our old house there was an elderly man living alone constantly out sweeping leaves outside his house, eventually presumably some relative turned up and I heard he'd been put in a care home. Also my SIL said his grandma was always sweeping the house, a year or two later she too was put in a care home with dementia.
     
  19. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    In spite, of your issues.....your writing of the situation made me laugh. The vision of us all being pushed to the edge of reason and giving into it! I have had days where I thought I would kill him and we would both be better off.
    We had an auto break down just before a tunnel a few years back. He kept getting out of the car while we waited for assistance. The lovely Swiss police eventually arrived and with authority told him he must stand away from the car off the road.He persisted and they said they would lock him in the police car! Before he simply would not listen to me, walking around the car and standing in the road with cars speeding by. It was terrifying . But I often look back on these times, when he put himself in dangerous circumstance and I think why did I intervene and express concern??? Perhaps I should have let things happen. He is rarely unsupervised now.....super fit physically so in very little risk of him leaving this world.for a very long time....I am half in jest!
     
  20. White Rose

    White Rose Registered User

    Nov 4, 2018
    112
    Since everyone is being so honest in this post I had better admit that it did cross my mind to stop giving him such healthy food and go for lots of fatty stuff to fatten him up and increase the chance of heart attack!! But then I'd probably be piling on the pounds instead of him, so no we stick to a reasonably healthy diet still. But seriously isn't it funny how we go to such lengths to keep them alive, we stress over them in case they fall, in case they stray onto the road instead of on the pavement, in case they don't take their meds, nagging them to drink, worrying over any pain .....we do all we can to keep them healthy and alive!
     

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