Mums very loud singing/wailing

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by Pefap, Nov 12, 2019.

  1. Pefap

    Pefap New member

    Nov 12, 2019
    6
    Hi I am new, thank you for this forum.
    My main reason for posting is because our 90 year old Mum, who has been singing her way through Alzheimers for years now, has decided to seriously turn up the volume and more wail than sing.
    This is so bad that we have just been told she can no longer go to her 2 day a week day centre, due to upsetting other people there.
    She has Alzheimer's, as well as Cancer and her eyesight is minimal. Her lack of mental ability, as well as eyesight, severely restricts what she can do, but she has always, until very recently, been as happy as possible. We know we have been exceptionally lucky compared to many other families in our position.
    Her mental state over the last week or so has gone to very tearful, much of the time. We suspect this has been caused by her cancer medication .. now her inability to go to a Day Centre she has loved for years, is likely to make her much worse.
    Has anyone come across this noise problem and if so did you manage to find a way to combat it please?
    Many thanks for anyone for their time reading this post .. take care all .. what a dreadful situation for everyone X
     
  2. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,948
    Female
    Dundee
    Hello @Pefap and welcome to the forum.

    I'm so sorry to hear about the difficulties facing your mum. It's sad that she has to miss out on the Day Care Centre. I'm afraid I have no experience of this. My mum did sing constantly (and tunelessly most of the time) but not in the way you describe.

    I'm sure you'll find lots of help and support on the forum and hopefully someone else will have a similar experience to share.
     
  3. Pefap

    Pefap New member

    Nov 12, 2019
    6
     
  4. Pefap

    Pefap New member

    Nov 12, 2019
    6
    Thank you so very much Izzy for taking the time to reply, bless you X
     
  5. kindred

    kindred Registered User

    Apr 8, 2018
    2,286
    Welcome to our lovely forum. I volunteer in the dementia nursing home where my husband died. Over the couple of years I have been there, we have had two lady residents who wailed like this. I observe that it did upset the other residents but not all the time. It was impossible to stop them and the nurses regarded it as their right to express themselves in this way so we tolerated it. It often upset the families who visited though. when the noise got too bad, we would take the residents to a quiet area and sit them down and give them one to one, pretending we knew what they were saying. Sometimes sensory activities like massage helped, or listening to music together. Is it possible to go back to the day centre and ask if mum could just come for a short time and if someone could watch over her just for a short while? I hesitate to suggest this, but could one of your family go to be with her. Just a thought.
    with best wishes, Kindred.
     
  6. Pefap

    Pefap New member

    Nov 12, 2019
    6
     
  7. Pefap

    Pefap New member

    Nov 12, 2019
    6
    Hi Kindred .. bless you for taking the time to reply.
    That is something we are wondering if one of us could possibly do .. but I am not sure if the DC would allow it as they say she is really disturbing the other people there.
    We are seeing if playing her quiet music at home, rather than what the carers are playing at the moment, supplied by us, such as Elvis and Abba. Mum loves them, but they are high impact music and from what I have read online not advised.
    Online I also read that someone suffering with dementia should not have any background noise, if they are being expected to concentrate on anything else.
    So we will do what we can and will certainly talk to the DC if it looks as though one of us can manage to take her.
    Thank you so much again .. take care
    Kindest regards
    Valerie X
     
  8. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,968
    Dad loves classical music, & also the old 1940/50s music. Music Hall greats another good sing a long to.
     
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,948
    Female
    Dundee
    This is an interesting site https://www.playlistforlife.org.uk/

    I used their approach to create a playlist for my husband, The songs and music were carefully chosen to spark memories. Bill’s dementia was too advanced to spark memories but they did spark emotions - some he laughed along with, some he sang along with, some he cried along with. I used a splitter (I think) and had earphones so I could listen too and share his experience. A lot of care facilities here are beginning to use the approach. I know that’s not really helpful to you but I do think it’s a shame that the Day Centre hasn’t taken a more solution focused approach so that your mum could keep going.
     
  10. Pefap

    Pefap New member

    Nov 12, 2019
    6
    Bless you thank you so much Izzy ., we are trying to keep mum quieter at the moment, and not excite her too much .. but if we find it just isnt working then we will go back to encouraging her to make a noise as she seems to enjoy the music.
    we have so many CD's but they are not tailored to what Mum likes, this sounds ideal
    We will keep the link and probably use it ..
    i toally agree re the Day Centre, but they say they are worried she will end up being hurt and upset, so we must be grateful to them for that.
    Thank you again X
     

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