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Mums transition from Care Home to Hospital, now in Nursing Home

KDK

Registered User
Jun 20, 2016
11
Kent
Hi
Just posting as I am feeling very sad, scared and confused.
My mum has had Alzheimer's for roughly 7 or 8 years. She has been in a lovely Residential Specialist Dementia Care Home for 2 1/2 years where she was cared for really well. She started to decline quite a bit in the latter part of last year to the point where she was being fed, was very sleepy, much more confused and having continence issues and a few falls. Then a month ago she fell out of bed and broke her femur.
She has been in hospital and community hospital for a month and has had a hemi hip replacement. Unfortunately due to her alzheimer's she couldn't follow instruction so the physios have been unable to get her walking. She has been on a slow release patch of Butec 5mg buprenorphine for pain and she moved to a nursing home last week as she was unable to go back to the Care Home due to her current needs. I was hoping when she got to the nursing home she might 'perk up' a bit so to speak but am so distressed to see her how she is, she appears to be bed ridden and sleeping most of the time, she still has a catheter and is now doubly incontinent.
I have asked the care home if they will try and get her out of bed once she is stronger and they have said they will see once she settles in, I have also asked them to speak to the GP to see if she should still be on the Butec patch. I just don't know if I am in denial about how she is now and if I need to accept it or if there is something more I should be doing, but if so what? ! I am worried I have made a bad choice in Nursing Home but can't really see how any of the other ones would be better really, and this one is near to where I work so I can go and visit her every lunch time, where I can try and get her to drink a bit and hold her hand. Just in a bit of shock I think and need to get it out of my system. Any advice/reassurance would be gratefully received.
Kirsti x
 

PatAnn

Registered User
Mar 6, 2019
17
Hi
Just posting as I am feeling very sad, scared and confused.
My mum has had Alzheimer's for roughly 7 or 8 years. She has been in a lovely Residential Specialist Dementia Care Home for 2 1/2 years where she was cared for really well. She started to decline quite a bit in the latter part of last year to the point where she was being fed, was very sleepy, much more confused and having continence issues and a few falls. Then a month ago she fell out of bed and broke her femur.
She has been in hospital and community hospital for a month and has had a hemi hip replacement. Unfortunately due to her alzheimer's she couldn't follow instruction so the physios have been unable to get her walking. She has been on a slow release patch of Butec 5mg buprenorphine for pain and she moved to a nursing home last week as she was unable to go back to the Care Home due to her current needs. I was hoping when she got to the nursing home she might 'perk up' a bit so to speak but am so distressed to see her how she is, she appears to be bed ridden and sleeping most of the time, she still has a catheter and is now doubly incontinent.
I have asked the care home if they will try and get her out of bed once she is stronger and they have said they will see once she settles in, I have also asked them to speak to the GP to see if she should still be on the Butec patch. I just don't know if I am in denial about how she is now and if I need to accept it or if there is something more I should be doing, but if so what? ! I am worried I have made a bad choice in Nursing Home but can't really see how any of the other ones would be better really, and this one is near to where I work so I can go and visit her every lunch time, where I can try and get her to drink a bit and hold her hand. Just in a bit of shock I think and need to get it out of my system. Any advice/reassurance would be gratefully received.
Kirsti x
Sorry to hear about your mum try and talk to the manager of the home to put your mind at rest I'm sure they have your mums best interests at heart and keep going in to see her and reassure her hope she turns a corner soon x
 

Jale

Registered User
Jul 9, 2018
441
Hi Kirsti, mum went from home into hospital and during the spell in hospital became immobile and then went from hospital to nursing home (that's the simple version ) I think for at least the first couple of weeks she was in bed 24 hours a day, slept a lot and took no interest in anyone or anything and then as she started to settle she was hoisted out of bed into a padded chair on wheels (not a wheelchair) and taken into the lounge as she got stronger she was then hoisted into a wheelchair into the lounge and into a proper armchair. Can't offer any advice regarding your other queries but perhaps you need to give it a little more time.
 

KDK

Registered User
Jun 20, 2016
11
Kent
Sorry to hear about your mum try and talk to the manager of the home to put your mind at rest I'm sure they have your mums best interests at heart and keep going in to see her and reassure her hope she turns a corner soon x
Thank you, yes I think I am struggling to get my head around how she is now. The nursing home have spoken to her GP and are doing some blood tests but think she still needs to be on the pain relief patch. See how it goes x
 

KDK

Registered User
Jun 20, 2016
11
Kent
Hi Kirsti, mum went from home into hospital and during the spell in hospital became immobile and then went from hospital to nursing home (that's the simple version ) I think for at least the first couple of weeks she was in bed 24 hours a day, slept a lot and took no interest in anyone or anything and then as she started to settle she was hoisted out of bed into a padded chair on wheels (not a wheelchair) and taken into the lounge as she got stronger she was then hoisted into a wheelchair into the lounge and into a proper armchair. Can't offer any advice regarding your other queries but perhaps you need to give it a little more time.
Hi thanks for your reply, yes maybe I do need to give it time, it is all a bit of a shock and I am really upset that she couldn't go back to the Care Home as it was really good there and felt like family in a way. The doctor is going to do some blood tests but thinks she still needs to be on the pain relief so we will see x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,074
Kent
Hello Kirsti @KDK

It sounds as if you are in shock re your mum`s deterioration. She has only been in her new nursing home a week and there won`t have been much time yet to assess her needs so I wouldn`t despair just yet.

Also it will take your mother much longer to recover from her broken femur than it would if she didn`t have dementia.

It sounds as if her condition was deteriorating quite badly before her fall so perhaps you are losing sight of that because you are so upset.

Give the new home time to assess her needs and just be there for your mum as poorly as she is.

Stay with the Forum.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,660
Oh my lovely I know how hard it is to rationalise all of this while your emotions are in turmoil.

Butec patch is slow 7 day pain relief & means any swallowing issues of pain relief are by passed. For me Dad going onto a patch was a positive thing.
The anaesthetic has effects on dementia & we to crossed those bridge, we decided not to go with the operation - was it the right decision tbh I will never know
Whatever was decided at that given moment in time was the correct decision.
Your losing your Mum lovely & for me when my mum ( tummy mummy I’m adopted but connected 20yrs ago) was at the end of life phase (06/2018) I was crippled & 18 months later went through the same experiences & emotions with my beloved Dad. 13/12/2019 Dad gained his wings.
So I don’t have any real words of wisdom but I can appreciate a little of the physical pain. ( yes hearts really do ache!) & mental anguish you feel!

my OH repeatedly reminded me that life has cycles , I wanted to punch him !!!

Then a lovely older & wiser soul than myself who has known me since a babe in arms kindly said “ life has a way of reaching natural conclusions” ... those words we dread & cannot imagine.
I am now at end of life care with Aged Mother only two months after Dad passed (13/12/2019) & I am world weary & torn apart by the cruelty of dementia but a little more accepting of the “natural conclusion” knowing what’s ahead brings sadness but I also acknowledge a release will be had for my PWD as pain mental & physical increases & quality of life deteriorates.

I am doing my best & trying to ensure that a pain free peaceful journey is in place, & create with flowers , cards & lovely accessories of cushions & throws that a suitable environment surrounds my PWD that is calming & gives them pleasure.

a month before my Dads passing he said about his room “ I have the smartest house in the village “ ..... I’m glad he felt like that about my wanting the best I could do & my efforts.

it’s time to be the daughter for a while & breathe
Xx